DUmmie FUnnies 01-14-05 ("One Week from Today, It's Going to Hurt Real Bad....")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | January 14, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[San Jacinto]

How do I volunteer to man the Suicide Hotline next week?

I have a lot of good advice to give out--effective calibers, how to tie sturdy knots, judging wind direction and velocity from atop high buildings, etc.

Time for me to "give back" to the community.I'm available for the 12:15 PM to 8:15 PM shift on Inauguration Day.

[Cletus.D.Yokel]

"[Try Blue Emu.]"

I'm always wating for that ad to end with..."Made from fresh squeezed Emu's!"

Alas and alack.

[PJ-Comix]

HEY EVERYBODY!!! I just went over to my e-mail to check for any multi-million dollar deals being offered up by either literary agents or book publishers. Guess what? No contract BUT I did receive the following message from a DUmmie who seems to be auditioning a HOPI INDIAN PRAYER THREAD over in DUmmieland. Here is the message:

PJ COMIX, MORE HOPI AND MAYAN WISDOM...."THE TIME OF THE LONELY WOLF IS OVER" HA HA HA & A WARNING FROM THE MAYAN ELDERS TO PRAY ON B'ELEJEB KAME. HA H AH HEY DO YOU GUYS KNOW BILLY JACK?

Actually in my early days on the Web I was in contact with the SON of Billy Jack because I was very interested in getting a copy of "Billy Jack Goes To Washington." Interesting that this DUmmie mentions Billy Jack because I notice that most of the DUmmies sound just like the self-righteous chip-on-the-shoulder kids from the Billy Jack school who thought they knew it all while their school ignored certain topics like basic math in favor of improv theater. In any event, I will certainly audition that DUmmie thread for possible inclusion in the DUFUs.

[AxelPaulsenJr]

threadjack?

[angkor]

[That horrible, horrible place where the prisoners are tortured with air conditioning.]

Ha ha.

When the torture technique of "air conditioning, loud techno music, and flashing lights" was first reported, I thought they were talking about a Jakarta dance club.

[jveritas]

…but on Jan. 21 who will be the POTUS ?

[DAMN! You always come up with those tough questions. Let me do a week of research on the Web and maybe I can find the answer.]

This is very funny. LOL.

[NEPA]

I'm posting over there and had to quit a thread because I came under suspician. And I was not in any way disruptive or beligerant, I was just trying to be of voice of sanity even while agreeing with them on a couple points.

[HipShot]

"threadjack?"

Change the course of the thread, via subtle subject change, superficial relevance, or personal assault. Almost any bright and shiny object will do it.

[HipShot]

I read that post differently. I see it as a specific threat to the POTUS on inauguration day.

[PJ-Comix]

I'm always wating for that ad to end with..."Made from fresh squeezed Emu's!"

Don't knock it. I have found Emu Oil to the the BEST dry hair treatment out there. In fact I like it so much that (and I'm NOT joking) I bought a 5 gallon drum of the stuff on eBay and then bottled it with my own lable, "PJ's Dry Hair Treatment," and placed enough of those bottles in my freezer to last for about a dozen years. Also, emu oil is FANTASIC for burns. Once, while under the influence of a hot latina chick, I accidentally filled a jacuzzi full of boiling hot water. I stuck my foot in there and immediately got a painful burn turning my foot lobster red. Just before hitting the sack, I covered my foot with emu oil. Next morning when I woke up both the pain and the lobster red color were gone. It was like my foot never got burned at all. BTW, a lot of the burn centers used emu oil for treatment of the patients.

[jveritas]

These morons cannot find their way out of paper bag, just relax.

[AxelPaulsenJr]

So they would catch it if you said, "I voted for John Kerry, but........I still don't think that Bush stole Ohio"?

[OSHA]

As a frequent visitor to Sheboygan from the south I would like to say forget the Sheboygan hard rolls and learn how to make some biscuits to go with breakfast! (We got tOWst)

There are many things I like about Sheboygan but the food ain't one of 'em! :^)

[jveritas]

I have been tomb stoned six times since I start posting thread at Dummieland right after November 2nd.

[NEPA]

So they would catch it if you said, "I voted for John Kerry, but........I still don't think that Bush stole Ohio"?

Exactly, they wouldn't tombstone you right away but at least a couple would accuse you of being a troll, especially if you go back and forth with somebody. A hit and run post would be safer.

[AxelPaulsenJr]

LOL, it wouldn't take me long to slip and call Kerry, Hanoi John. That I suspect would send me to tombstone land.

[NRA1995]

"the smirking face of a flesh-eating virus...."

I thought Kerry was in France talking to Chirac?

[NRA1995]

"You can eother obey his dictat or go to jail. Once shrub is sworn in, we will be forced to obey his wishes, and if we don't the full force of the law enforcement will be staring in our face. It is indeed a SAD DAY, Jan 20th."

You will obey me while I lead you,
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Till the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help, no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold....

[NEPA]

I wanted to register at DU for a long time but didn't think I could possibly last very long but I finally went ahead and did it. Now my goal is to make it to 1000 posts before getting banned. But it isn't easy! Even sanity will get you tombstoned in DUmmyland.

DUmmies are like a cult where independent thinking is not tolerated. And when you think about it they are part of a powerful political entity which is a little scary. Heaven forbid democrats regain control of DC. They are dangerous enough even as a minority party what with filibustering reasonable judges and legislation and all. Hopefully some of the more reasonable dems will get control of the party. They'll lose their base (DUmmy types) but that's OK.

[doug from upland]

Nitwits. It is not "real" bad. It is "really" bad. Come on, underground of RATS, learn to use adverbs.