Posted on 06/18/2007 6:15:49 PM PDT by SamAdams76
Gentlemen meet Spuk
For those of you who do not know, Spuk or Spook, is a little device that attaches to the underside of a toilet seat, like so…
As long as the toilet seat is down, all is well. But once the toilet seat is lifted you will hear
"Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don't want any trouble, you'd best sit down," one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.
Their prototype English-speaking WC ghost says in an American drawl: "Don't you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who's behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha."
"Excuse me, but there's a penalty for peeing while standing in this house," it warns culprits. "You'd better not risk any problems and sit down!"
Other versions start roaring like a lion or try to persuade stubborn customers with the soothing voice of a female flight attendant.
"We welcome you aboard Never Come Back Airlines," the voice says. "We'd like to ask our male passengers in particular to sit down, buckle up and refrain from smoking."
Riight.
Even schools are starting to tell the boys how they should be going to the bathroom. Back in September there was an article in the news about it. A school in Norway had told the boys that they had to sit down when using the bathroom. The washroom at the school is used by both genders and it seems the young boys
are not "good enough at aiming" in order to have "a pleasant toilet."
Pleasant toilet?
So there are two reasons for this so called "war".
Reason #1 is the position of the toilet seat.
Reason #2 is because men and boys are not good at aiming and they make a mess.
Listen up women, (and I’m saying this to the women because I have yet to hear a man complain about the toilet seat being left down) when you go to use the bathroom and the seat is up, PUT IT DOWN. See? Magic. The problem is solved. If you don’t notice that the seat is up and you go to sit down, once your butt hits that water you’ll remember to check next time. Stop being so petty and dramatic! Act like an adult.
So that takes care of reason #1.
Now reason #2 - Men make more of a mess than women when using the bathroom.
Really?
Whenever I read these articles they make it seem that the women’s bathrooms are sparkling clean. But every public bathroom that I have used has been nasty. Schools, restaurants, movie theatres, pubs, malls, etc. Most times there is …. well lets just say they are far from clean. There have been numerous times that I have had to check all the stalls to find a semi usable one. And men are the dirty ones?
Hmmmm something doesn’t seem right about this.
But wait! there is a third reason.
According to some wimmin
a man standing up to urinate is deemed to be triumphing in his masculinity and, by extension, degrading women.
Huh?
To micturate from the standing position is now viewed among the more progressive Swedes - as the height of vulgarity and possibly suggestive of violence.
Surprise! Surprise! Women are the victims!
`All my friends demand that their husbands or boyfriends sit down,' says Jessica, from Uppsala. `I think it shows respect for the women who clean,' adds the 31-year-old biologist. `My brother, for example, would not dream of standing up. Among the young, leftish intelligentsia there is also a view that to stand is a nasty macho gesture.'
Her English husband has refused to be cowed, she admits, because `it infringes his manly rights'. Reward for his heroic stand? Full-time cleaning duties.
Yola, a 25-year-old trainee psychiatrist, is yet more strident. She dumped a boyfriend, in part, for refusing to comply. His replacement is better trained. `What can I do?' implores Ingvar, the new boyfriend, and one can see his dilemma: Yola is painfully pretty. As she says, `They either want me and they do what I say, or they can go.'
What can you do?? Oh Ingvar.
`The way they go to the toilet is just another example of why men are so bad. They watch football, they have not good manners. Women have had enough.'
Man = bad. Woman = good.
I don't know which is worse ....
that people actually believe this BS
or
the fact that nobody is telling them to shut-up.
Friggin' toilet seat nazis.
In the spirit of my new toilet habits, I have taken up knitting and will sit down and watch some wife-beating movie on the Lifetime Channel while my wife mows the lawn outside and fusses with the chainsaw.
In the meantime, I think the women behind this "Spuk" device should be outfitted with artificial penises so that they can now pee standing up and thus make up for lost time as they spray their urine all around the toilet and create a backwash all over the toilet seat.
Seriously, is that "Spuk" annoying or what? I'd love to go over somebody's house someday and find that contraption yapping at me when I lift the seat. It will certainly give me something to aim at.
Hmmmmm, what could I use to drown spuk?
“..I think the women behind this “Spuk” device should be outfitted with artificial penises..”
Now there is an idea for others to follow, but not in mine.
Why am I thinking that John Kerry in confronted with “Spuk” on a daily basis?
Do we also have to use a half-roll of TP when we pee?
Ha,ha,great posting Sam,by the way I love your beer !!!
Yeah, let us know how that works out for you ten years from now...
Flush
I’d lift it once, here it, finish my business, then fill up on chili and ruffage in the same house.
Toilet seat up, little squak from the creepy thing, toilet seat goes down. “plop...plop... plop.”
One of those plops was white and plastic.
“Flush”
Hey, I fixed your toilt for ya!
“And no more peeing against the tree in the backyard...”
Can I still pee in the front yard? It’s nice to have 10 acres.
BTW, the Germans have coined the perfect word for men who pee sitting: sitzpinkler.
um, you instal this thing, and guys will still take a leak standing up, they just won’t lift the seat anymore.
Men do all the heavy lifting.
So stop your b*tching, girls.
Sit down? Sorry, but the water is too cold......
Where are the flying pigs?
maybe women should butt out.
Sitzpinkler ping.
Women want men to sit down before they pee? Please, let those women sit down on my lap and dance instead.
As soon as I run across one of these in America, I will report back regarding what it sounds like when peed on.
Pee-ps
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