Hollywood's Brave New Era of Remakes (Political Satire)

The People's Cube - The Broom of Truth ^ | 12/29/2005, 10:48 pm | By Red Square

[DogByte6RER]

Hollywood's Brave New Era of Remakes

By Red Square

This year's remake of King Kong has brought Hollywood's vibrant Era of Remakes to a supreme climax. It easily beats such recent remakes as The Mummy, The Producers, Planet of the Apes, War of the Worlds, Phantom of the Opera, House of Wax, Dukes of Hazzard, Dawn of the Dead, The Flight of the Phoenix, The Time Machine, The Longest Yard, The Manchurian Candidate, The Stepford Wives, The Italian Job, The Amityville Horror, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Thomas Crown Affair, The Bad News Bears, The Ring, The Musketeer, The Honeymooners, The In-Laws, The Ladykillers, Thunderbirds, Psycho, S.W.A.T., Bewitched, Godzilla, Herbie, Alfie, Willard, Shaft, SpiderMan, Guess Who, Dark Water, Starsky and Hutch, Pride and Prejudice, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Yours, Mine and Ours, Walking Tall, Freaky Friday, Charlie's Angels, Cheaper by the Dozen, Ocean's Eleven, Around the World in 80 Days, and, to an extent, 13 Going on 30.

This great remake it is sure to remain on top of next year's planned remakes of Pink Panther, Oh, God!, The Fly, Some Like it Hot, Revenge of the Nerds, Charlotte's Web, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Swiss Family Robinson, Miami Vice, Lady Chatterley, Logan's Run, Poseidon, Black Christmas, Day of the Dead, The Evil Dead, Foxy Brown, The Hills Have Eyes, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Omen 666, Porky's, Rock'n'Roll High School, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Shaggy Dog, The Warriors, When a Stranger Calls, The A-Team, Casino Royale, and even Horton Hears a Who!

Why remakes?

As every progressive grad student knows, the postmodern world leaves no place for any idea, event, or character worthy of an original film. History ended in the 1960s. Our lives are unworthy of original art.

[DogByte6RER]

Great satire from The People's Cube. Too much of Hollywood has become something like a Xerox machine...they just make photocopies of other photocopies (and so on) until the end copy is unrecognizable from the original.

I guess I'll just go rent "Red Dawn" this weekend. Who knows how long until Hollywood remakes this anti-communism flick from the 80s?

Of course, in a "Red Dawn" remake, the invading commies would be portrayed as humanitarians liberating us poor dumb capitalistic American pigs from our enslavement to private property, firearms, money and freedom...

Of course the Wolverives (American Resistance fighters) in "Red Dawn" would be portrayed as right-wing homophobic neo-nazi skinhead terrorists opposing "social justice" and "economic equality."

[rockabyebaby]

Fun with Dick and Jane, another remake just opening.

YAWN, can we remake hollywood - tear it down and start over LOL!

[saganite]

Dukes of Hazzard wasn't a remake. Just a technicality though. It was an example of a worse trend, the turning of TV shows into full length movies. I can't wait for the movie version of the Seinfeld Show. A 2 hour movie about nothing.

[tet68]

Shouldn't that be the Remake of the Remake of the "fly"?

[Texas Eagle]

That was satire? It sounded dead-on right to me.

[stephenjohnbanker]

Hollywood is in self-destruct mode. 90% of the movies I tried to watch, I turned off within 20 minutes. ROTFLMAO!!

[stephenjohnbanker]

Whoever remade "The Ladykillers" should be stabbed in the heart with a pencil.

[SoDak]

A 2 hour movie about nothing.

Already been done in Hollywood over and over again.

[herkbird]

I would like to see some more good Western movies, Of course the Enviro-Wacko's would sue if we drove a film crew and equipment into Monument valley or some other Beautiful western place of Scenic Value.

"The Day The Earth Stood Still" could be made into a new and interesting remake. Just have the robot show us what shall happen if the IslamoFascist take over the world and make everyone revert to living without any modern convenience's. They could show someone being beheaded with a flint edge stone type knife. they could also show the Arab's as the ones who started slavery and killed 98% of black men while attempting to make eunuch's out of them to watch over the huge harems of black women.

They could make a remake of how Christmas was stolen, not by the Grinch, but the Christian hating Politically correct moronic society we now live in. Yet have the movie end with a huge after Christmas Sale. That would be a real hoot, with community tree's and holiday tree's lit in each house and a location to have your Christmas tree shredded up to save the dumps from this wasted use of trees.

There's plenty of stupid ideas they could use for making new movies. What the heck am I thinking, all they make any more are the same old moronic stories over and over except they get worse as the technology gets better. This is living proof that a computer cannot think. So as humans become lazier and less thoughtful, so do their movies.

[DogByte6RER]

How about this idea for a remake of a Western:

Two Wyoming cowboys in the early 1960's herd cattle (not sheep!) and connect with America the way the cowboys of the 1800s did.

Oh yeah...they do NOT fall in "love" or lust with each other. They do not have homosexual sex with each other. In the end they become best friends and each attends the other's heterosexual wedding as the groom's best man.

Both men have children and raise them to be good patriotic Americans.

This would be the remake of "Brokeback Mountain" only the title would be changed to "Takeback the Mountain"

[herkbird]

That would be a great idea for a Western Movie. I suspect only the Homo crowd and agenda will attend the present peter puffing, back humping, feces packing crap they consider as todays modern Western Movie generation.

Your Western sounds like a much better choice to watch than what they are passing off as a one way road to to mental illness.

[Fenris6]

Yah, but my wife & I enjoy MST3K'ing the latest rentals. The last *good* movie I saw was Rising Sun with Bruce Willis as a Seal.

[Jack Deth]

Yah, but my wife & I enjoy MST3K'ing the latest rentals. The last *good* movie I saw was Rising Sun with Bruce Willis as a Seal.

That would be "Tears Of The Sun", Fenris.

Not a bit little flick, either.

I received the January issue of "Premiere" magazine last week. Which highlighted upcoming films for 2006.

I found absolutely nothing that would interest me.

Guess I'll expand my DVD library instead.

Jack.

[Fenris6]

That would be "Tears Of The Sun"

Yah, that one. Thanks for the correction.

[MoochPooch]

Thanks for directing me to that website. I bookmarked it.

(Another addition to my Internet addiction.)