Posted on 11/08/2004 5:12:25 PM PST by NaughtiusMaximus
As disappointed Demos in San Francisco, Seattle and other liberal enclaves prepare to flee America in large numbers, Canadian immigration websites report record hits. As a public service to liberal lurkers on Free Republic, this post presents some observations and advice from reliable blogosphere and MSM sources.
First, don’t let your friends or coworkers discourage you, Canadian immigration is a great idea! They lied to you when they told you that Kerry was going to win, right? You got a bumpersticker and drove around with it for months, you listened to boring speeches you couldn’t understand, you may even have gone and voted because they told you it was important, but they lied, didn’t they? Kerry went and lost! Now the redstate rednecks and Christian snake handlers are getting ready to turn your carefree hippie lifestyle into a living hell. Your name is on a list somewhere and they’re coming for you! Bush and Cheney are building special reeducation camps in Kansas and Alabama which will turn you into a BBQ chewing, pickup driving, beer swilling redneck or a bouffant wearing, Walmart shopping, home educating, babyfactory. After your release, you’ll be bait for the new draft. It’s clearly time to get out. You have to think for yourself.
Canada is a great country. Don’t be fooled by propoganda, the winters are mild and short. They wouldn’t schedule all those winter carnivals and festivals in January and February if it were nasty outside now, would they? And Canadians are so friendly. When they see your Volvo with the Kerry stickers turn into their street, they’ll probably just run outside to help you unload. Despite what you might be told about Canadians living on beer, backbacon and jelly doughnuts, there’s a chic, inexpensive vegetarian restaurant on almost every street corner. And latte? They practically give it away.
If you care to work instead of relying on the great Canadian welfare programs, job opportunities abound. There is a crying need for mimes, street artists, interpretive dancers and lesbian poets. Herbal healers and wholistic philosophers, step to the head of the line please. If you have a liberal arts degree from a really progressive university, you’ll command the big bucks. Canadian culture is desperate for your unique contribution. And don’t worry about that homosexual lover with AIDS, the Canadian health care system stands ready to provide all the expensive medications. At the border, hospitable and friendly Canadian immigration authorities will welcome you. Later on you’ll be sent a special ID card which will entitle you to loads of Free Stuff from the Canadian government. There’s a slight chance you may not receive one of these quickly. Pester every government office near you. They enjoy your company and that’s probably the real reason for the delay. Be persistent. Insist on your rights. Whine. You need to convince them you’re serious about collecting the Free Stuff. It’s kind of a citizenship test but don’t let on I told you.
Canada’s full of Indigenous People’s Reserves where Native Americans (Canadian style) live close to nature. They’re constantly on the lookout for really sensitive and spiritual outsiders so they can teach them their folkways and mystical ceremonies. They’ll probably make you a shaman or a chief.
Convinced? That’s good. Your belief in the Kerry campaign was courageous but misplaced. You proved it by holding out for months and months in the face of all logic and reason. We admire you. Really! We do! That’s why we’re tipping you off about the golden opportunities in the paradise to the north. The choice is yours! GOOD LUCK AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.
Whatever will we do as a nation without trial lawyers, social workers, and social science professors? /sarcasm
Preddyfunnie.
I wonder if the people who pretend to be so willing to give up their citizenship and flee America realize how many Canadians would sell their souls to get a chance to swap places with them for a chance to live the American Dream. There are many reasons for this, mostly because of the financial opportunities here.
Why don't they threaten to go to some really cool place, like, cambodia, kampuchia, laos, north korea, iran, cuba, or somalia where their wealth and superior intellect will benefit their new homeland?
This makes me think of the Golgafrinchins in Douglas Adams' "Restraunt at the end of the Universe". If you read the five books of the "Trilogy", you'll get the picture. If not, I apologize for rambling.
LOL. I forgot to mention telephone sanitizers.
What does gas, milk, and a cheap Internet connection cost? How much is rent, and what kinds of jobs can they get (IF they are one of the lucky ones Canada will take)?
Does Canada have any homeless or poor people who need a bleeding heart to take up their cause? What about lesbians and gays-can they be married, adopt children, and so on?
Social issues and activism are important to the potential exigrants, also.
How many churches of Scientology are there? How does CN feel about Roseanne, Cher and Rosie?
etc.
Sarah Anderson supplies Socialists ten reasons not to move to Canada.
http://www.commondreams.org/views04/1103-28.htm
Thanks for the chuckle.
Good Grief!
I guess I'll have to deal with these challenges in a later post but I can assure you that they all come under the heading of FREE STUFF.
They don't want to move to any country where their parents hire servants from.
Free plane tickets on Air Canada!! Free gas vouchers, redeemable at the border!!
I remember the Restaurant but I'm having problems with the Golgafrinchins. Did you ever read a novel called "Strange Invasions?"
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