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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: SCALEMAN

I am so sorry for your loss!! This whole scam must be very hard for you to take.


1,941 posted on 05/16/2005 4:49:13 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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To: hipaatwo; All

From flyarm:

371. no dear..

we have broken all protocol to get andy in with this dr and in this possible test program going on,,,under no circumstances would he have qualified without insurance..we broke the protocol and the proceedures through a back door..please get mad at our government not the hospital..and not the care andy will get this dr has a 5x success rate above any other in the world..
thisis a very expensive surgery and a very expensive after treatment if andy qualifies and we wont know that until during or after surgery..so please put you anger where it should be..with your government and those who are unwilling to see to it that every american has coverage!

we went through every back door to get andy in under no circiumstances would he have gotten in if they knew he didnt have insurance..and through ommission on my part of not telling the man who got andy in that andy didnt have insurance ..if that fact had been known the answer would have been no..so through omission i lied...and now my husbands boss is very angry as his reputation is now on the line..and he may never trust me again to get anyone else into JH....now the man is angry , as no one gets into this program period without insurance ..period!!

and i have another friend who left fla yesterday to go to JH with a double cancerous brain tumor..terminal...so please do not blame the hospital..its our government that you need to direct your anger at..no american should have to face this..
but andy will have the best care known to man..and dr's and nurses have to be paid..and medication that is very expensive has to be given..and this is a very tough surgery..

lets put our energy into getting andy the surgery and afterwards..then lets allgo fight our congress people and seantors..and fight like hell..but this hospital is not at fault..

andy was original scheduled for june 2nd..when the dr saw his records he moved it up..so it left little time to do anything but get the money together for him,..
i knew it was going to be a problem..but he has the best surgeon in the world..who has the best success ratio..of helping andy be cancer free..please lets count those blessings...and fight to get equality for all after this...
there is a posibility andy may get into the test program that is showing remarkable success.it all depends on what the dr finds when they go in...
so please lets all take BREATH AND PRAY FOR POSITIVE RESULTS OF THE SURGERY .. and lets pray that soon andy is cancer free!

and remember we went over and above protocol and proceedures of JH just to get andy in...and that was before they knew he didnt have insurance...the no insurance is just another hurdle but getting him into this dr was the biggest hurdle!!

he has a chance to get the best care available in the world with this doctor...lets count those blessings!!

fly


1,942 posted on 05/16/2005 4:49:21 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: SCALEMAN

No, the point is that on March 23 Undie said they biopsy was "done." Then, one week later, his friends are saying he had the biopsy done on the day they posted, March 30.

That's the discrepancy.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife.


1,943 posted on 05/16/2005 4:49:44 PM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: Purrcival

I think post 503 was a early morning joke I told to txradioguy re: Undie and his Ironworker father. tx, I'm pretty sure you will remember with this reminder. Grin


1,944 posted on 05/16/2005 4:49:59 PM PDT by gate2wire (We Honor Those Who Serve)
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To: franksolich

Well, rats.

Just ran out of cigarettes.

Have to go to town.

I hope P.J. has a new edition up by the time I get back.


1,945 posted on 05/16/2005 4:50:06 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: KJC1

"Undie needs to answer that question point-blank, yes or no"

Someone asked him point blank over at DU this weekend. Did he ever answer? I know he didn't for several hours. Anyone know?


1,946 posted on 05/16/2005 4:50:22 PM PDT by imskylark
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To: speed_addiction

Enlightening isn't it!

I got into the archives by shear accident. I can keep going but I want to take a break for a while. If you want the link to the archived threads let me know.


1,947 posted on 05/16/2005 4:50:50 PM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
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To: SCALEMAN

Indeed, we are so sorry to read that you have an insider's look on this topic. My prayers for your loss.


1,948 posted on 05/16/2005 4:51:02 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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To: hipaatwo
Please tell me you're saving this stuff right? Just File -> Save As -> Web Page Complete~ (disregard this if you already know it) ;3
1,949 posted on 05/16/2005 4:52:34 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: imskylark
Someone asked him point blank over at DU this weekend. Did he ever answer? I know he didn't for several hours. Anyone know?

I thought that every time someone at DU asks any sort of meddling question like this, they get tombstoned.

1,950 posted on 05/16/2005 4:52:58 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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To: franksolich

BUY A CARTON this time..LOL
I'll give you one of mine.


1,951 posted on 05/16/2005 4:53:05 PM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
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To: lutz

um um um I will now.


1,952 posted on 05/16/2005 4:54:07 PM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
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To: hipaatwo
BUY A CARTON this time..LOL
I'll give you one of mine.

He says he buys them a pack at a time, to cut down the smoking. Also helps us, since every time he goes for ciggies, something breaks on UndieScam.

1,953 posted on 05/16/2005 4:55:00 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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To: franksolich

armed rednecks!! They sure have no shortage of theatrics over there!


1,954 posted on 05/16/2005 4:55:33 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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To: hipaatwo

If PJ is putting up a new edition, he should let this one go to 2000 posts before linking the new one. We are pretty close now.


1,955 posted on 05/16/2005 4:55:41 PM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: speed_addiction
If PJ is putting up a new edition, he should let this one go to 2000 posts before linking the new one. We are pretty close now.

Well, we could race to 2000 before he posts the new one. ;-)

1,956 posted on 05/16/2005 4:57:10 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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To: Scothia

Interestingly, on May 5, some newbie DUmmie "nerdling" asked a valid question--how are the donated funds for the felonious Andy to be accounted for?

The thread garnered one response, full of love and joy and peace and serenity, but not an answer to the question.

Surprisingly, that thread is still there.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3600567


1,957 posted on 05/16/2005 4:57:37 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: speed_addiction
Ask AndyScam on CU!! It doesn't look like Undie officially said that he 'has cancer' though, just that he's 'worried' about it.
1,958 posted on 05/16/2005 4:57:42 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: franksolich

LOL. Hey you. You got a great sense of humor, LOL.


1,959 posted on 05/16/2005 4:59:33 PM PDT by JLO
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To: lutz
It doesn't look like Undie officially said that he 'has cancer' though, just that he's 'worried' about it.

I think he's starting to worry about covering his butt (figuratively speaking, of course.) ;-)

1,960 posted on 05/16/2005 5:00:05 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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