Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed

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[Michael121]

Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed

SCHIZOPHRENIA Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and.....

PARANOID Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why.

DEPRESSION Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ........ ....(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

[Lazamataz]

"Weenie's posting on an open ire . . ."

LOL!!! Too funny, Chuck!

[Lazamataz]

I *LOVE* that song, Porterville!!

[Porterville]

It's damn good.

[weegee]

Christmas In Jail - The Youngsters (1956)

Christmas in jail,
Christmas in jail,
Had a little too much to drink...

[RichInOC]

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT The Little Drummer Boy
COCAINE ADDICTION White Christmas
ALCOHOL ADDICTION Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

[martin_fierro]

OUCH!

Spank!

< |:)~

[SlightOfTongue]

JOHN KERRY'S DISEASE: "O Tanning Balm"

Too friggin' funny!!!

[Charles Henrickson]

HILLARY CLINTON CLOTHING COMPULSION:

CRUSTY THE PANTSUIT
(To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Crusty the pantsuit
Was like clothes that you'd discard,
With a sweat-stained top
And a stretched-out butt
And two legs that smelled like lard.

Crusty the pantsuit
Was pulled out most ev'ry day.
As she put it on,
Hilly sang this song:
"Black is slimming, so they say."

She must have bought the pantsuit from
A wizard or an elf,
For when she took it off at night,
It stood up all by itself!
Oh . . .

Crusty the pantsuit
Was a fashion felony,
But the Freepers say,
"We can laugh and play
With these threads on Hillary."

Frumpety frump frump,
Frumpety frump frump,
Look at Crusty glow.

Rumpety rump rump,
Rumpety rump rump,
Over the Hill we go!

Charlie Henrickson

[smoothsailing]

You better watch out

You better not shout

You better not pout

Im telling you why

Osama is coming to town

He knows he is not welcome here

He knows his day is done

He knows that lefties love him

But a righty owns a gun

So, you better watch out

You better not shout

Just blow his ass away.

[Lijahsbubbe]

Announcer: It's that time of year, when families get together to reopen old feelings. And Silver Bell Records is proud to present a Dysfunctional Family Christmas. This is the album your family is sure to cherish for Christmases to come.

"Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)"

"Christmastime, you force a smile
Everyone is joining in the group denial
Folks behaving infantile
Family Christmastime."

Announcer: Hit after dysfunctional hit. Songs like "The Almost Perfect Christmas":

Female Chorus: "Dinner is perfect, the presents are perfect The tree and the parlors are perfect fun."

Male Chorus: "Then your brother, yells at your mother."

Altogether: "Christmas is ruined for everyone."

Announcer: Get timeless hits like "Someday I'll Get Christmas Right"
"I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays"
"Peace On Earth? Where?"
and "The Daughter Song":

Female Chorus: "Presents and wrapping paper
Ribbons and bows and all that stuff.
Why do we even bother?
Nothing we get you is good enough!"

Announcer: And this country Christmas classic:

"Ballad of the Co-Dependent"

Dad: "Every Christmas when you got drunk
I told the children you were not drunk.
And I said, "Tommy, you're not being bad,
It's just Christmas makes your Mommy mad."

Announcer: You'll get "Cant' You Let It Drop, It's Christmas"
"What I Want You Can't Buy Me"
"Fruitcake And Shame", and
"Why Am I The Only One Who Knows What Christmas Really Means?"
And many more.

"Why Am I Here? (The 'Pretty' Song)"

Mom: "Underneath the mistletoe
Is a 2x2 jingle bell world.
And underneath all those extra pounds
is a very pretty girl."

"Runny Funny Daddy"

Kids: "Daddy's nose is red and runny
Daddy's voice is rough and funny.
Anmd the only words I can understand
are 'God' and 'Damn' and 'Christmas'".

Announcer: Just imagine - 24 timeless standards, including the classic "Carol Of Intimacy":

Son: "Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!
"Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!
"Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!"

[Petronski]

Do you honestly think that conservative people have no contact with family and friends that know mental illness...

I do. I think the post is great.

I have to laugh...what else can I do?

[Petronski]

You are on a roll, dude.


Ave Mania? LOL!

[Lijahsbubbe]

'Seasons Greetings', Dean Martin. I have that CD. It's great!

'Winter Romance' is very nice.

[Petronski]

PYROMANIA Come Bring A Torch, Jeannette, Isabella

Esoteric and perfect!

[Petronski]

OK, find a Christmas song that fits that condition...

Easy:

ALCOHOLISM: The Twelve Steps of Christmas

[weenie]

Great horror (and great genius) in my family...I thought that evolved minds would not laugh at what others might (by mere happenstance) have endured.

I did not before see your shallowness...I ask you, is that what I see?

[Petronski]

On the first step of Christmas, my sponsor said to me,
You're powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable.

On the second step of Christmas, my sponsor said to me,
You must come to believe in a power greater than you that can restore your sanity, because you're powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable.

On the third step of Christmas, my sponsor said to me...

[Petronski]

I did not before see your shallowness...I ask you, is that what I see?

I am laughing at what I have endured, and sharing a laugh with others about what they have endured.

I have NO IDEA what you are doing.

[macclim8ed]

And, in the absence of capturing Osama, while TSA continues to molest Americans at the airports this holiday season, I contribute the Woman Traveler's Carol (to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas") -- the scansion isn't perfected yet, but here goes:

THE WOMAN TRAVELER'S CAROL

You'll be groped for Christmas,
If you choose to fly.
Friendly skies are friendlier
If you're not a guy.

You'll be groped for Christmas,
Just you wait and see.
TSA found T&A
Underneath their tree.

If you scream in protest,
You will miss your flight.
You'll be groped for Christmas,
Or jailed for Christmas night.

(As that radical Ben Franklin said, "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.")

[Clemenza]

You forgot pyromaniacs:

Deck the halls with Gasoline, falalalalalalalalal

Light a match and watch it glean, falalalalalalalala

See the School go down in ashes, falalalalalalalala

Aren't you glad you played with matches? falalalalalalaLA!