Internal Memo to Fellow Viking Kittens (vanity)

Alright, fellow VKers, I have a small bone to pick with some of you. Not necessarily you, the one reading this post (I mean, I'd never criticize you personally... you know that...), but rather some of the other Kitties reading this post.

I think that a few of us are getting a little overzealous in the pursuit of trolls. It's good to be a little zealous, of course. After all, it strikes fear in the hearts of those who would infiltrate us and wreak havoc on all the other poor, unsuspecting FReepers we have vowed to defend. Unfortunately, some among us (again, not you personally... you'd never be overzealous...you and I both know this!) have had the tendency to lob the label of "troll" at anyone who posts an article or comment that seems a bit outlandish. I especially have a problem with this when it is done to established FReepers who have been around for a while.

My concern isn't for the person getting targetted, of course. This forum is made up of big boys and girls who can tolerate a little name calling. My concern, rather, is for the reputation of the forum itself, not to mention for the reputations of those who are making the charges. After all, it doesn't reflect well on someone who is calling for the zotting of a member who has been with FR since 1998!

The power of the Zot is a mighty weapon. It strikes sheer horror into the hearts of trolls everywhere (well... it gives us a few laughs at the expense of some hapless sap...but still). It should be used with fear and trepidation. With that in mind, we ought to keep several guidelines in mind as we go out to hunt those who wish to besmirch our glorious forum:

1.Check the dates at which people joined. People who signed up in '98 or '99 most likely aren't trolls. You might want to hesitate on attempting to zot someone who signed up in 2000 as well. Trolls are not patient beings. They don't tend to lurk for that long. I suppose it is possible they could be a troll, but not it's not very likely.
2.Check posting histories, please. Trolls don't tend to post passionate defenses of conservativism. In fact, this is actually a way of catching trolls as well. Trolls are over the top in their conservatism - because they do not understand conservatism itself, only a caricature. Read what the person has said in the past before lobbing out charges of trollery.
3.Not every newbie posting an article is a troll. Granted, it's quite possible that they are, but it's also possible that they are simply clueless as to the mistake they're making. (As a sidenote, I really do wish that there were a disclaimer warning newbies not to post articles... it really would save a lot of effort...)
4.Don't forget to sacrifice the troll heads to the Mods. I can't emphasize this enough. They get angry when they don't get their sacrifices.

I'm gonna name one under the radar troll right out in the open here:

http://www.freerepublic.com/~chebkhaledfan1/

How do I know he's a troll?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A11IFN5RV71OYV/103-7481098-0706235

Note especially his last two reviews. In his review for o'reilly's book, he writes:

A veteran myself, I did not appreciate Mr. O'Reilly's jab in one of the sections on defense that, quote, "anyone who has been in the military and fought in a war is a Republican. A veteran who proclaims to be a Democrat should not have come back alive." Very arrogant and insensitive from someone who purports to support the military.

Yet in his review for John Stosell's book he writes,

A veteran myself, I did not appreciate Ms. Stossel's final jab in the last section on defense that, quote, "anyone who has been in the military and fought in a war is a Republican. A veteran who proclaims to be a Democrat maybe should not have come back alive." Very arrogant and insensitive from someone who purports to support the military.

You see the similarities? What you dont see is that he cut and pasted that same paragraph for about a dozen other conservative books. The only change that person made was to whom he attributed that phony quote to. In his review he attributed it to Coulter, on Sean Hannity's book he attributed it to Hannity, on Rush Limbaugh's book he attributed it to Limbaugh, etc. Amazon deleted all of thsoe reviews, save for the two that are still listed.

And how do I know that this Zsa Zsa Gabinx person is chebkhaledfan1?

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-glance/-/A11IFN5RV71OYV/ref=cm_aya_bc_aya/103-7481098-0706235

**** Warning: you may not be a swine or a vulgar little maggot, this is just for those who are...:)***

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour p!ss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.

May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything.

Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.