DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[speed_addiction]

Have you guys checked this dummie thread out? It is all out war!

Let Get Ready To Ruuuuumbllllle!

[Allegra]

"But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11..."

But the burning question here is:
Did he make the bed?

[speed_addiction]

The poster who "called" Veritas said that the bank issued BOTH checks.

[halieus]

I called Verity Credit Union at 206-440-9000 (they have a website at veritycu.com) and pressed 8 to talk to the operator. I told her I wanted to verify a cashier's check. She transferred me to a "chanelle" and I told her I wanted to verify a cashier's check. She stumbled a bit (not a totally common call to get, I'm sure, because people treat cashier's checks like they can't ever possible be forger or stolen-- but I know different) but then said she could verify if it was issued. So I gave her the check numbers and she verified the date issued, the amount and to whom it was issued.

And which check numbers would those be, since there were none on the checks?

[Duke Nukum]

Hi Frank

I'm mostly just reading your alerts and a few posts around them. Has Skinner turned up? I didn't see the Skinner "Silence of the Scams" clock in this alert.

Be well.

[rikkir]

Is this the first time Skinner's posted since he disappeared the other day??

[halieus]

You're really transparent, you know.

[lutz]

They could both be '6' at the end, it's rather hard to tell (for me at least). She posted the # to call them earlier to verify the checks were issued. Here's another number to try(I did not call them fyi),

For branch inquiries (unless otherwise stated), call:
(206) 440-9000 or toll free
(800) 444-4589

Hmm...and unless I missed something or they use a different routing # for their cashier's checks or I'm in the wrong states VCU webpage, their routing # is:

Verity Credit Union's Routing Number:
325081885

Their webpage: http://www.veritycu.com/verity.cfm?TN=welcome

[speed_addiction]

we got him into John's Hopkins a week ago thursday...my hubbys boss did it..and andy was scheduled to go june 2nd which would have given us more time to fund raise..

But, wasn't Andy in Ohio that weekend? Leaving no stone unturned looking for voter fraud?

[decal]

Well, there ARE check # on them; 11355 and 11383.

Nivertheliss, rats are being smelt here - verifying the date of a check on a branch that MUST HAVE closed between May 5, 2005 and yesterday...

[I_like_good_things_too]

They told me nothing about other inquiries. But it's unlikely that everyone who calls is directed to the same person-- it's probably just a call center, so the woman I talked to may have not received any other calls, who knows. And yes, I got the name of the credit union employee who gave me the info (chanelle) and I'm sure she doesn't consider it unusual at all. People call to verify cashier's checks frequently. What would have been unusual would have been for her to know that I wasn't the payee calling to verify the check, but some other "interested" party.

Any of you who think I'm "part of the plan" and didn't really verify that the checks were issued, it's quite easy to check it out yourself. Don't be afraid-- the worst thing that will happen is that the credit union will get so many calls they'll flag the checks and stop answering the inquiries. There is no law against calling to verify if a cashier's check was issued-- it's common practice-- some larger financial institutions actually have departments you are specifically directed to in order to verify checks so that their employees aren't overrun with inquiries.

[halieus]

Speed, I have VOIP and the service is down. Any possibility of you (or anyone else) calling to confirm the stories about the checks supposedly being legit (despite the fact that one of the banks doesn't exist).

[NRA1995]

Watch some mindless TV

Survivor, American Idol, Desperate Housewives, any of the current drivel that passes for entertainment....

[I_like_good_things_too]

Actually decal, I did check both check numbers and apparently Verity issued both. I can't explain the difference in routing numbers (nor could I read them). I just took the bank info you gave and called them.

[I_like_good_things_too]

I did call Verity. You can too.

[lutz]

11385 = $25,000 & 11383 = $7,000

[PJ-Comix]

Okay. Here is something for your AndyScam pipe. Skinner DID make an appearance today in DUmmieland at 5:32 PM with this THREAD titled, "OK, let's try this again." Skinner does NOT sound very happy. Here is what Skinner posted:

OK, let's try this again.

Yes, sniffa has been banned.

The Princess has also been banned.

I know people are very angry with me right now. Well, I'm pretty angry too, so I guess we're even.

I don't really feel like banning any more people. I am instructing the mods to not touch this thread. Go ahead, get it all out of your system now.

Skinner
DU Admin

[NRA1995]

"See the glory of the royal scam....."

[lutz]

Thanks for pulling these! If you find any others, keep them coming!(I *am* saving these all for comparison now! ^_~ )

& I like how this keeps changing;

this is the top doctor in the nation with the best results in getting this cancer and having a long life span after the tumour removed..

I'm starting to think 'fly' flew the coop & is happily sipping martini's in Paris right now on the AndyScam dole...

[BTHOtu]

So I gave her the check numbers and she verified the date issued, the amount and to whom it was issued.

The check was issued to "John Hopkins" not to the prestigeous medical facility Johns Hopkins. I am still not buying it.