DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[BTHOtu]

I thought gays were supposed to be tall, thin, & neat.

[rikkir]

I saw people comparing him to Andy Richter. I think he looks more like Chrissy Matthews. If I was better at HTML I'd post a comparison. Would some one care to do that real quick?

[Lx]

No only did he post as God-Bush-n-Cheney but he said HE was the God in God-Bush-n-Cheney.

Even so, if he has cancer, I wish him a speedy recovery. Even though I disagree with his lifestyle, political viewpoint and pretty much everything else, I don't wish him harm, cancer or otherwise.

[MisterRepublican]

"Telephone work — If you are organized and unafraid of the telephone, your talents are badly needed. Andy Stephenson is one such person. Stephenson takes excellent notes, but more than that, he seems to be able to get people to do things for him."--- Page 207 "Black Box Voting" — © 2004 Bev Harris [this book is available for free in .PDF form online at www.blackboxvoting.org]

[rikkir]

"Even so, if he has cancer, I wish him a speedy recovery. Even though I disagree with his lifestyle, political viewpoint and pretty much everything else, I don't wish him harm, cancer or otherwise."

I think that we all feel the same. As a matter of fact I pray he doesn't have cancer. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. However the fact that he doesn't have cancer will hopefully lead to him doing a perpwalk, which is why we will never know the truth. Even if the DUmmies find out, they will circle the wagons (for all of his good works, don't ya know).

[hipaatwo]

This was on CU

Seattle
1. Dr. Carlos Pellegrini
University of Washington, Seattle
Pellegrini (contact person Nancy Pierson)
"I had my Whipple performed by Carlos Pellegrini, M.D. at the University of Washington in Seattle, Washington. I was referred to Dr. Pellegrini by Dr. John Cameron at Johns Hopkins. Dr. Pellegrini is the chairman of the Dept. of surgery and very experienced in performing Whipple procedures. In fact, his name kept popping up from other doctors that I spoke with including surgeons at the University of Utah Medical Center and University Medical Center at Texas Tech in Lubbock, TX. I cannot give you statistics on his specific data - you can get that from Nancy Pierson. All I know is I owe this man my life. "

http://www.healthyfoundations.com/pancreatic/whippleoptions.html#wa

Carlos A. Pellegrini, M.D.

Carlos A. Pellegrini photo
Patient Services:

Surgical Specialties Center at UWMC, Thursdays at 1:00-5:00 pm
Phone: 206-598-4477
Patient Scheduling: 206-598-4547

See also

The Swallowing Center
Center for Videoendoscopic Surgery
Faculty Office:

Phone: 206-543-3106

E-mail:
pellegri@u.washington.edu

Fax: 206-685-6912

Address:
Carlos A. Pellegrini, M.D.
The Henry N. Harkins Professor and Chairman
University of Washington
Department of Surgery
Box 356410
Seattle, WA 98195-6410
The Henry N. Harkins Professor and
Chairman
Co-Director, Center for
Videoendoscopic Surgery
Director, Swallowing Center
Faculty Positions:

University of Washington, The Henry N. Harkins Professor and Chairman, 1996 - present.

University of Washington, Professor and Chairman, 1993 -present.

University of California, San Francisco, Professor, 1989-92.

University of California, San Francisco, Associate Professor, 1984-89.

University of California, San Francisco, Assistant Professor, 1979-84.
Education:

Fellowship: University of Chicago, 1975-76.

Residencies: University of Rosario Medical School, Argentina, 1971-75. University of Chicago, 1976-79.

M.D. Degree: University of Rosario Medical School, Argentina, 1971.

Board Certified: General Surgery, 1980; recertified, 1990, 1999.
Clinical Interests:

Esophageal surgery, swallowing disorders, pancreatic and hepatobiliary surgery, minimally invasive surgery.
Research Interests:

Esophageal physiology and pathophysiology, minimally invasive surgery.

http://depts.washington.edu/surgery/faculty/pellegrini.html

[franksolich]

You know, I am no psychologist, but one of the more-fascinating "little things" in this still-unfolding story was that thread about "proof," in which the felonious Andy offered to show his bare rear end.

I have seen confidence-men in operation before; there is nothing new about the felonious Andy, to me.

Anyway, in that "bare-all" thread, the DUmmies had a great deal of fun and laughter at the idea of their hero mooning his skeptics.....when in fact, the felonious Andy was mooning the DUmmies themselves.

To be a successful confidence-man, one has to first have utter contempt for his victims or planned victims.

I did not care much for that "bare-all" thread--either the language or the pictures it conjured in the imagination (a blindingly snow-white rear)--but I thought it was important to post anyway, because in it the felonious Andy was mooning the DUmmies, not us.

[Barset]

Thanks for posting this. The importance of screen-saving cannot be overstated.

Is it possible to ask the moderators not to delete any posts on the Andyscam threads, no matter how many abuse buttons are pushed? Newsguyone's posts were deleted; then he came back as Newsguytwo, but his original posts are gone.

If someone is banned or dropped for any reason can the moderators not delete these posts, also? This really is not a game, as you seem to understand. b.

[Barset]

So great, rikkir. Thank you.

[KJC1]

I can't remember if anyone's posted this yet, a post from Skinner in the lounge. This is ALL he has to say about UndieGate:

"In the General Discussion forum, we've all been worrying about Andy Stephenson. There were some very unfortunate allegations which I won't repeat here. I hope you'll agree that we dealt with the challenge effectively, and provided some much-needed stability and leadership."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3255478

[lutz]

franksolich sir, it appears as if the lawyers for Johns Hopkins Hospital is investigating this:

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6331&page=58&pp=20

I don't know about you, but methinks 'AndyScam' from CU is more than what he/she appears!

Your thoughts, sir, after taking in that discussion (read to the end of the exchange from that page forward)

[commonguymd]

so was an interesting exchange at 1150 where IT gives up phone number and address of the person handling the funds and then it continues on from there - someone seems to have additional information:

http://www.conservativeunderground.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6331&page=58&pp=20

[franksolich]

Uh, I have absolutely no influence with moderators; in fact, the moderators probably dislike me, because of the controversial and contentious "Norway ping list."

Having been a "host" myself (on America On-Line "college football chat"), I understand rules exist for a reason, even if the "why" escapes us.

[gidget7]

He has disciplined the DUmmies, once on each of the past 2 evenings. (Lounge I believe) But not a word about Felonious Andy.

[commonguymd]

no clearing of it yet. he is very careful with his words.

[lutz]

Now THAT is interesting! Great find!

[luvie]

....how's that? There IS a resemblance!

[lutz]

IT = 'principal' from over at CU who has been trying to create a smoke screen for the scam but has slipped up one time too many it appears! >3

[commonguymd]

well seems the fbi is involved in one way or another - either on the side of andy or the people that lost money - at least from the last IT post.

[KJC1]

Yup. "Unfortunate allegations" not "untrue allegations".