DUmmie FUnnies 07-13-05 ("If you could wish for one single 'Miracle' what would that be?")

DUmmie Fantasy threads are among my faves. I mean who can forget the comedic entertainment of the many many “I BELEEEEEVE” threads where the DUmmies fervently declared “I BELEEEEVE that John Kerry will be inaugurated president on Jan. 20?” More recently there was a thread where they speculated that Al Gore is our president in another universe. And now we have this fantasy THREAD titled, “If you could wish for one single ‘Miracle’ what would that be?” What is really great about this fantasy thread, is that it is not limited to just one bizarre fantasy. The DUmmies give free reign to their imaginations to come up with many miraculous fantasies. So let us now enjoy the spectacle of DUmmies ardently trying to conjure up miracles in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, mumbling “abra cadabra,” is in the [brackets]:

[My wish for a single miracle would be that on Election Day, the exit polls show that Kerry would win in a landslide, thus causing the DUmmies to jubilantly celebrate prematurely. However, a few hours later the exit polls would be proven to be wrong because Bush actually wins the election which causes the DUmmies to go into a depressive tailspin when the rug is pulled out from under them. I know this miracle is a big stretch but you said I could at least wish for one.]

Mine would be the political resurrection of Brother Al Gore in 2006-2008...Say Amen Somebody!!!

Say I BELIEEEVE that...only AL can SAVE us now...I BELIEEEVE we in America could use some Truth and some Light for a CHANGE...I BELIEEEVE that...that ole DEVIL(KKKarl-zee-bub)is out to smite Move on.org...because he thinks that in so doing, he can drive a political stake into Al Gore's heart for allllll eternity...Keep in mind dear friends, brothers and sisters, that...The bad guys always fear and want to destroy the good guys...Always Have...Always Will...Let's all sing 'Shall we gather at the voter registration office'

KKKarl has a bad habit of trying to destroy anyone, or anything, that threatens to derail the neocon's grand plans...Folks like Howard Dean, Joe Wilson and Al Gore! Now I guess it's Move On's turn to be cast into the lake of lies. Karl want's to get even with Move On...Just like He Tried to Get Even Of Joe Wilson's wife. There is a pattern there...I BELIEEEEVE!

[And the weird thing is that is ALSO my miracle wish for the Democrat ticket in 2008. And now let us hear about the miracles desired by the rest of your fellow DUmmies…]

Mine would be all of Bushco behind bars, never to be resurrected again! EVER! That would be miracle enough for me, I could die a happy woman.

The miracle I wish for is the impeachment of Bush, Cheney, and the rest of his administration. An impeachment so gruesome that it would scar the GOP for decades to come and lead to an era of progressive prosperity like that of the 30s-60s.

[You would need ANOTHER miracle to make the Depression years of the 1930s an era of “progressive prosperity.”]

I BELIEEEEEEVE...We are bound for the promised land! If the truth ever be told!

[HALLELUJAH!!! I SEEEEE THE PROMISED LAND! JUST OVER THAT HILL!!! I SEEEEE PYONYANG!!!]

I got down on my hands and knees...and asked the almighty for a sign that America is turning away from the ways of sins, from refusing to read, from watching FOX NEWS, form listening to Limbaugh, from refusing to use what you gave them, oh Lord, somebody give me an Amen, from refusing to use their God given common sense. Brothers and Sisters help me help these people who are so depraved, lead by the Bush Enterprises. Can I get witness? Give me a Hallelujah. Mercy me, I am so excited that the Neocons are being rejected by more and more people. I gotta jump up and holler, Lord, help me.

[HALLELUJAH!!! I got down and my hands and knees and prayed to the Almighty for the American public to close their eyes and ears to any information contrary to the DNC talking points.]

I do honestly believe, that Shrub was the "major calamity" that all the old seers and prophets predicted for the new millennium. We almost made it through the year 2000 without a major disaster, until December of 2000, when the SCOTUS awarded Al Gore's job to Bush. We got a millennium chimp in 2000 instead of the millennium bug.

[As predicted in the book of DUmmie Revelations---the Millennium Beast Chimp shall rule in Darkness for all Eternity.]

My wish would be for a healthy baby, and a healthy world for her to live in, in about six months from now.

To win the lotto and move to somewhere safe. Prefer a place where I can have my bare butt swatted with palm leaves by half naked hula girls...

[Leave off the part about naked hula girls and palm leaves and you describe about 95% of the male DUmmie fantasies.]

Justice would mean waking up tomorrow morning in a sweat. I look around me and my husband is gone to work. My sons come in and give me a great big hug and I make my way to the kitchen to get breakfast. I see a note on the table and it is from my wonderful spouse. I read it and it says, "You fell asleep last night before the votes were counted - Gore won!" Then I look at the newspaper and sure enough he did win. All of this had been but a dream.

[Good news! Gore DID win in an alternate universe. Didn’t you read the DUmmie thread on this very topic?]

[Let me guess, DUmmie natrat. You consider yourself one of the elite 5% who will not be part of that “painless reduction.”]

O Lord ...Call down your vengeance upon the liars and the speakers of false doctrine. Let them be sealed in the whited sepulchers of their own iniquity never to see the light of your countenance. Let those who speak of righteous and do not practice it be cast into the everlasting lake of the burning brimstone. Let their tongues shrivel and their loins grow barren. Let them know fully the wrath of the one they have maligned with their vile preachings and may they serve as a perpetual warning toward those who presume to know the mind of g-d.

Sometimes I think the Devil himself is in my keyboard boggling my mind a-purpose! Praise the big skeery guy way up yonder past them clouds, that they had plenty of good cold draft beer at the El Toro Lounge today. I CAN FEEEEEEEEEEL THE CHANGE...when I wrap my parched old lips around a couple of ice cold pitchers of brew! I really do think it's a miracle that you can get a gallon of draft beer, or a gallon of high octane gas, for the same price now, down there at the stop and go drive through! MYYYYY, MYYYY, MYYYYY...But don't the Lawd Works in some gaul danged Mysterious ways sometimes?

[HALLELUJAH!!! HE HAS WRAPPED HIS PARCHED OLD LIPS AROUND A COUPLE OF ICE COLD PITCHERS OF BREW AND HAS SEEEEEEN THE VISIONS!!!]

Retroactive infertility for Prescott Bush. Imagine a world with no Bush twins. No W. No Jeb. No Neil. Laura Bush as a school librarian. No G.W. Bush. Barbara in a trailer home somewhere. Damn, imagine it. Talk about a better world.

[Hmmm… I’m thinking here that we need to come up with new lyrics for John Lennon’s “Imagine” song.]

Anyway, my miracle.. I guess I'd have to go with an impeachment of Bush and his cronies, followed by embarrassed retirement of the rest of his administration, subsequent investigations into all allegations against them, revealing the vote fraud in the 2004 election, and installing Kerry in the white house as a result.

[SIGH! To install Kerry in the White House following a Bush impeachment, you would need ANOTHER miracle to retroactively change the constitution for a different line of succession. But don’t feel bad. Your error is a COMMON DUmmie fantasy.]

Mine would be that all religion would suddenly dissappear because, without religion, there is peace

Of course they'd all be determined to be in the 5% that survived. What they fail to realize is that their lives, too, would be nasty, brutish, and short.

Human society depends on an enormous network of support, and the removal of far less than 95% of it would result in total collapse. Look around you. Look at every single thing you see. How many people were involved in making it and/or keeping it operational? Well, let's see... the first thing that caught my eye was a cordless phone. Those involved include:

The people who molded the plastics
The people who refined the petroleum into the plastic that got molded
The people who pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded
The people who made the equipment that pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded
The people who smelted the ore that became the metal that made the equipment that pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded
The people who mined the ore that got smelted into the metal that made the equipment that pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded
The people who made the light bulbs that went on the helmets of the people who mined the ore that got smelted into the metal that made the equipment that pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded
The people who melted and shaped the glass for the light bulbs that went on the helmets of the people who mined the ore that got smelted into the metal that made the equipment that pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded
The people who built the vacuum pump that evacuated the air from the glass for the light bulbs that went on the helmets of the people who mined the ore that got smelted into the metal that made the equipment that pumped the petroleum that got refined into the plastics that got molded

...and I'm going to stop this particular train right here, because I could literally go on for pages. We're only up to the plastic case, and already innumerable people have had a hand in the making of this phone. Let's move on...

The people who fabricated the liquid crystal used in the display
The people who melted and shaped the glass for the display
The people who mined the copper for the contacts for the liquid crystal display
The people who made the equipment for the light bulbs for the copper miners, etc etc etc...
The people who designed the integrated circuits for the telephone
The people who fabricated the integrated circuits for the phone
The people who designed and built the machines for the fabrication plant for the integrated circuits for the phone
The people who mined and smelted the ore for the machines for fabrication plant for the integrated circuits for the phone, etc etc etc...
The people who built the power supply for the phone
The people who produced the copper wire for the power transmission system that's necessary for the phone
The people who mined and smelted the copper ore for the wire, and the guys who made the light bulbs for their helments, etc etc etc...

...ad nauseam. And I haven't even gotten into the phone's radio transmitter, and the radio receiver on the base station, and the backlight for the liquid crystal display, and the diodes that make the keypad light up, and the speaker for the ringer, and the contacts for the base station to charge the handset, and the handset's battery, and the guys who mined the lithium for the battery, and their equipment, helmets, and light bulbs, and ten thousand other things. And that's not even beginning to touch the phone system itself, into which billions of man-hours have gone and millions of man-hours are necessary to keep operational.

And that's just one item... one item which most of us would find very difficult to live without. Hey, DUmmies... any guesses as to how many people were involved in getting you that organic granola bar you had for breakfast? How many people were involved in growing the oats, producing the fertilizer, producing the equipment used by the farmer, conveying the whole oats off to a processing plant, making the machines used to hull, parcook, and roll the oats, produce the sugars and other ingredients, convey all of the above to the granola bar company, mix them in the proper proportions, produce the wrappers, convey the wrappers to the granola bar company, heat-seal the wrappers, package them in boxes, ship them off to the local Whole Foods, keep the Whole Foods lighted and heated, produce the cash registers used to complete the transaction?

No man is an island. Heck, no man is even a peninsula. Our very lives depend on the efforts of millions of other people, each of whom is motivated solely by his own self-interest. Get rid of 95% of us, and the remaining 5% will die off faster than you could imagine. And not very peacefully. The efforts of millions have already gone into the production of lots and lots of weapons, which would certainly be used as the desparate last dregs of humanity struggled over the few remaining resources.

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