DUmmie FUnnies 08-11-06 (DUmmies Bemoan Their Stolen Fitzmas)

Oh, it was such a great jubilee on the second weekend of May. At long last, after years and years and years of WAITING, the DUmmies FINALLY scored a victory. Yes, William Rivers Pitt (notable in this thread by his ABSENCE) dramatically announced that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on Friday, May 12. Out popped the champagne bottles as the DUmmies celebrated in mass GLEE! After all it was a DONE DEAL. TruthOut and Pied Piper Pitt GUARANTEED that the indictment had already happened. Freudenschade, baby!

And then a strange thing happened---nothing. No other news source confirmed this story. Days passed. Even 24 business hours came and went. NOTHING. A few skeptical DUmmies started casting aspersions upon Pied Piper Pitt and his chief correspondent, Jason Leopold. Other DUmmies still held out hope that maybe they had just gotten ahead of the news cycle as the TruthOut Fashion Photographer lamely explained. Finally, exactly a month after the Rove "indictment," Rove's lawyer (and purveyor of the most famous cat stools in the country) announced that his client had been informed by Patrick Fitzgerald that he would NOT be indicted. Yes, the DUmmies were hoping for a Merry Fitzmas and all they got was a broken down Scooter (which has to be returned when his charges are ultimately dropped).

However, just as Linus is still waiting for the arrival of the Great Pumpkin, a few DUmmies are still wondering when Fitzmas will come as you can see in this forlorn THREAD titled, "Is Fitzmas waiting for Christmas? What's Up with Fitz?" So let us now watch the DUmmies bemoan their Stolen Fitzmas Past in Bolshevik Red while commentary of your humble correspondent, acting as the Fitzmas Party Pooper, is in the [brackets]:

I didn't know we were still waiting for something. I figure it's over until the trial. If there is a trial.

Did he pack his bags ? Is he still "working" on anything connected to the issues? What about Cheney?

[Cheney is busy following Shakespeare's suggestion: "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."]

Fitzmas was never coming. He's one of their "good guys" who's on a long leash. But it's still a leash. Good show, old boy. Good show.

We can only hope that he will have his day in court with Libby, Cheney, and a cast of thousands.

The tentacles of BFEE reach far and wide and there is lots of disinfo and smoke and mirrors to obfuscate what's really going on. I don't blame your indignance either. I hoped and believed in Fitz for a long time. But the more I read, the more it seems clear to me that Bushco has the last word on anything he does. Limited hangout is the best we will get, as usual.

What is it that you think he's been promised in return? This is a guy who continues doing a job that one of the terrorists he prosecuted threatened to blow his car up, with him in it. What exactly could the Bush administration promise him that would buy his acquiescence? He doesn't want to run for political office. The GOP approached him to run against Obama, for instance; he told them NO. He doesn't want to work for a private firm. He's chosen to continue doing the job he does because he loves it. Does anyone here, for one freaking minute, believe that he hasn't had better (and MUCH more lucrative,) offers from private firms? It is hard for me to believe that love the job or not, he would sell his soul to make them happy. Ultimately, that's exactly what would happen. He's not built the same as the Bushies. I'm sure every contact with him is excruciating for all of them, because in their world, integrity and dedication to the truth are character flaws.

We are having a tough time rescuing ourselves when GW and the RepubliCONS own the Supreme Court/Congress/Media/Corporate America and everything else.

Those who actually keep up on the case would know that Patrick Fitzgerald is charging crimes that he could actually win a conviction on.

[Yeah, Fitzgerald is building up a solid case based on jaywalking charges against Cheney.]

I just get sick of the rollercoaster ride, the love/hate relationship, and the stamping of the feet like a little kid not getting a new toy.

[And speaking of Fitzmas toys, it looks like you're going to have to return that broken down Scooter.]

[I denounce that slimey smear! Fitz is at the country club playing TENNIS with the other repukes.]

[It's nice to know you read the DUmmie FUnnies but everytime you type out "Hoaxmas," you have to send me a royalty payment for originating that term.]

He's done. There is no Fitzmas. He's indicted Libby. The smokescreen put forth by Libby and Rove and company, together with the difficulty of prosecuting the underlying offense, means that Fitzgerald can go no further. He will try Libby for the offenses charged, and the matter will be closed. Stop waiting for the Messiah. He ain't coming.

[I think I see Jesus H. Pitt just on the other side of the Great Pumpkin Patch.]

[That's because Fitz is resting on his laurels. When he saw in TruthOut that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12, he figured his job was done.]

One comment I saw from John Dean was interesting. He said that Fitzgerald's investigation was like the first Watergate investigation in that it was too narrow, and bound to only get a few minor fish. But it has also been said by others that Fitz has integrity, and is not partisan. The GOP sure treated him badly enough, trying to smear him and such.

[I'm more interested in what Jimmy Dean said which was that the Fitzmas investigation was like grinding up meat for his sausages.]

Fitz has left the building. I read that the grand jury has already been dismissed.

[They were getting tired of being cooped up on the fourth floor of Patton-Boggs.]

Jason, find the key to the 4th floor, will ya! The man wants to go home and see his family. Geez, he's been locked up there since, what, May 12th????????

[Jason Leopold must first consult his hostage negotiator---Pied Piper Pitt. It all depends on the Bukowski Boy to obtain their release from the 4th floor. He thinks it can be done within 24 business hours...unless Robert Luskin's vet needs another cat stool.]

This calls for a round of Fitzmas carols!

.
INDICT FITZMAS
Tune: "White Christmas"

I'm fixing to indict Fitzmas
Just 'cause it never seems to show.
With the networks massing
And hours passing,
I hear crickets chirping no.

I'm fixing to indict Fitzmas
With every angry post I write.
May our frogs start marching tonight,
Because all these Fitzmases aren't right!

.
IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FITZMAS
Tune: "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Never will arrive
We've been waiting since who knows when
We've missed it once again
So wake me when it's twenty twenty-five.

It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Won't include a Rove
'Cause it looks like his name's been shoved
To the very back burner of
The indictment stove.

A pair of federal counts with long prison amounts
Is the wish of goodboy and ben
Crowds that will gawk as he does a perp walk
Is the hope of Will Pitt and friends
The DUmmie Ants would love the chance to send Rove to the pen.

It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Never will appear
Now the crew at the courthouse door
Is looking kind of bored
'Cause they've been there since earlier this year.

It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Comes in fits and starts
But the funniest thing of all
Are the hopes that rise and fall
In the DUmmies' hearts.

.
FREUDENSCHADE
Tune: "Edelweiss"

Freudenschade, Freudenschade,
DUmmie joy bears repeating;
Pop champagne, feel no pain--
Only thing, it's so fleeting.

Make 'em eat crow and the gloom will grow,
Gloom will grow and sour.

Freudenschade shoots its wad
In less than twenty-four hours.

.
FREUDENSCHADESCHADENFREUDEFREUDENSCHADELICIOUS
Tune: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious:
Even though the sound of it is something quite pernicious,
If you see the DUmmie glee for things that are fictitious--
Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious!

Because they wanted Rove to walk
Just like he was a frog,
You should have heard the DUmmies talk--
They read it in a blog!
But then their champagne bubble burst
Before they drank a lick;
They must be cursed to die of thirst
'Cause Fitzmas fizzled quick!

So when the DUmmies celebrate
Some supersecret "news,"
Just summon up this word and wait,
You've got a term to use;
But you should practice saying it
As often as you speak:
The DUmmies fall for piles of Pitt
At least two times a week!

.
THE TWENTY-FOUR (BUSINESS) HOURS OF FITZMAS
Tune: "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

On the twenty-fourth hour of Fitzmas
My truthout gave to me:
Twenty-four bonus hours
Twenty-three bogus sources
Twenty-two sealed indictments
Twenty-one new excitements
Twenty Leopolds leaping
Nineteen FReepers freeping
Eighteen crowded dockets
Seventeen Sonny Crocketts
Sixteen corks a-popping
Fifteen-hour meeting
Fourteen Freudenschades
Thirteen Pipers piping
Twelve DUmmies griping
Eleven Roves a-packing
Ten dollars lacking
Nine shots at Skinner
Eight crows for dinner
Seven crews amassing
Six days a-passing
Five LOUSY TROLLS!
Four Patton Boggs
Three fresh blogs
Two marching frogs
And a Pitt ribbed in a parody! .

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