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DUmmie FUnnies 06-20-06 (DUmmies Not Buying Lame Truthout Excuses)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | June 20, 2006 | Marc Ash, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 06/20/2006 6:17:46 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

TruthOut promised us a more "comprehensive accounting" about their Rove indictment story when they got caught with their pants down as a result of the announcement that Karl Rove WON'T be indicted. Instead, what we got yesterday at TruthOut was yet another SERIES of incredibly LAME excuses and weasel words that even most DUmmies aren't buying. Of course, I still BEEEEEEEELEEEEEVE that Karl Rove was indicted on May 12. Why? Because WILLIAM RIVERS PITT stated that he verified all the sources (including Joe Wilson) in triplicate. And if WILLIAM RIVERS PITT backs up this story then it MUST be true. However, most of the rest of you will laugh AT the TruthOut lame excuses and the disbelieving DUmmie REACTION in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, putting an APB out on the missing WILLIAM RIVERS PITT, is in the [brackets]:

Returning to "06 cr 128"

[Returning to the TruthOut Asylum...]

By Marc Ash

[Fashion photographer extraoridnaire.]

What will follow will be a rather frank discussion of our reporting of and involvement in the Rove indictment matter. If you like simple answers or quick resolutions, turn back now. This is our report to our readership. Our primary sources for this report are career federal law enforcement and federal government officials speaking on condition of anonymity. This report was developed under the supervision of all of Truthout's senior editors, which should be taken as an indication that we view this matter with the utmost seriousness.

[What will follow now will be a bunch of lame excuses and weasel words. If you want the simple truth, turn back now. Our primary sources for this report are Sonny Crockett, Joe Wilson, the mirror reflections of Jason Leopold and WILLIAM RIVERS PITT, and a series of leprechauns and tooth fairies speaking on condition of anonymity. This report was developed under the fantasy of WILLIAM RIVERS PITT who takes FULL RESPONSIBILITY for this fairy tale.]

For the record, we did reach Kimberly Nerheim, a spokesperson for Patrick Fitzgerald, and asked her these questions: Did a grand jury return an indictment of Karl Rove? Did Patrick Fitzgerald send a fax to Robert Luskin similar to that described in recent press reports? Is Patrick Fitzgerald's probe of the Plame matter still ongoing? Her response to each question was identical: "I have no comment."

[For the record, the Patrick Fitzgerald spokesperson gave us the same answers she always does: "I have no comment." We then twisted that expected answer to make it seem that they aren't verifying that Karl Rove wasn't indicted.]

The Rove indictment story is way beyond - in terms of complexity - any other story we have ever covered. In essence, we found out something we were not supposed to find out, and things exploded from there. We were not prepared for the backlash.

[The Rove indictment story went in a direction we never expected. In essence, we found out too late that Rove wasn't indicted. However, since we (including WILLIAM RIVERS PITT) went out on the limb with this story, we were forced to stick with it with a series of incredibly lame excuses and weasel words such as you are reading here. WILLIAM RIVERS PITT was not prepared for the backlash.]

On Tuesday, June 13, when the mainstream media broke their stories that Karl Rove had been exonerated, there were frank discussions amongst our senior editors about retracting our stories outright. The problem we wrestled with was what exactly do we retract? Should we say that Rove had not in fact been indicted? Should we say that our sources provided us with false or misleading information? Had Truthout been used? Without a public statement from Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald we felt that it was premature to retract our report.

[We were tempted to declare that we wrong when the Rove NON-indictment was announced but we wanted to avoid an embarrassing premature retraction.]

After spending the past month retracing our steps and confirming facts, we've come full circle. Our sources continue to maintain that a grand jury has in fact returned an indictment. Our sources said that parts of the indictment were read to Karl Rove and his attorney on Friday, May 12, 2006. Last week, we pointed to a sealed federal indictment, case number "06 cr 128," which is still sealed and we are still pointing to it. During lengthy conversations with our sources over the past month, they reiterated that the substance of our report on May 13, 2006, was correct, and immediately following our report, Karl Rove's status in the CIA leak probe changed. In summary, as we press our investigation we find indicators that more of our key facts are correct, not less.

[We've gone around in circles the past month like a chicken with its head cut off. Sonny Crockett and the Tooth Fairy continue to maintain that a grand jury has in fact returned an indictment. As time passes we find more of our lame excuses are pathetic, not less.]

That leaves the most important question: If our sources maintain that a grand jury has returned an indictment - and we have pointed to a criminal case number that we are told corresponds to it - then how is it possible that Patrick Fitzgerald is reported to have said that 'he does not anticipate seeking charges against Rove at this time?' That is a very troubling question, and the truth is, we do not yet have a definitive answer. We also continue to be very troubled that no one has seen the reported communication from Fitzgerald to Rove's attorney Robert Luskin, and more importantly, how so much public judgment could be based on a communication that Luskin will not put on the table. Before we can assess the glaring contradiction between what our sources say and what Luskin says Fitzgerald faxed to him, we need to be able to consider what was faxed - and in its entirety.

[So how can it be that we are right and every other media source is wrong? That is a very troubling question and the truth is, we don't really know what the hell we are doing. We also continue to ramble on with nonsense hoping desperately to spin our way out of this predicament. Before we can assess the glaring contradiction between what we say and what reality is, we need to to be able to consider what WILLIAM RIVERS PITT faxed to himself - in its entirety.]

What appears to have happened is that - and this is where Truthout blundered - in our haste to report the indictment we never considered the possibility that Patrick Fitzgerald would not make an announcement. We simply assumed - and we should not have done so - that he would tell the press. He did not. Fitzgerald appears to have used the indictment, and more importantly, the fear that it would go public, to extract information about the Plame outing case from Rove.

[What appears to have happened is that - and this is where Truthout blundered - we never considered the possibility that MSNBC's David Shuster could be wrong about Rove's imminent indictment. Therefore we announced the indictment hoping to ride to glory on that "scoop." When Rove was NOT indicted, our fraud was exposed and we were stuck spinning a series of incredibly lame excuses while WILLIAM RIVERS PITT was forced to go into hiding.]

Yes, it does appear that Truthout was used, but not lied to or misled. The facts appear to have been accurate. We reported them, and in so doing, apparently became an instrument. From all indications, our reports, first on May 13 that Rove had been indicted, and then on June 12 when we published case number "06 cr 128," forced Rove and Luskin back to the table with Fitzgerald, not once but twice. They apparently sought to avoid public disclosure and were prepared to do what they had to do to avoid it.

[Yes, it does appear that Truthout was full of crap. We reported Rove's indictment as having already happened. From all indications we were caught with our pants down so we are throwing out another hilarious excuse that Rove and Luskin were so frightened by the phony Truthout story that they were forced to meet again with Fitzgerald in order to bring down Dick Cheney and the rest of the EVIL Bush regime. Meanwhile WILLIAM RIVERS PITT would like to sell you shares in the Brooklyn Bridge Company.]

The electronic communication from Fitzgerald to Luskin, coming immediately on the heels of our Monday morning, June 12 article "Sealed vs. Sealed" that became the basis for the mainstream media's de facto exoneration of Karl Rove was, our sources told us, negotiated quickly over the phone later that afternoon. Luskin contacted Fitzgerald, reportedly providing concessions that Fitzgerald considered to be of high value, and Fitzgerald reportedly reciprocated with the political cover Rove wanted in the form of a letter that was faxed to Luskin's office.

[The electronic communication from Fitzgerald to Luskin, coming on the heels of our phony Truthout story, led to a series of negotiations that forced Rove to appoint himself as the ambassador to the Land of Oz.]

Our sources provided us with additional detail, saying that Fitzgerald is apparently examining closely Dick Cheney's role in the Valerie Plame matter, and apparently sought information and evidence from Karl Rove that would provide documentation of Cheney's involvement. Rove apparently was reluctant to cooperate and Fitzgerald, it appears, was pressuring him to do so, our sources told us.

[Our sources provide us with additional detail, saying that Fitzgerald is apparently examining his own navel and apparently sought information and evidence from Karl Rove that would provide documentation of the involvement of Auric Goldfinger. Rove apparently was reluctant to cooperate and Fitzgerald, it appears, was pressuring him to do so by tickling his big toe with an ostrich feather, WILLIAM RIVERS PITT told us.]

Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald's investigation is a unique chapter in American history. The probe has managed to shed light into the inner recesses of perhaps the most secretive presidential administration in US history. His mission is not political, and he will not allow it to be.

[Just filling space here with meaningless chit-chat so as to appear to provide comprehensive documentation.]

However, we call upon the Special Counsel to consider the right of the American people to know what has happened. Nothing, we believe, is more important to the survival of democracy than the light of justice, and nothing more damaging than the curtain of secrecy that today surrounds the highest office in the land.

[However, we call upon the Special Counsel to enter an alternative reality and pull our chestnuts out of the fire. Nothing, we believe, is more important to the survival of Truthout and the reputation of WILLIAM RIVERS PITT.]

Joe Lauria and The Washington Post's Attacks on Jason Leopold

[The horrible attacks on the sterling reputation of drug addict and liar, Jason Leopold...]

We are well aware of the Lauria article and the series of attacks The Washington Post has launched against Jason Leopold and Truthout. As always, we will carefully consider all information and then publish a thoughtful response. In this case, we will publish our response on Wednesday, June 21, at 5:00 p.m. Pacific time.

[We will answer the attacks on Jason Leopold with another series of laughable lame excuses on June 32... And now on to the DUmmie REACTION to this Truthout comedy script.]

The latest load of bullshit from Truthout... All they've done is buy some more time until the "06 cr 128" case is unsealed. Then they'll come up with another line of bullshit.

[A load of bs served up fresh by WILLIAM RIVERS PITT.]

The Ouija Board said so! They asked if Rove was indicted, and Ouija said 'Yes"!

[In addition to Sonny Crockett and Joe Wilson, the Ouija Board is one of the Truthout sources.]

ROVE COULD BE INDICTED BY 2009!

[Or the year 2525...if Man is still Alive.]

Or perhaps Rove will be indicted 20 business hours before Second Coming

[You mean 24 business hours.]

Bullshit! Complete, total bullshit. I'm tired of them trying to fool people. the "06 cr 128" claim was already thoroughly debunked on DU. It wasn't filed till May 17th, & is most likely related to Time's motion to quash a subpoena in the Libby case. Truthout knows this, but they don't care. They're lying to people. And they don't even care if we know it. Even I never thought they would sink this low.

[Then throw a life preserver to WILLIAM RIVERS PITT.]

They are lying to you. I swear, I feel like this is some alternate reality & we're back to 4 weeks ago.

[You are just 24 business hours away from entering the alternate reality.]

Basically Ash is saying thanks to their stories and the publicity they generated, Rove weas forced into giving up the goods to Fitzgerald. Based on Sealed vs Sealed? When the only ones who would come near truthout as a source after the 24 hours nonsense were Duers and Wayne Madsen? That's when Rove gave in? Color me skeptical at this point.

[Welcome to the alternate reality.]

Now Truthout was instrumental in getting Karl Rove to finger Cheney - not once, but twice? Ummm, ya, sure guys. So Truthout not only isn't embarassed by their monumental blunder in hiring a loser like Leopold and reporting an obvious BS story, they almost seem to claim they helped Fitzgerald with cracking Rove. By God, they're hero's I tell ya! What a complete joke. This simply has become one of the saddest journalistic meltdowns I've ever witnessed.

[You can find WILLIAM RIVERS PITT melted down on the Bukowski's barroom floor.]

The "MAGIC MEN" are desperate and it is showing

[The Magic Man, aka WILLIAM RIVERS PITT, certainly is desperate.]

TruthOut may have just KILLED the Plame Investigation!!!!

[Actually that is my own theory. Truthout and WILLIAM RIVERS PITT, with their Hoaxmas story, turned the investigation into a circus act that Fitzgerald finally got sick of and resulted in the NON-indictment of Rove.]

Maybe Jason Leopold will be invited to stay in the 'Judy Miller suite' ...at the Alexandria Detention Center. How long will it take to for JL to crack and reveal his sources???

[That depends on how soon you can give Leopold some crack.]

It seems in an attempt to paint themselves as some kind of heroes, they have actually managed to cast themselves as the villans. Rove couldn't have planned it better himself.

[TruthOut and WILLIAM RIVERS PITT as victims of the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

And now they are... risking the investigation to save their own hides. Nice one. Who's side are they on, anyway?

[Thank you TruthOut and WILLIAM RIVERS PITT for turning the whole Fitzgerald investigation into a laughable circus. I believe that Fitz could have gone either way on the indictment of Rove but when faced with the TruthOut antics, he decided to wash his hands of the whole thing. You can THANK TruthOut and WILLIAM RIVERS PITT for the fact that Rove WON'T be frogwalked across the White House lawn.]

The only one that can flip on Cheney is Libby and he won't do that because he is an ideologue and because he probably has been promised a pardon by Cheney.

[All I got for Fitzmas was a broken-down scooter.]

Fact: Rove was not indicted.
Fact: Jason Leopold's reporting on the "Rove indictment" was dead wrong and way off the mark.

[Fact: WILLIAM RIVERS PITT is MIA.]

I'm seeing these guys are sweating their asses off digging the biggest hole I've seen in a long time, and at first there were many waiting around the top of the hole wondering if they'd actually dig something up.. then we wondered if maybe they were going to Bury Leopold and get a little cheer and a helping hand out of the hole, maybe with us smoothing the hole over and planting a little tree we could all have a beer under and laugh about.. But now the hole is so deep that a lot of people really can't SEE DOWN THERE much more, there's a lot of shouting going on, from in the hole and around the edges, that there IS SOMETHING in that hole.. but the hole is really too deep now to jump into even if you wanted to help, and it looks like more and more people are walking away from the hole thinking they'd rather tackle a Mountain, maybe roll some big boulders down on the really bad guys out there instead.. Usually customary to stop digging.. we're gonna run out of rope here soon and may not be able to pull anyone out, and Leopold, well, we can throw some carrier pidgons down there, with some strips of paper and a one inch pencil.. he can sharpen the pencil on his razer sharp reporter's INTUITION.. C'mon guys.. we're even way past the Decoder Ring stage.. it's just bullshit, and the hole you've dug is now apparently part of the sewer system, and you may never get that smell out. Please cut the shit, PLEASE stop with the bullshit, PLEASE.. I hate to see all you've done going to waste.. To be honest I really do think that when Leopold says "Oh great, NOW the story is all about ME AGAIN.." that it's his true self talking.. he REALLY DOES want the attention, any attention... reminds me of kids getting hit by their drunken dads, and thinking that any attention is better than none.. PLEASE STOP IT.. Think of what an AMAZING and Historical APOLOGY you could make at this point? Internet history...

[WILLIAM RIVERS PITT never REALLY apologizes.]

Truthout has gone moonbat

[Understatement of the day.]

I find Marc Ash's explanations to be perfectly reasonable and I for one am willing to stand by and wait for the cookie to crumble a little further to see what exactly is inside.

[Is that you, WILLIAM RIVERS PITT?]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: antiamericanism; barkingmoonbats; cialeak; conspirarytheory; dummies; hoaxmas; jasonleopold; karlrove; makingitup; marcash; patrickfitzgerald; pravdablog; propaganda; truthout; willpitt; zogbyism
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Here it is. I couldn't have done this DUFU last night even if I wanted to since most of the DUmmie comments came in the early AM.

Let me know if you want on the DUmmie FUnnies PING List.

1 posted on 06/20/2006 6:17:49 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix

IN!


2 posted on 06/20/2006 6:19:12 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (1?)
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To: Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; tje; ml1954; ...

PING!


3 posted on 06/20/2006 6:19:21 AM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix

top 10


4 posted on 06/20/2006 6:20:34 AM PDT by NeoCaveman (Visit early, vistit often, Save our state! http://blackwellvstrickland.blogspot.com)
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 10


5 posted on 06/20/2006 6:21:25 AM PDT by JamesP81
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 10?!?


6 posted on 06/20/2006 6:22:25 AM PDT by Dooderbutt
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To: PJ-Comix

Number ____


7 posted on 06/20/2006 6:22:31 AM PDT by rightinthemiddle (Islamic Terrorists, the Mainstream Media and the Democrat Party Have the Same Goals in Iraq.)
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To: PJ-Comix
We were not prepared for the backlash.

Bullwinkle was not prepared for the lion he pulled out of his hat... Linus was not prepared to spend the entire night in the pumpkin patch... Charlie Brown was not prepared to land flat on his back....

8 posted on 06/20/2006 6:23:55 AM PDT by steve-b (Hoover Dam is every bit as "natural" as a beaver dam.)
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To: PJ-Comix
putting an APB out on the missing WILLIAM RIVERS PITT

They're up to 190 replies over there in DUmmieland and still no Willie.

DUMBER Alert
Have you seen me?®

Name: William Rivers Pitt, AKA Pied Piper Pitt, P3, William Pitt the Drunker, Bad Pitt, Bottomless Pitt,
the Pitt and the Ponderous, Wee Willie, Will the Shill, the Wild Bull of the Pompous, the Magic Man
Missing: 24 business hours
Last seen: Bukowski's barroom floor

9 posted on 06/20/2006 6:26:18 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Where's Willie?)
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To: PJ-Comix
These are some of the same people who still think the Ohio exit polls are correct and the election was wrong. ~~sigh~~~ and they wonder why we call the DUMMies.
10 posted on 06/20/2006 6:26:58 AM PDT by Ditter
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To: PJ-Comix

11 posted on 06/20/2006 6:28:50 AM PDT by chapin2500
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To: PJ-Comix

Just out of top 10.


12 posted on 06/20/2006 6:28:56 AM PDT by CFC__VRWC (AIDS, abortion, euthanasia - Don't liberals just kill ya?)
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To: PJ-Comix
Should we say that Rove had not in fact been indicted?

Well gee, that woulda been a real good place to start.
13 posted on 06/20/2006 6:29:18 AM PDT by cripplecreek (I'm trying to think but nothing happens)
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To: PJ-Comix
Returning to "06 cr 128"

"25 or 6 to 4"

"The frog walks at dawn."

"54-40 or fight"

14 posted on 06/20/2006 6:31:29 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (The DU Convincing Code.)
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To: PJ-Comix
Whenever I read about the DUmmie's "I BEEEEEEEELEEEEEVE" threads, I'm reminded of the movie "The Taking of Pelham 123 (1974)". Terrific movie.

An action thriller, the plot involves a terrorist takeover of a NYC subway. Pelham 123 is a subway car which has been hijacked, and is running at an increasingly rapid speed down the tracks, to a no doubt horrific crash at the end of the line. Meanwhile, the hijackers have gotten off the train, natch.

As the terrified passengers sit watching their train accellerate faster and faster, a young woman sits cross-legged on the seat, chanting "Ooooooooohm! Ooooooohm, STOP! Ooooooooohm STOP!" in a pathetic attempt to stop the train, in a New-Age sort of way. Perhaps a proto-DUmmie?

15 posted on 06/20/2006 6:31:46 AM PDT by COBOL2Java (Freedom isn't free, but the men and women of the military will pay most of your share)
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To: PJ-Comix

It sounds like they are sticking with their story -- even though Fitz says he won't indict, they are convinced he will.


16 posted on 06/20/2006 6:32:26 AM PDT by Lazamataz (First we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.)
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 20!?


17 posted on 06/20/2006 6:32:53 AM PDT by freedumb2003 (The Left created, embraces and feeds "The Culture of Hate." Make it part of the political lexicon!)
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To: PJ-Comix
By Marc Ash

Marc "Jack" Ash.

18 posted on 06/20/2006 6:33:00 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson ("Mean" Marc Ash.)
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To: PJ-Comix
What will follow will be a rather frank discussion of our reporting. . . .

Ooh, you don't want that, do you?

19 posted on 06/20/2006 6:36:52 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Think again.)
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To: PJ-Comix
This report was developed under the supervision of all of Truthout's senior editors, which should be taken as an indication that we view this matter with the utmost seriousness.

Oh my, this is series.

20 posted on 06/20/2006 6:37:58 AM PDT by gate2wire
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