DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[lutz]

Nice! I'm going to check it out!

[lutz]

Thanks! I'd love to find out who IT really is and have IT called out~

[gardencatz]

I'm probably a day late and a dollar short on this one (or $10 as the case may be), but aren't those checks made out to a JOHN Hopkins and not JOHNS Hopkins?

Cindie

[txradioguy]

I just asked "principal" about the checks.

[lutz]

Should I stop insulting IT? I just signed up so I don't know any of the rules, but it looks like anything goes?

[txradioguy]

Here's "principal's" response to me about the checks having the wrong name.


"Originally Posted by principal
I don't fucking know. I'm sure the hospital gets that all the time. how many times does a little credit union in Seattle make out cashiers checks to Johns Hopkins? I'll betcha that was the first time ever. Straws man, you're grasping at straws. It's sad really."

My question is how does he/she/it KNOW it was a "little credit union in Seattle" when there is no routing number or bank name on the checks.

[txradioguy]

You're fine he/she/it has no room to talk...I just told the FNG to STFU where you are concerned.

[lutz]

Someone here found out it was Verity Credit Union by figuring out the routing #'s. Someone from here called to verify that the checks have been issued and we were going to have PJ or speed_addiction call today to follow up & doubly verify that those checks really were issued.

Is that the first time it's mentioned the credit union in Seattle?

[lutz]

Thanks! ;3

[lutz]

Just remember though, just because cashier's checks were issued, does NOT mean that Undie has to turn them over to the hospital. Him & his scammer buddies could have pooled money to purchase the checks to create the 'illusion' this is on the up & up. They can always go back to the bank and return the checks for their money back.

[txradioguy]

"Is that the first time it's mentioned the credit union in Seattle?"

Yes it is. Shouldn't be hard to google search the name of the CU and see if it's legit.

[luvie]

Thanks for the up-date! I was wondering why it was so quiet here and in DUmmieland! Heads will roll!!!!! Suuurrre!

When you think about the bandwagon effect--maybe there really are only 11 DUmmies with 250 "names" apiece! Sounds more logical than the fact that any more than that would want to post there in the slime! LOL!

[lutz]

Or it's trolling over here to see how much has been verified so it can keep changing it's story.

Isn't there a DUmp thread where Undie said he stopped smoking and drinking JUST recently?

[lutz]

Hey franksolich, isn't there a DUmp thread where Undie said he stopped smoking and drinking recently? If so, can you post it? I'm almost positive there is & you have mentioned it.

[txradioguy]

Verity Credit Union is NOT as small as he/she/it would like us to think it is.


http://www.wasc.noaa.gov/services/fld/credit.htm


http://www.veritycu.com/

[lutz]

Nope, and notice how Undie and IT had conveniently forgotten to mention the bank so this could be verified? They sent us barking up the wrong tree(I'll wait for PJ or speed to report back on this for the final word the checks are legit - i'm pretty positve they are though, the FReeper who found out definitly has banking history and knew what she was doing) to get themselves more time.

That's what I think they did at least.

[txradioguy]

Yeah they tried to throw us off...didn't work though. Too many sharp minds working on this for them to fool us for more than a couple minutes.

[commonguymd]

Just because they are legit doesn't mean a thing. There is no proof the money went anywhere, and there is certainly no accounting of what money has been brought in and where it is being sent. This is quite amusing to watch the DU crowd and many other liberal sites getting duped - again.

[Charles Henrickson]

IF--IF--it indeed turns out to be a scam, like the red flags are warning, we may be singing this song:

UNDIE DOES PERP WALK
Tune: "Under the Boardwalk"
By the Grifters

When the scam breaks down
And turns out people learn the truth
And your trail gets so hot
You wish your little scheme were FReeperproof

Undie does perp walk
For all to see
With his ankles in a bracelet
Is where he'll be

(Undie does perp walk) Outrageous sums
(Undie does perp walk) He's been raisin' some funds
(Undie does perp walk) People sendin' their dimes
(Undie does perp walk) He'll be doin' some time
(Undie does perp walk, perp walk)

From the Farm you'll hear
Unhappy sounds from the DUmmie Ants
When they learn you've used their money
To buy underpants

Undie does perp walk
For all to see
With his ankles in a bracelet
Is where he'll be

(Undie does perp walk) Outrageous sums
(Undie does perp walk) He's been raisin' some funds
(Undie does perp walk) People sendin' their dimes
(Undie does perp walk) He'll be doin' some time
(Undie does perp walk, perp walk)

[eyespysomething]

mark