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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: Nataku X
All I want to know is did you make sure to spray your computer with Lysol before returning here from the DUmp. Probably wouldn't hurt to get a tetanus shot while you're at it.
1,241 posted on 05/15/2005 3:05:43 PM PDT by beandog (The only time I was wrong was the time I thought I was wrong)
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To: Nataku X
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
1,242 posted on 05/15/2005 3:06:24 PM PDT by NeonKnight
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To: beandog

Better than Lysol...I'm a living, breathing, walking magnet. Every bit of data that enters a hard drive in my vicinity gets zeroed out! Had 6 hard drives go kaput in the last 2 years.


1,243 posted on 05/15/2005 3:08:19 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: NeonKnight; All

northstar (201 posts) Sun May-15-05 04:42 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. I presume you've seen him then?

Glad to hear that the prognosis may be better than he had originally thought

I'm going to ask the "pregnant question" here:

What happened to the money? Does Andy have it? Does JH have it? Is it in an interest-bearing account somewhere waiting for the surgery to happen? Or what?

Scores of people wish Andy well....but, in light of all that's transpired, inquiring minds (and there's a LOT of them here on DU) want to know - and, frankly, we DESERVE to know.

Kindly awaiting a response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~Demgirl (466 posts) Sun May-15-05 05:40 PM
Response to Reply #21
26. Unbelievable

What a b*tch. Blame the victim, sounds like major projection.

Not only is she unable to understand a pathology report, she also thinks Andy should sell his home to raise the cash? And I suppose his partner could have quickly raised that $50,000 in a few days by getting a new job?


1,244 posted on 05/15/2005 3:08:29 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: Krodg

The felonious Andy may be getting weak from all that high-living on everyone else's dime.....but one is still waiting, impatiently, for his conscience to kick in.


1,245 posted on 05/15/2005 3:09:04 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: Nataku X

you have nothing to worry about. Wouldn't matter if they had that information, nothing legally they can do and the Dump has their own trolls to worry about.


1,246 posted on 05/15/2005 3:10:02 PM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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To: NeonKnight

Thanks. I've saved it for possible future use.


1,247 posted on 05/15/2005 3:10:06 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: txradioguy; All

MissWaverly (1000+ posts) Sun May-15-05 05:15 PM
Response to Reply #3
10. Andy is staying with me in Baltimore-Miss Waverly


Last week there were setbacks that delayed his surgery, when Andy arrived last Monday in Baltimore, the check that he sent registered mail to Hopkins could not be found, so they canceled the surgery, we
tracked the check down by the next morning but it was too late by then to do any good, but it turns out that the surgery could not have be done Tuesday anyway because Andy needed a super duper test first, well billing now has the certified check, he has had his
preliminary test and surgery is now scheduled for May 26th, they will
try and move up the date (Andy is now on standby & will move up if there is an opening.) The problem is that more money is needed, the extra test was $1600 and the doctor bill will be another $7000. You guys know me I've been posting here since last November. This is legit, Andy really is ill and these are real charges.

Andy would not be staying at the Dust Bunny Palace if he wasn't not
serious about getting care here at Hopkins.

Miss Waverly
~~~~
Joan_Alpern (675 posts) Sun May-15-05 05:17 PM
Response to Reply #8
12. This post was delayed by my own visit to a therapist today.

Now I understand why. My visit was to a NYS Licensed Massage Therapist who does Craniosacral Therapy and her father's friend had the Whipple surgery done a few years ago. The surgery was a success! He is living a normal healthy


1,248 posted on 05/15/2005 3:10:52 PM PDT by Repub4bush (Mark Levin the next supreme court justice! :))
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To: speed_addiction

Andy is staying with me in Baltimore-Miss Waverly


Last week there were setbacks that delayed his surgery, when Andy arrived last Monday in Baltimore, the check that he sent registered mail to Hopkins could not be found, so they canceled the surgery, we
tracked the check down by the next morning but it was too late by then to do any good, but it turns out that the surgery could not have be done Tuesday anyway because Andy needed a super duper test first, well billing now has the certified check, he has had his
preliminary test and surgery is now scheduled for May 26th, they will
try and move up the date (Andy is now on standby & will move up if there is an opening.) The problem is that more money is needed, the extra test was $1600 and the doctor bill will be another $7000. You guys know me I've been posting here since last November. This is legit, Andy really is ill and these are real charges.

Andy would not be staying at the Dust Bunny Palace if he wasn't not
serious about getting care here at Hopkins.

Miss Waverly





http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=104&topic_id=3661413&mesg_id=3661499&page=

They NEED MORE MONEY!!


1,249 posted on 05/15/2005 3:11:06 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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To: commonguymd

Alrighty! Thanks everybody, you've made me feel much better. :-)


1,250 posted on 05/15/2005 3:11:09 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: franksolich

"but one is still waiting, impatiently, for his conscience to kick in."

Maybe it is.


"He was in pain and he was tired. The stress brought about by the continuing complications of the week seemed to have totally depleted his normally positive attitude."


1,251 posted on 05/15/2005 3:12:01 PM PDT by rikkir (The Dems see their demise, and his name is Delay!!)
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To: txradioguy

They are tombstoning anyone who even asks about Andy now.


1,252 posted on 05/15/2005 3:12:27 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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To: Nataku X

You are the hero(ine) of the day.

My cowboy hat tips to you, madam.


1,253 posted on 05/15/2005 3:12:29 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: franksolich

Fred, you were the one who got the email in the first place and posted it here. I conveniently happened to have a sleeping DU account waiting for the right moment for a kamikaze. If I am the heroine of the day, then in my eyes, you, sir, are the hero of the week.


1,254 posted on 05/15/2005 3:14:28 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: gidget7

Seriously? Can you screen shot the T/S'ing?


1,255 posted on 05/15/2005 3:14:42 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: gidget7
This is legit, Andy really is ill and these are real charges.

Funny. This scam is not legit and the charges are just lies to get more money from chumps. Hopefully Undie and his accomplices will be getting some other, legit, charges when law enforcement gets involved.

1,256 posted on 05/15/2005 3:15:13 PM PDT by MichiganConservative (Government IS the problem.)
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To: franksolich

Glad to hear that the prognosis may be better than he had originally thought

I'm going to ask the "pregnant question" here:

What happened to the money? Does Andy have it? Does JH have it? Is it in an interest-bearing account somewhere waiting for the surgery to happen? Or what?

Scores of people wish Andy well....but, in light of all that's transpired, inquiring minds (and there's a LOT of them here on DU) want to know - and, frankly, we DESERVE to know.

Kindly awaiting a response.


AND!!!


Sun May-15-05 05:01 PM by northstar
All best of wishes being sent your way!

Do you have a link to what you're referring to so that I may play "catch-up"?

TIA

on edit: Where are you right now? (if you don't mind me asking....)



Both written by Northstar, who has just now been tombstoned.


1,257 posted on 05/15/2005 3:16:25 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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To: Nataku X

When I was in jump school, the black hats (Airborne School Instructors)walked around in their black t-shirts and black headgear. They were were lean, muscled and the epitome of "flying above it all" cool. Nothing ever phased them. Ice water in their fucking veins as they viewed the world before them with contempt and disdain with their cold steely gaze.

Then one time when a gust of wind blew one of the chutes off of the jump towers into the structures and the trainee got hung up. For a brief momment, the black hats dropped thier cold, unflappable facade and ran around for a few seconds in an "Oh fuck!" Chinese fired drill! Then it was gone! They were once again, the steely, calm men we were accustomed to seeing.

I am sure that such a moment ran through the infrastructure of DU when the BBV email first popped up!


1,258 posted on 05/15/2005 3:16:38 PM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: MichiganConservative

hehehe You are right


1,259 posted on 05/15/2005 3:17:04 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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To: Repub4bush
You guys know me I've been posting here since last November. This is legit, Andy really is ill and these are real charges.

Oh my misswaverly - hilarious. this is real! this is legit! YOU know me!!! (since last November)
1,260 posted on 05/15/2005 3:17:23 PM PDT by commonguymd (My impatience is far more advanced than any known technology.)
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