Posted on 07/26/2005 5:25:31 PM PDT by writer33
New York—In a response to the terrorist actions, thousands of New York City’s 4.5 million subway commuters will be asked to participate in a two-for-one special, opening their bags and dropping their drawers for police as they begin the first full work week under unprecedented scrutiny designed to prevent London-style bombings while providing the best available body cavity searches on New Yorkers.
On Sunday, July 24, 2005, a bomb scare that turned out to be a false alarm shut down Pennsylvania Station in Manhattan, disrupting subway and Amtrak trains for an hour. New York police detective Bernard Gifford said police expect no delays in this morning’s commute.
On Friday, when the searches began, “people seemed to be extremely cooperative, and some actually enjoyed it,” he said. “I guess it’s safe to say we’re bringing up the rear.”
When the city announced plans for the random searches last week, it reportedly marked the first time since the 9/11 attacks that passengers using any major city subway system were subjected to random inspection. Now, New Jersey rail commuters and New York City bus and ferry passengers also will face body cavity searches, and police in Washington, D.C., are considering conducting random searches on the capital’s subways as well.
“This is a great idea,” said Anthony Williams, Washington, D.C. mayor. “If this works in D.C., then we’ll work to implement this nationwide. Nothing’s too good for the taxpayer.”
In New York City, lawyers drew up detailed guidelines to make sure citizens’ privacy rights are protected, as well as full sterilization is provided. To avoid singling out passengers based on their appearance, for example, police officers have been instructed to search only minorities, regardless of their numerical order, as they approach station turnstiles. Police could be told to search every fifth, seventh, or tenth minority to enter, for example, targeting Arabs, African-Americans, Hispanics, Chinese and any other non-white patrons.
Police also are telling commuters that they can refuse a request to have their bag searched or body cavity performed and will not be questioned or detained for doing so. However, anyone who refuses a search will reportedly not be allowed into the station.
As of Sunday, Gifford noted, there had been “some yelling” by riders. “These people really want to get on that subway. Besides, this kind of thing is done in Turkey all the time. Look at their crime.”
“Empowering police officers to conduct random searches of individuals without suspicion of criminal wrongdoing constitutes a gross infringement of the fundamental rights and liberties of persons living in a free society,” cried Donna Lieberman, executive director of the NYCLU. She said the searches will do little to enhance public safety. Just another fascist move by a Republican mayor! Here at the NYCLU we work to protect your liberties, not strip them. This is beyond the pale!”
Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg said the baggage searches—which will be extended to buses and suburban trains—could continue for weeks, if not months. “So many minorities,” he laughed. “So little time. I know this is a bit intrusive, but government is here to protect you. If it creates some discomfort and makes you late for work, then it’s worth it, because your tax dollars are being spent wisely. No one wants to get rear-ended on the deal.”
Seven million people are said to ride the city’s buses and subways each day, more than half the nation’s daily mass transit riders. Hundreds of thousands of gloves, lubricant and other hygiene items have tapped New York City’s pharmacies bone dry.
“This is great,” yelled Renee Jerald, a 51-year old pharmacist from Long Island. “I’ve been trying to get rid of that KY Jelly for nearly a year. And thanks to Mayor Bloomberg, now I have! You’re the greatest!”
“I'd rather be watched and alive than dead with my privacy intact,” commented Frank Majowicz, a white, 36-year old stock broker from Toms River, N.J., as he hauled a shoulder bag off the Times Square shuttle. “It was great. I walked right through as thirteen African-Americans were being buttonholed. I never felt safer!”
“I don’t have anything to hide . . . I guess they stopped saying they were looking for gangbangers,” snickered Tim Melvin, a 55-year old businessman, returning early from his vacation in the Hamptons. “If I was in the position of the people they are profiling, I’d feel differently. Since I’m not, I’m all for this. Go Bloomberg! Go Bloomberg! Go Bloomberg!”
“I don’t feel safe,” said Mayani Sakat, a 25-year old Arab woman, tiptoeing through a Manhattan subway station. “It’s so frightening. All you hear is the snapping of rubber gloves.”
New York authorities are involved in quite a balancing act—protecting people’s rights and their lives. While searches calm the fears of anxious white commuters, they can also cause resentment among those minorities who feel targeted unfairly.
About 800,000 passenger trips are recorded every weekday on NJ Transit, with about a half-million on buses, 230,000 on trains, and the rest on light rail. The PATH system shuttles tens of thousands of commuters under the Hudson River between Hoboken, Newark and Manhattan, leaving authorities wondering if there’s enough gloves and paper towels to keep the searches up for an indefinite amount of time.
“I hope this lasts,” said Joe Denardi, a 35-year retiree from the NYPD, grinning impishly. “We haven’t done anything like this since the 1960s and I feel so liberated. It’s high time we cleaned up this town! And New Yorkers think it’s terrorism related. I almost pissed my pants I laughed so hard. Give me a Republican or give me death!”
You're on the list with no pain involved. :)
Thank you!
I appreciate it, especially the "no pain" part.
:-)
Thanks for reading, TBall. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Don't mind NP. She has zero sense of humor. It was good. Well written and almost believable... You had your giveaways if someone read it carefully. Nice work. Do you do serious fiction as well as satire? If so, FReepmail me.
Is this a joke? Front and rear?
You're welcome new ping list member.
Big Krueger fan, huh?
I was long ago. I just found that site tonight while at work. Pretty interesting.
I wonder what a jihadist would do if he say a pissed off American walking at him wearing a Freddy glove....giggling.
You're a very polite ping list poster.
It's very nice to meet you!
Do you write funny stuff very often?
Yep. Here's a link for you:
http://chrisdavis.mensnewsdaily.com/blog/davis/
This should give you quite a few to look over.
One can only wonder and dream. :)
I've never been to New York...and now I really don't want to. LOL
BTTT!!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
BTTT
Thank you for the link!
I've got it in my favorites to read at my leisure.... (leisure? what's that?)
I'll send critiques as I read them. (kidding!)
Thanks again!
Cavity ~ Bump!
I'm sorry sir...That's an "exit only" orifice...
Thanks for the bump, E.G.C.
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