DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[Charles Henrickson]

Here is the deathly ill, dying-of-pancreatic-cancer Undie Stephenson in Columbus, Ohio, last weekend, on May 7 and 8:

Notice the date indicator in the lower right corner of each photo.

[hipaatwo]

$25,002.63 (none / 0)

As of a couple hours ago!!!!! Many thanks to all--you/we did it!!!!

by Cherisse on Mon May 2nd, 2005 at 12:17:40 PDT

Ok, drum roll please.... (none / 0)

Word from Beth is that it's about $27,100 right now and Andy is extremely appreciative of all you're doing to help him. This news is a weight off his shoulders, and he is feeling a little bit more "chipper"!

He thanks everyone who cares about him and has donated to help him.

All of you who have put your heart and soul and put a "tithe" in for Andy's sake are like angels. You represent the best that we can be.

by dragon slayer on Mon May 2nd, 2005 at 16:42:06 PDT


http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/5/1/125012/8506

[commonguymd]

So they apparently had ALL the money to to pay the 25000 needed (which I don't believe is necessary at JH) by the 2nd when only 15000 was necessary. Someone good at timelines might want to put these requests and announcements all in a nice neat timeline to see how it all fits. I might be able to later - but I got to fly pretty soon.

[rikkir]

"May 4: Undie lands in Baltimore
May 5: Undie allegedly visits w/ the doctor
May 5: Cashier's Check for $25k is issued from WA state
May 6: Cashier's Check for $7k is issued from WA state
May 6: Sfexpat2000 announces just over $32k is raised
May 7: Undie is in Ohio @ the DU meetup
May 11: 12 Noon Undie posts that JH has been paid
May 11: 8 PM Undie posts that he wrote a "hot check"
So the checks could have been sent either Fri->Sat & must have been over-nighted to reach JH by Monday morning before Undie arrived."

Something else we are forgetting is that in this timeline, Undie shows up at JH on what one place says is the 10th but what I remember as the 11th, and JH has lost the checks.
He some how finds the checks in a mailroom and with no prior scheduling or notice they give him a CT scan on the day after his original surgery had been scheduled. On top of that he claims he had no knowledge that he was going to have said CT scan or what it was for.
So let me get this straight, I can call and schedule pancreatic cancer surgery at JH without any insurance on the promise of monies being collected on the Internet, show up on the day after the surgery was scheduled (without any preliminary tests by the Dr.s at JH by the way) find 2 lost checks in the mailroom, and have a 2-3 hour CT scan done the same day, and have a transcript of the CT scan 2 days later as well as the copies of the checks to post that were not cut until after I left Seattle, and mailed some time after that (remember lost in the mailroom).
Somebody has discovered time travel and has the ability to insert themselves into the schedule of one of the premier hospitals in the US at will, and obtain medical records presumably at the same time the doctors receive them.
A pretty neat trick if you ask me?

[commonguymd]

Excellent analysis.

[hipaatwo]

Googled Andy Stephenson

http://www.google.com/search?as_q=&num=100&hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&btnG=Google+Search&as_epq=andy+stephenson&as_oq=&as_eq=&lr=&as_ft=i&as_filetype=&as_qdr=all&as_occt=any&as_dt=i&as_sitesearch=&safe=images


he had to have raised tons of money, his request was all over the place

[Chappaquiddick Crawdad]

Is that thing he has his arm around in the lower photo his boytoy? Jeeze, he/it looks like he/it could be a highschool junior. BARF!

Please tell me I'm wrong!

[rikkir]

I am truly amazed at the speed in which Undie and his friends have the ability to get things done at what is one of the busiest hospitals in America.
When I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma January of 2003, by the time I finished with all of the testing and meeting with the Doctors, Surgeons, etc I had my nephrectomy on 4-4-03. Now I know my cancer was not as serious as pancreatic cancer but it was still cancer and my doctors moved with due diligence, and I had been seeing the same one for 2+ years.
Here this guy just shows up and they drop all their other patients to help the "Amazing Undie". Everybody at JH must be posters at DU.

[commonguymd]

Much more than 50000 methinks.

[commonguymd]

Someone else got that stench of pedophilia.

[gidget7]

Oh my GOD!!! I can't believe that search you did!!! I didn't think anything about this whole scam could surprise me, but that certainly did!

[hipaatwo]

CHECK THIS OUT!!

http://www.peopleforchange.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=20858

[hipaatwo]

2/11/05 - 07:29 PM
Post #1

Andy Stephenson, also known as God-bush-n-Cheney, has caught Hepatitis A. He is on bedrest for at least six weeks. I talked to him on the phone last week when he was in D.C. He thought he had food poisioning but couldn't afford to go to the doctors. He is home now.

Andy has given his heart and soul to our mission. He got seriously used by Bev Harris....she has not paid him yet.

Anyways, he needs our financial support. Here is a link to the paypal: It was set-up on DU.

http://tinyurl.com/6jyf4

Andy posts under the name "GodBushNCheney"--Ed.

[commonguymd]

http://www.therandirhodesshow.com/randirhodes/messageboards/index.php?showtopic=49660

here is where air america and randi rhodes are trying to solicit money for him.

On May 7th they were reporting they had 34000.

John Hopkins made a 25000 mistake - yah right!

[commonguymd]

Had Hepatitis A, but it turned into pancreatic cancer. I guess it could happen.

Point being, he was collecting since February.

[rikkir]

From your search:
Seems our boy Undie has some history with Johns Hopkins.
I don't know how to post links but it can be copied to the address bar.
Link: http://www.andystephenson.com/?q=taxonomy/page/or/4

Text:
Voting Systems Security Concerns Rise to New LevelSubmitted by Julie Goldberg on Sat, 03/06/2004 - 12:37 PST. Press Releases
Dec. 16th NEWS CONFERENCE
http://www.blackboxvoting.org
Press Conference in Seattle at 2 p.m. Tuesday December 16 - at Seattle Labor Temple - 2800 First Ave. - Seattle
16 DEC 2003, Seattle WA — This is of national interest. A new security concern has surfaced which may eclipse the software holes in the Diebold voting system found by Johns Hopkins and Rice University scientists in July. Bev Harris, author of “Black Box Voting” and Andy Stephenson, democratic candidate for Washington secretary of state, have uncovered new holes in the electoral system in King County and in as many as 14 additional states.
These security breaches affect both the optical scan systems (fill-in-the-dot or draw-the-line) and touch screen voting systems, and may also indicate significant security problems with absentee voting procedures.

[commonguymd]

Someone said there are 123 sites soliciting funds for him - if it a scam - it is unbeknown to them.

February thru May, 123 sites, constant call for money - this could make Bev's 300000 small potatoes. Was Bev really the bad person? She fired Andy for embezzling funds to buy underwear for cripes sakes.

[Scothia]

Hey, be aware that IT over at CU is saying that Andy definitely was in Baltimore on the 9th.

What does "IT" refer to? Sorry, I haven't read every last post on both threads--though I've made a valiant effort to do so.

[commonguymd]

Criminals tend to always commit crimes in areas of familiarity.

[Scothia]

On the 5/7/ photo, can someone see what the name is on the tag on that woman to Undie's right?