Posted on 12/27/2004 8:42:48 AM PST by Houmatt
I am not sure I know where to begin.
On Friday, December 17, I was arrested and charged with a Class B Misdemeanor, the first time I have been arrested and charged with anything.
Over the next seven days and six nights that I spent in the custody of the authorities awaiting bail, I found my wife of six years, the woman I had given my life and love to, had decided she had had enough of me, saying I had hurt her emotionally and she could trust, rely on or understand me. She intends to file for divorce next month.
I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while. It is not easy when the woman you love and are married to lives 200 miles away across the border in Canada. She would come over once a month and stay a weekend, but there was a five month period this year when she had been out of work due to an infection in her right leg. As I am sure you can understand, separation does not always make the heart grow fonder.
What I do know is I love her very, very much. She was my best friend, my lifeline, my reason for being. She helped fill the void in my life. I could apologize ten thousand times and tell her that, yes, I was not the husband she expected me to be. I know I failed her, and I not about to stand in her way when it comes to divorcing me, even if I am of the ilk those vows I took over six years ago were supposed to mean something. She needs a release, to not have to worry about getting me up to Canada or if I have money or food anymore. She needs that break.
I just would like it if we could at least be speaking terms, waving hi to each other on the phone or the net, trading e-mails and cards and so forth.
The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail.
I have been praying ever since then for two simple things:
1) Terri (my wife) can receive the solace she is searching for and want to at least talk to me again.
2) That I get probation.
For those that are wondering: I have done enough stupid things. That is one stupid thing I will never do.
As much as I hate to admit it, yes, men do cry. I am right now. I am sorry.
ping
Same here, but husband, he told me just before Xmas, how do we give 20 years EV and get what?!
You have to respect her wishes, in any marriage it takes both, good and bad responsibility shared. If she wants a clean break, you must respect that
My firend and her busband worked day/night shifts so one parent would always be with their 5 children. One night , NYE, when she was at work, her house burned down. All five of her children died and a week later her husband.
"Whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."
BTTT!
Let Go-Let God
also show genuine remorse
Thanky ou for your post BB!
~Hugs for my friend, from one who also led a wild life 2 decades ago
Prayers to you buddy.
It may not seem like to much to be on speaking terms with your wife right now, but this is probably a difficult time for her and a difficult decision for her to make and face up to.
You might want to back off and give her some room and a few months to reconcile with the passing events. Like others have suggested, you should take advantage of the time to reconcile your life with yourself as well. Seek solace in your independance and pray for strength from God to get you through each day, and to heal you, and make you a better person when afer everything is said and done.
Can you move back home?
Matt?
I must ask if she treated you so coldly, 'why' would you continue to want communication with her?
I will keep mine civil only due to our children
Cut it out man.... let your wife go.... for now.... God always answers our prayers, just not always in the manner in which we expect.
Open you heart and look towards the future and what is to come.
Thanks - it's like I was a different person. A sleepwalker, or madman.
I'm just starting to wake up. The memories are like bad dreams, but ones that bring tears to my eyes of remorse for the hurts I caused.
Without God's mercy, I'd be a ghost of a human, if alive.
But there is always, always hope - if we ask for it.
Happy New Year!
I loved Terri with an unconditional love, one that just got deeper over the seven years we were together. And she decided to turn away from me at a time when I needed her the most.
Do you want to tell me how I could just let her go?
Sorry man, it's not supposed to sound easy. It never is... But you have to be strong for her, you have to put her ahead of you at a time like this. You need to understand that there is a reason why she isn't wanting to agree to an amicable relationship right now and that is because this is tough for her to and she is perhaps reconciling in her own womanly way. (No I don't know what that means, nor do I understand them, but I do know that it's best to give them space at times like this.)
You know that stupid old say. "If you love them let them go and if they comeback it was meant to be and if they don't well...."
I repeat, it is NOT easy. It is neccesary, for you, for her, for peace of mind and for any hope of you two to ever have a decent relationship sometime in the future you need to give her space for now.
Like I and so many others have said take this time to fix, work on and build your future. Stop dwelling in the past. PRAY my friend, PRAY and I and others will be praying for you as well.
You aren't going to solve your problems chatting with anonymous people on an internet message site about what is the problem.
Love stinks. Find a good local pastor and seek friends in your community for support.
Yeah, I was thinking about something along the lines of a month to allow her to get her head together and all that. I do not expect things to come or happen overnight. That's not the way it works.
Coming here and talking about it sure heats the bell out of wasting away in a bar somewhere.
I was thinking 6 months to a year would be a good cool off time. I know you probably don't want to hear that, but that seems to be the average cooling period. Although this period does vary by women, and when you do speak to her again keep it non-chalant dont' going into the past and ask questions about "what-went-wrong". Not yet.
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