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DUmmie FUnnies 01-21-05 ("Captain Pike was an idiot")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | January 21, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 01/21/2005 6:01:58 PM PST by PJ-Comix

One great way to get your post count up to the magic 1000 in DUmmieland is to go into the DUmmie Lounge and post in one of the many non-political discussions. It is much easier to get your post count up this way than to join one of the political discussions since you are much less likely to “out” yourself. As an example, let us join in this DUmmie Star Trek THREAD titled, “Captain Pike was an idiot.” So let us Beam Down to DUmmieland to observe this Star Trek episode. Of course, any crew member joining us in this adventure named Ensign Smith is sure to DIE so you might as well start building his casket now. The Klingon DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, with his Phaser set on Stun, is in the [brackets]:

Captain Pike was an idiot. Here he is, on a planet with a woman who is HOT HOT HOT!, and is hot in many different forms, and yet he insists on getting back to the Enterprise. And yeah, Vina, in real life, is a horribly deformed yucko; but the Talosians can make her into anything! And what they make her into is HOT HOT HOT!

[God Bless those Talosians. I only wish they could have worked their magic on a few blind dates I had in the past. One in particular looked just like Nikita Khruschev in drag with a horrible garlic stench on her breath. The Talosians could have made her look like the young version of Sophia Loren but could they also have gotten rid of that horrible breath?]

Hubby and I have discussed this as well. Odd that I agree w/ you, yet he would not

[Maybe your hubby was thinking of calling up the Talosians to give YOU a major makeover.]

I totally agree.....Why go back to the Enterprise, when you can be with that hottie. Plus the fact that the Talosians can make her look hot forever. I would have said, " F**K the Enterprise, I'm staying here!"

[An interesting thing about those Talosians is that they seemed like big headed gay aliens. Perhaps the Talosians were the forerunners to the “Queer Eye” series. Nothing against the Talosians, of course, but I would prefer NOT to enter any Talosian bars. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Talosian.]

You're still right, though - if he'd stayed when he had the chance, he wouldn't have had that accident, and wouldn't have had to go back to the planet. he could have stayed with the hottie, never knowing what she really looked like, and lived a life of sexual bliss and harmony.

[That was a two-part episode, The Menagerie. One of my faves. However, I got a bigger kick out of the episode where Spock had to have sex once every seven years or he would go crazy.]

Of course he was an idiot. That's why they replaced him with the best ST captain ever: James T. Kirk!

[I don’t know about acting but I will admit that Kirk can sing Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds better.]

Yeah, I'm glad they knocked him off and put in Kirk. Kirk was way better! Though I wish Majel could have stayed in her role - she was a hottie, and should have gotten more time on screen in that awesome outfit. She wasn't so interesting as Nurse Chapel.

[At least Gene Roddenberry got to shtoop Nurse Chapel on a regular basis.]

Only when Vina regained consciousness... that's when their fun began! It's a great story all the same...And to think, it's Spock (and not Kirk) who had the idea of getting Pike back to Talos 4 so he could get jiggy with Vina...

[Although Spock only had sex once every seven years, he was also an extreme voyeur. Think Spock wasn’t watching the Pike/Vina action on his viewfinder? Which reminds me, with all that advanced Star Trek technology, how come no X-Rated DVDs on board?]

Jeffrey Hunter was a *terrible* actor...I watched "Menagerie" in recent years, and was struck by just how unutterably awful he was. Shatner looks like a genius in comparison.

[You don’t like Jeffrey Hunter as a Star Trek captain? Fine. But he was THE definitive Jesus and didn’t play the part with an accent like that heathen furriner, Max Von Sydow.]

Did you ever see Hunter play Jesus! I can't even remember the name of the movie -- I couldn't take it.

[Either King of Kings or The Greatest Story Ever Told. I get them confused. And I have accepted Jeffrey Hunter in my heart as the ONE TRUE HOLLYWOOD Jesus.]

Picard wasn't any better. See, only Kirk is da' man here!

[True. I just couldn’t accept Chrome Dome Picard as a Star Trek captain. However, he did portray a great Lenin on Materpiece Theater’s Fall Of Eagles.]

He didn't want to be a captive and a guinea pig. It was only after he was imprisoned in his own body that he realized what he'd given up. Fortunately for him, he got a rare second chance for happiness.

[Yeah. I remember Pike was stuck inside of a metal box contraption. He looked like he was halfway into a coma and the only way he could communicate was with a light on the contraption. One blink meant “Yes,” and Two blinks meant “No.” Or was it the reverse? Or was that all communicated via red and green lights? I hate to say this but Ross Perot’s 1992 running mate reminded me an awful lot of Pike in the metal box.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dummies; spaceddummies; spacenerds; startrek; trekkies
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And you can Beam Up to the DUmmie FUnnies simply by asking to be placed on the PING List.
1 posted on 01/21/2005 6:01:59 PM PST by PJ-Comix
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To: Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; tje; ml1954; ...

PING!


2 posted on 01/21/2005 6:03:39 PM PST by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix

3rd...


3 posted on 01/21/2005 6:05:09 PM PST by dakine
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To: PJ-Comix

OOhh, boy.

The Captain has left the bridge.


4 posted on 01/21/2005 6:06:27 PM PST by RandallFlagg (Roll your own cigarettes! You'll save bucks and smoke less!(Magnetic bumper stickers-click my name)
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To: PJ-Comix

I salute you, sir; not the usual politics, but the usual craftsmanship and wit we have come to expect.


5 posted on 01/21/2005 6:06:28 PM PST by franksolich (always unflappably and unfailingly polite--I can't help being myself)
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To: PJ-Comix

Funny, I thought the DUmmies would've loved Prime Directive Picard.


6 posted on 01/21/2005 6:08:46 PM PST by Nataku X (You've heard, "Be more like Jesus." But have you ever heard, "Be more like Mohammad"?)
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To: grammymoon

Welcome aboard, PINGEE #573.


7 posted on 01/21/2005 6:09:19 PM PST by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix
Poor Vina....

Captain Pike was an idiot. Here he is, on a planet with a woman who is HOT HOT HOT!, and is hot in many different forms, and yet he insists on getting back to the Enterprise. And yeah, Vina, in real life, is a horribly deformed yucko; but the Talosians can make her into anything! And what they make her into is HOT HOT HOT!


8 posted on 01/21/2005 6:11:43 PM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: franksolich

I read a Star Trek autobiography by the actress who played the part of Uhura. She mentioned that William Shatner came to her to get info for his own Star Trek book and remembered how chummy the actors used to be. The Uhura actress contradicted Shatner and told Shatner that everyone HATED him.


9 posted on 01/21/2005 6:12:13 PM PST by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix
Very astute of you PJ.
The whole point of that episode was that humans crave freedom above all else,even a "hottie".In light of the Presidents speech yesterday how very appropriate.

No surprise the DUmmies think it is about sex.

10 posted on 01/21/2005 6:12:30 PM PST by carlr
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To: PJ-Comix
Jeffrey Hunter was in King of Kings.
11 posted on 01/21/2005 6:12:52 PM PST by Poohbah (God must love fools. He makes so many of them...)
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To: Dallas59

I remember there was one Star Trek actress (I think only on one or two episodes) who ended up as a HARD CORE porno actress.


12 posted on 01/21/2005 6:13:44 PM PST by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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Hey, DU'ers....




Suck it down, baby!
13 posted on 01/21/2005 6:15:26 PM PST by RandallFlagg (Roll your own cigarettes! You'll save bucks and smoke less!(Magnetic bumper stickers-click my name)
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To: carlr
Exactly. Pike wanted out no matter how benevolent his surroundings were. He wanted freedom. Poor Vina.
14 posted on 01/21/2005 6:15:30 PM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: PJ-Comix

Well....when you get down to Earth...


15 posted on 01/21/2005 6:16:08 PM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: PJ-Comix
I figured it out! It's the Talosians' fault!

You know those DUmmies who say Kerry is the real president? Wellll...... they don't know it, but they're caught in the middle of a fiendish Talosian virtual reality experiment!
16 posted on 01/21/2005 6:16:57 PM PST by Wampus SC
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To: PJ-Comix
I remember there was one Star Trek actress (I think only on one or two episodes) who ended up as a HARD CORE porno actress.

Angelique Pettyjohn. She did tours of Star Trek conventions and that question ALWAYS came up.

17 posted on 01/21/2005 6:17:13 PM PST by Poohbah (God must love fools. He makes so many of them...)
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To: PJ-Comix
Why go back to the Enterprise, when you can be with that hottie.

While I understand that this conversation was meant to be frivolous and funny it still is revealing. These guys have no concept of responsibility, duty, or honor. They would be more concerned with sexual bliss than the fact that Pike was the Captain of a warship.

But then what do you expect from a crowd of ancient hippies and their stoned out progeny.

18 posted on 01/21/2005 6:18:32 PM PST by An Old Marine (Freedom isn't Free)
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To: Wampus SC


Talosians......Democrats in disguise...
19 posted on 01/21/2005 6:18:41 PM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)
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To: Nataku X
"Funny, I thought the DUmmies would've loved Prime Directive Picard."

Nah... DUmmies like Wesley Crusher and Ensign Ro.
20 posted on 01/21/2005 6:19:25 PM PST by Wampus SC
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