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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: I_like_good_things_too

I saw a radiology report, but never a pathology report, which are two totally different things, was the path report saved anywhere? A path report would tell us if he had cancer or not, and all of these threads would be meaningless.


1,221 posted on 05/15/2005 2:56:39 PM PDT by codercpc
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To: All

"sfexpat2000 (1000+ posts) Sun May-15-05 05:47 PM
Response to Reply #9

29. You should be addressing this question to Skinner, not disrupting
this board."


1,222 posted on 05/15/2005 2:56:51 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: codercpc

Okay, you're right, it was the radiology report.


1,223 posted on 05/15/2005 2:57:28 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: I_like_good_things_too

When did he post the path report? All I have seen is the "miracle instant CT scan" transcript from the 11th. Please direct me to that pathology report.


1,224 posted on 05/15/2005 2:58:06 PM PDT by rikkir (The Dems see their demise, and his name is Delay!!)
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To: Nataku X

I know how you feel, but you'll be okay. You didn't do anything wrong, that's the main point. The only thing you did "wrong" was violate DU's non-troll policy...extremely small potatoes.


1,225 posted on 05/15/2005 2:58:13 PM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: txradioguy

Would that be the same Skinner who didn't think it was necessary to see Andy's medical reports, or the Skinner on CU who is telling the truth? LOL


1,226 posted on 05/15/2005 2:58:23 PM PDT by codercpc
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To: franksolich

He's getting weak...

Joan_Alpern Donating member (674 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sun May-15-05 05:01 PM
Original message
I'd like a few moments of your time to talk about Andy Stephenson



I've had supper with Andy for the past two Saturday nights. There is no doubt in my own mind about the validity of Andy's health problems.

Last week I met Andy for the first time. He had spent the day teaching a workshop about one of his favorite topics the Voter Verified Paper Ballot. He was looking forward to putting his Whipple surgery behind him and continuing his work.

But I saw a different Andy Stephenson yesterday. Andy was the same goodhearted person but he had lost something in the one week that had passed. He was in pain and he was tired. The stress brought about by the continuing complications of the week seemed to have totally depleted his normally positive attitude. However ~ Andy wanted Termite to meet bettyellen so Andy, Termite, Stephanie and I boarded the Path Train for a trip to Hoboken. As we sat enjoying one another's company over supper it was apparent that Andy's strength was fading fast. His surgery has been rescheduled for later this month.

A positive attitude is essential to Andy's healing process. He needs Du's continuing emotional support until he is able to get back out there and return to the work and the people that he loves.

Please join me in wishing Andy the very best of luck.

Joani

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3661413


1,227 posted on 05/15/2005 2:58:31 PM PDT by Krodg
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To: All
I imagine the mods at DU are currently receiving this message from Skinner:

"THIS IS A SEVERE DU DISSENT WARNING!
ALL MODS ACTIVATE OP PLAN "BRAVO BRAVO VICTOR"!
DELETE! LOCK! BAN! IMMEDIATELY!
ALL STATIONS REPORT!"
1,228 posted on 05/15/2005 2:59:00 PM PDT by MisterRepublican
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To: KJC1

I -know- it's baseless but it'll still cost thousands of dollars to defend.


1,229 posted on 05/15/2005 2:59:01 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: I_like_good_things_too; All

And the coverup begins:

____________________________________________________________

Name removed (0 posts) Sun May-15-05 05:28 PM
Response to Original message
21. Deleted message



Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
____________________________________________________________


Hehehehehe....


1,230 posted on 05/15/2005 2:59:08 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: Nataku X
I would not worry about it.

They post enough lies over there, and would be in court until the end of time, if anything could be litigated.

You posted an email from someone with BBV, which up until Undie, the BBV people were their heroes!

Now who is going to go over and post the time line....LOL

1,231 posted on 05/15/2005 2:59:29 PM PDT by Repub4bush (Mark Levin the next supreme court justice! :))
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To: I_like_good_things_too

Thanks


1,232 posted on 05/15/2005 2:59:31 PM PDT by codercpc
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To: rikkir

I was wrong-- there was only the one report-- pathology/ ct scan/ radiology-- I wasn't thinking about the differences.


1,233 posted on 05/15/2005 2:59:51 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: I_like_good_things_too

Sorry, codercpc beat me to it.
Sure wish I could type faster.


1,234 posted on 05/15/2005 3:00:33 PM PDT by rikkir (The Dems see their demise, and his name is Delay!!)
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To: Nataku X
The doubt's been established, I hope. Brrrr... should've used some SSH account or something... that's the very last time I troll! God, I promise I'll be a good Internet user from now on! I'll only download unlicensed anime, even

Dude, you posted an email that was already up for public view on this board. There is nothing illegal or even unethical in what you did.

That is the par for the course for scammers, bluffing and harumphing in indignation!
1,235 posted on 05/15/2005 3:00:41 PM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: codercpc

Why yes...yes it sure would be the same...umm....*cough* person *cough*


1,236 posted on 05/15/2005 3:00:54 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: Nataku X

Undie has bigger fish to fry than you-- and he doesn't want people peeking at his information too closely, now does he? Try not to worry yourself.


1,237 posted on 05/15/2005 3:01:04 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: Repub4bush

Okay, okay! I'll stop fretting about it. :-)


1,238 posted on 05/15/2005 3:01:34 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: speed_addiction

Okay, okay... thank you for your reassurances everybody... I'll just eat, drink, be merry... and apply to tech monkey jobs in Iraq.


1,239 posted on 05/15/2005 3:02:21 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: lutz
Heh, I wish someone could change that 2nd picture's caption to 'Online Fraudster'!


1,240 posted on 05/15/2005 3:04:11 PM PDT by NonLinear ("If not instantaneous, then extraordinarily fast" - Galileo re. speed of light. circa 1600)
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