Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,061-1,0801,081-1,1001,101-1,120 ... 2,061-2,074 next last
To: Choose Ye This Day

My sister has a three-year-old daughter and year-old twin girls. Talk about a houseful!


1,081 posted on 05/15/2005 11:46:30 AM PDT by Xenalyte (End women's suffrage! Hasn't the country suffered enough?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 436 | View Replies]

To: All

Hello everyone,
I know I am new to FR but I am a really nice guy and I need help. You see, I have an addiction to gambling. Although I live only hours from Atlantic City, Las Vegas has the best gambling in the world. Please send money to the Bellagio Hotel. Black chips woulb be best, green chips OK. Thanks again, you guys are the best.


1,082 posted on 05/15/2005 11:46:44 AM PDT by gate2wire (We Honor Those Who Serve)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1079 | View Replies]

To: flitton

I don't have time to copy and paste theis, so...here's a link for you to look at... http://blog.pdamerica.org/?p=23#comments


1,083 posted on 05/15/2005 11:46:56 AM PDT by Misty Memory (Why is it that most of the Wild Turkey's on FR look more like vultures?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1075 | View Replies]

To: lutz

"donate what you were going to give Undie to one of the REAL charities that do philanthropic work for Johns Hopkins."

I think that would be a good thing for all of us to do.


1,084 posted on 05/15/2005 11:47:11 AM PDT by imskylark
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 927 | View Replies]

To: Amityschild; franksolich; PJ-Comix; KJC1; speed_addiction; lutz
this is the second edition of the MOADUFU's (Mother of All DU FU's).

We'll call this one the "greatauntofalldufus" (GAOADUFU).

1,085 posted on 05/15/2005 11:47:48 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Undie the Fundee.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1033 | View Replies]

To: Krodg

bump


1,086 posted on 05/15/2005 11:54:18 AM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1067 | View Replies]

To: gate2wire

Hello,
I am Inga, Gate's girlfr...um, nurse. He is so sick he made a terrible mistake. Red chips are fine too.
Thanks so much.


1,087 posted on 05/15/2005 11:54:22 AM PDT by gate2wire (We Honor Those Who Serve)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1082 | View Replies]

To: hipaatwo

bump


1,088 posted on 05/15/2005 11:57:12 AM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1062 | View Replies]

To: Barset

Thank you :)


1,089 posted on 05/15/2005 11:58:09 AM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1080 | View Replies]

To: Misty Memory

saved it. I will update and post later. Thanks.


1,090 posted on 05/15/2005 11:58:35 AM PDT by flitton
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1083 | View Replies]

To: KJC1

bump


1,091 posted on 05/15/2005 11:59:36 AM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1065 | View Replies]

To: hipaatwo

bump


1,092 posted on 05/15/2005 12:00:31 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1066 | View Replies]

To: Misty Memory

here ya go.


We did it. We raised the money for Andy.
May 2nd, 2005

Just got the word this afternoon. The fundraising done here at PDA, and especially over on DemocraticUnderground.com, hit the $25,000 mark today.

Thank you so much for your help.

In a couple of weeks, Johns Hopkins is going to come lopoking for the other $25,000 and we will have to do this all over again. But for now, happy Monday. This is great news.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 2nd, 2005 at 11:54 am and is filed under Activism.

4 Responses to “We did it. We raised the money for Andy.”

1. Andy Stephenson says:
May 2nd, 2005 at 3:16 pm

Will, PDA, Fellow Democrats,

I want to take just a moment to thank you all for the heroic effort you are mounting for me. I really had no idea how many people I had touched through my work. Today my mailbox was overflowing with cards and letters from people all across America wishing me well and expressing their own insurance horror stories. From many of them, came the same story, they have no health insurance. These are people who are working in jobs that don’t offer insurance and the unemployed. I am lucky to have many good friends who put the call out for me. But how many other “Andy’s” are there out there? How Many Republicans as well as Democrats go without Health Care because they cannot afford it?

We pay for the healthcare of our elected officials. They have the best healthcare our nation has to offer. Is any American not worth the same level of care they recieve? What makes them different? Why would any American settle for less than the same level of care, their leaders have? To those who would say that “if we went to a single payer system health care would be rationed”, I say this…it is rationed now! When your child is sick or you find yourself with a major illness you should not have to choose food over a medical visit. No one should be denied medical care based on the ability to pay.

My sincerest hope is that my own personal story will help to shine the light on the plight of many many Americans. It is high time we make sure that everyone in this country has access to medical care regardless of their ability to pay.

Thanks Will for turning on the flashlight.

Andy Stephenson


1,093 posted on 05/15/2005 12:00:50 PM PDT by hipaatwo (When you're in trouble you want all your friends around you...preferably armed!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1083 | View Replies]

To: KJC1

bump


1,094 posted on 05/15/2005 12:01:40 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1068 | View Replies]

To: flitton

more gold. thanks.


1,095 posted on 05/15/2005 12:02:41 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1075 | View Replies]

To: commonguymd; Libertarian4Bush

Alright, so it was the 11th...

I've followed this issue, withholding judgment... On one hand, it'd be extraordinarily difficult to do a straight scam and still have the clear conscience to post on the same message board you just scammed. There are no smoking guns that definitely conclude this is a scam, even now.

OTOH, a lot of strange details don't add up. How does he write a hot check when he already got a cashier's check? The scanned certified check is pretty iffy too. The preliminary report is genuine, although it does not have the right wording for a guy who was diagnosed with cancer months before May 11th (pinging Libertarian4Bush for confirmation).

My take is the same as another Freeper's... He was never officially diagnosed with cancer. He heard "mass" and instantly assumed "cancer". He went to JH, thinking he desperately needed the surgery. The May 11th report is indeed a preliminary one by JH. They told him if it was really serious they'd schedule surgery, but apparently the report didn't warrant the need for immediate surgery, and his conspiracy-DUmmie mind twisted this into "we don't operate on people that have no insurance so we'll just lie to you and say you don't need surgery."

So, yeah, he thinks he's telling the truth. Is it really that surprising? Every moonbat believes with all his heart that Kerry won Ohio & tied in Virginia and South Carolina. Just my 2 cents.


1,096 posted on 05/15/2005 12:03:48 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1049 | View Replies]

To: codercpc
You are absolutely correct. And we must remember how large a facility JH is. It would take a considerably longer time, even in a smaller hospital. I have questioned this from the time ScAmdy posted that so called report.
1,097 posted on 05/15/2005 12:06:57 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1011 | View Replies]

To: gate2wire
Inga and Gate,

I'm sorry I can't help with chips just now because the evil BFEE has caused me great financial distress. However I'm sending my love and virtual hugs. Hope that helps.

1,098 posted on 05/15/2005 12:14:49 PM PDT by NEPA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1087 | View Replies]

To: codercpc
"Unless JH is different than almost every facility I have worked for (I work for a firm that contracts out to numerous hospitals and facilities), this dictation and report was done WAY to quickly"

Also don't forget this little tid bit.
Undie was "scheduled for SURGERY" on the 10th. Some how the checks got lost, and on the 11th he shows up, finds the checks in a mail room, buys a puppy and then has this test done at JH. How do you pop in to a hospital like JH, and get a CT scan the day after you are scheduled for surgery.
In one of Undie's posts he actually says, per the CT scan on the 11th, "I don't know why they did it, or what it was for".
So he is saying the test was done on the 11th. If I was scheduled for pancreatic cancer surgery on the 10th and I was in the city of the surgery on the 4th or the 7th. I sure would be wondering why they hadn't done any tests until the day after the surgery was scheduled, and I think I would have an idea of what the test was for.
Also amazing is the fact that JH moved Undie into the CT schedule the very same day he found those missing checks. The heck with the rest of the patients at JH, Undie shows up, gets a CT scan, and had a transcribed report in his hands 2 days later.
I wish I could get results like this.
1,099 posted on 05/15/2005 12:18:37 PM PDT by rikkir (The Dems see their demise, and his name is Delay!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1011 | View Replies]

To: hipaatwo

"After this, (Teach-In,Fighting for Election Justice and Integrity, Columbus, Ohio, Saturday May 7, 2005, 8:30-5:30) come meet Andy Stephenson at 7:00 P.M."

"He is fighting for election reform and will be teaching us how to do audits."

I wonder if he used the same auditing techniques employed by Scott Jarvis, Director of the Department of Financial institutions in Washington state who is charged with insuring the integrity of financial institutions in the state including credit unions, where, it has been implied on this thread, managers might "conceivably" decide to wing it when interpreting state and federal regulations.

Great catch, hipa.


1,100 posted on 05/15/2005 12:18:45 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1073 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,061-1,0801,081-1,1001,101-1,120 ... 2,061-2,074 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson