DUmmie FUnnies 07-13-05 ("If you could wish for one single 'Miracle' what would that be?")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | July 13, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

DUmmie Fantasy threads are among my faves. I mean who can forget the comedic entertainment of the many many “I BELEEEEEVE” threads where the DUmmies fervently declared “I BELEEEEVE that John Kerry will be inaugurated president on Jan. 20?” More recently there was a thread where they speculated that Al Gore is our president in another universe. And now we have this fantasy THREAD titled, “If you could wish for one single ‘Miracle’ what would that be?” What is really great about this fantasy thread, is that it is not limited to just one bizarre fantasy. The DUmmies give free reign to their imaginations to come up with many miraculous fantasies. So let us now enjoy the spectacle of DUmmies ardently trying to conjure up miracles in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, mumbling “abra cadabra,” is in the [brackets]:

If you could wish for one single "Miracle" what would that be?

[My wish for a single miracle would be that on Election Day, the exit polls show that Kerry would win in a landslide, thus causing the DUmmies to jubilantly celebrate prematurely. However, a few hours later the exit polls would be proven to be wrong because Bush actually wins the election which causes the DUmmies to go into a depressive tailspin when the rug is pulled out from under them. I know this miracle is a big stretch but you said I could at least wish for one.]

Mine would be the political resurrection of Brother Al Gore in 2006-2008...Say Amen Somebody!!!

[HALLELUJAH!!! I PRAY FOR THE RESURRECTION OF AL “HE BETRAYED US” GORE!!!]

Say I BELIEEEVE that...only AL can SAVE us now...I BELIEEEVE we in America could use some Truth and some Light for a CHANGE...I BELIEEEVE that...that ole DEVIL(KKKarl-zee-bub)is out to smite Move on.org...because he thinks that in so doing, he can drive a political stake into Al Gore's heart for allllll eternity...Keep in mind dear friends, brothers and sisters, that...The bad guys always fear and want to destroy the good guys...Always Have...Always Will...Let's all sing 'Shall we gather at the voter registration office'

[I BEEELEEEVE!!! OH YES, I BELEEEEVE!!! BRING ON THE SNAKE CHARMERS!!!]

KKKarl has a bad habit of trying to destroy anyone, or anything, that threatens to derail the neocon's grand plans...Folks like Howard Dean, Joe Wilson and Al Gore! Now I guess it's Move On's turn to be cast into the lake of lies. Karl want's to get even with Move On...Just like He Tried to Get Even Of Joe Wilson's wife. There is a pattern there...I BELIEEEEVE!

[I BEEEELEEEEVE THAT KARL ROVE IS SATAN!!!!]

GORE/DEAN in 2008!!!!!!!

[And the weird thing is that is ALSO my miracle wish for the Democrat ticket in 2008. And now let us hear about the miracles desired by the rest of your fellow DUmmies…]

Mine would be all of Bushco behind bars, never to be resurrected again! EVER! That would be miracle enough for me, I could die a happy woman.

[Prepare yourself for a sad death.]

The miracle I wish for is the impeachment of Bush, Cheney, and the rest of his administration. An impeachment so gruesome that it would scar the GOP for decades to come and lead to an era of progressive prosperity like that of the 30s-60s.

[You would need ANOTHER miracle to make the Depression years of the 1930s an era of “progressive prosperity.”]

I BELIEEEEEEVE...We are bound for the promised land! If the truth ever be told!

[HALLELUJAH!!! I SEEEEE THE PROMISED LAND! JUST OVER THAT HILL!!! I SEEEEE PYONYANG!!!]

I got down on my hands and knees...and asked the almighty for a sign that America is turning away from the ways of sins, from refusing to read, from watching FOX NEWS, form listening to Limbaugh, from refusing to use what you gave them, oh Lord, somebody give me an Amen, from refusing to use their God given common sense. Brothers and Sisters help me help these people who are so depraved, lead by the Bush Enterprises. Can I get witness? Give me a Hallelujah. Mercy me, I am so excited that the Neocons are being rejected by more and more people. I gotta jump up and holler, Lord, help me.

[HALLELUJAH!!! I got down and my hands and knees and prayed to the Almighty for the American public to close their eyes and ears to any information contrary to the DNC talking points.]

I do honestly believe, that Shrub was the "major calamity" that all the old seers and prophets predicted for the new millennium. We almost made it through the year 2000 without a major disaster, until December of 2000, when the SCOTUS awarded Al Gore's job to Bush. We got a millennium chimp in 2000 instead of the millennium bug.

[As predicted in the book of DUmmie Revelations---the Millennium Beast Chimp shall rule in Darkness for all Eternity.]

My wish would be for a healthy baby, and a healthy world for her to live in, in about six months from now.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

To win the lotto and move to somewhere safe. Prefer a place where I can have my bare butt swatted with palm leaves by half naked hula girls...

[Leave off the part about naked hula girls and palm leaves and you describe about 95% of the male DUmmie fantasies.]

Half naked hula guys for me.

[No surprise there DUmmie Gay Green.]

Justice would mean waking up tomorrow morning in a sweat. I look around me and my husband is gone to work. My sons come in and give me a great big hug and I make my way to the kitchen to get breakfast. I see a note on the table and it is from my wonderful spouse. I read it and it says, "You fell asleep last night before the votes were counted - Gore won!" Then I look at the newspaper and sure enough he did win. All of this had been but a dream.

[Good news! Gore DID win in an alternate universe. Didn’t you read the DUmmie thread on this very topic?]

painless 95% reduction in human population

[Let me guess, DUmmie natrat. You consider yourself one of the elite 5% who will not be part of that “painless reduction.”]

O Lord ...Call down your vengeance upon the liars and the speakers of false doctrine. Let them be sealed in the whited sepulchers of their own iniquity never to see the light of your countenance. Let those who speak of righteous and do not practice it be cast into the everlasting lake of the burning brimstone. Let their tongues shrivel and their loins grow barren. Let them know fully the wrath of the one they have maligned with their vile preachings and may they serve as a perpetual warning toward those who presume to know the mind of g-d.

[WOW! You really don’t like Muslims, do you?]

Sometimes I think the Devil himself is in my keyboard boggling my mind a-purpose! Praise the big skeery guy way up yonder past them clouds, that they had plenty of good cold draft beer at the El Toro Lounge today. I CAN FEEEEEEEEEEL THE CHANGE...when I wrap my parched old lips around a couple of ice cold pitchers of brew! I really do think it's a miracle that you can get a gallon of draft beer, or a gallon of high octane gas, for the same price now, down there at the stop and go drive through! MYYYYY, MYYYY, MYYYYY...But don't the Lawd Works in some gaul danged Mysterious ways sometimes?

[HALLELUJAH!!! HE HAS WRAPPED HIS PARCHED OLD LIPS AROUND A COUPLE OF ICE COLD PITCHERS OF BREW AND HAS SEEEEEEN THE VISIONS!!!]

Retroactive infertility for Prescott Bush. Imagine a world with no Bush twins. No W. No Jeb. No Neil. Laura Bush as a school librarian. No G.W. Bush. Barbara in a trailer home somewhere. Damn, imagine it. Talk about a better world.

[Hmmm… I’m thinking here that we need to come up with new lyrics for John Lennon’s “Imagine” song.]

That the last 5 years were all just a horrible dream...

[It was…..in the Alternate Reality.]

Anyway, my miracle.. I guess I'd have to go with an impeachment of Bush and his cronies, followed by embarrassed retirement of the rest of his administration, subsequent investigations into all allegations against them, revealing the vote fraud in the 2004 election, and installing Kerry in the white house as a result.

[SIGH! To install Kerry in the White House following a Bush impeachment, you would need ANOTHER miracle to retroactively change the constitution for a different line of succession. But don’t feel bad. Your error is a COMMON DUmmie fantasy.]

Mine would be that all religion would suddenly dissappear because, without religion, there is peace

[With the exception of Islam, THE religion of peace.]

[gate2wire]

"Barbara in a trailer home somewhere."
This is laughable in so many ways. Anyone who has had the opportunity to hear her speak, knows how intelligent she is. No doubt in my mind she would have been very successful, even without GHWB.

[Charles Henrickson]

The DUmmies should just combine all their dreams and maybe they could come up with one good one!

I think it's called, "The Netherlands."

[gate2wire]

"I think it's called, "The Netherlands."
Now that's funny.
Just about everything's legal...perfect.

[Charles Henrickson]

investigations . . . revealing the vote fraud in the 2004 election

Oh, you wouldn't want that. Dino Rossi would be governor of Washington. Kerry would have lower vote totals in the big cities. And George Bush would still be President.

[Charles Henrickson]

Mine would be that all religion would suddenly dissappear because, without religion, there is peace

The anti-Christian bigotry of DU never fails to show itself.

[Charles Henrickson]

Mine would be that all religion would suddenly dissappear because, without religion, there is peace

Atheism is the opiate of the DUmmies.

[Charles Henrickson]

Of course, they'd demand to be in the 5 percent left....

I don't know. Some of them are wacky enough to sacrifice their life for some spotted owl somewhere.

"I don't deserve to live! I'm a human being, not an animal!"

[PJ-Comix]

Don't forget the ENORMOUS support system that goes into making the all-important plastic swizzle sticks.

[PJ-Comix]

Is that you, George Soros?

[gate2wire]

Hey P-J, today is starting to look like one of those "it's 5:00 somewhere" days. What's the name of that rum you've been raving about?

[PJ-Comix]

What's the name of that rum you've been raving about?

Flor de Cana. I recommend the White Rum dry version. Amazingly in most liquor stores it is about the same price as Bacardi if you buy it in the 1.75 liter bottle. They need to do a better marketing job but it is MUCH BETTER than Bacardi. I drink the Flor de Cana straight on the rocks.

p.s. Sorry, I am currently tilde-less.

[gate2wire]

Thank you.

"p.s. Sorry, I am currently tilde-less."

No problem. I just wrote "Havana Daydreamin'" on another thread so I know what you mean.

[pigsmith]

"Try this LINK to that thread."

I BELIEEEEEVE this Hubert Flottz character is an LFP.

[pigsmith]

Curious...

I wonder if all DemoRats can be compared to some sort of plastic person.

If you don't cease and desist from posting such horrifying sights I'll lose my medical because my eyes have been gouged out.

[Sally'sConcerns]

I BELIEVE THE DUMMY SPOKESPERSON WILLIAM RIVERS PITT HAS A HAIR CUT LIKE A HYENA, A VOICE WHICH RIVALS SKINNER'S CHIHUAHA, AN OVER INFLATED SENSE OF SELF THAT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN A CHEST LIKE A BLOW UP DOLL WITH A PIN PRICK IN IT, FEET WHICH LEAVE TRACKS LIKE SASQUATCH BUT SMELL LIKE ROTTEN SHRIMP, DINGLEBERRIES IN BETWEEN HIS TOES, PALMS WITH SO MUCH HAIR ON THEM HE LEAVES NO FINGERPRINTS ONLY ENOUGH FUR FOR HIS MOTHER TO CROCHET INTO DOILIES EACH NIGHT, A NOSE WHICH GAVE JIMMY DURANTE THE IDEA FOR HIS OWN RHINOPLASTY, HE CARIES A TUNE IN THE SAME WAY A CICADA DRONES ON, GIVE HIM A BEER AND HE MAKES LIKE A WINDOW AND SHOWS THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH, HIS BODY ODOR SMELLS LIKE A CIVET CAT'S, HIS EARS ARE FULL OF QUAGMIRE, HE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS MOM'S BASEMENT HE LIVED IN BUT RECENTLY FOUND OUT SHE'D KICKED HIM OUT YEARS AGO IN FAVOR OF A HUMPBACK WHALE, HE'D BE HOMELESS BUT THE STREETS REJECTED HIM TOO, DUMPSTERS SMELL HIM COMING AND ROLL OUT OF HIS WAY IN FEAR, HE LEARNED TO READ OFF OF A BROKEN BOTTLE OF MOGEN DAVID, HE SNORES LIKE A FOG HORN, HE BUYS HIS CLOTHES OFF THE BARGAIN RACK AT K-MART AND HE THINKS HE'S BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE BECAUSE HE CAN SPELL IRRUDITE.

I believe he's the best DU has to offer! I BELIEVE and that's a miracle DU can offer that much in a spokesperson.

OH, AND MOGEN DAVID NEVER TAUGHT HIM NOT TO SHOUT!

[rwrcpa1]

Mine would be that all religion would suddenly dissappear because, without religion, there is peace

Without religion, there is no hope.

[blinachka]

Sheesh!! What a bunch of DUmmies!!!

I think this has to be my favorite:

GORE/DEAN in 2008!!!!!!!

Oh yes, please! Bring 'em on!! hehehe!! What a great campaign they could have! The Leftist Lunatic Losers! Can you imagine the convention? BBwwwaaahahahaha!!!!

[Allosaurs_r_us]

Mine would be that all religion would suddenly disappear because, without religion, there is peace

 

What an idiot. Genghis Khan didn't give a rusty about religion. He was in it for the money. That and something to keep a couple hundred thousand real bad @sses occupied so they didn't start eating their own like the DUmmies do on occasion.

 

The point is religion has little to do with whether or not we fight each other. Man doesn't need much of an excuse to go at the other guys throat. Heck I'd like to kick the shirt out of 50% of the morons over at the DUmpster, just cause I don't like the way they look.

[SCALEMAN]

"Mr. President, I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens.

Dr Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. One of my favorite Peter Sellers movies. The cast of characters was great.

[Oztrich Boy]

That Andy rose on the third day and will soon appear to the multitude.