Healing Yet To Commence

IOWAHAWK ^ | Nov. 5, 2004 | David Burge

[FreeKeys]

Yipes! Looks like this whole America-healing thing has been a bit slower than earlier anticipated. We here at Iowahawk are all about keeping hope alive, so here's fresh batch of positives to keep our progressive friends warm during the upcoming Rovian ice age:

On an up note, Democratic efforts to increase voter turnout was a major success story in 2004. Progressives have shown that they know how to get first-timers and young people to the polling booth. Next time, you can work on the problem of making them vote for you.

Kerry's lack of success in the South was largely due to the fact that Southerners are uneducated and often 'slow.' Studies have found that special needs students often learn better through repetition, so it will be important to continually remind Southerners that they are violent inbred monkey-people.

The election has provided the progressive movement with a number of key learning points. For instance, it is clear that American voters are not swayed by condescending celebrities. In future campaigns, tell the celebrities to emphasize other important emotions, like anger and contempt.

[FreeKeys]

ROTFLMAO

[Chad Fairbanks]

With the elections completed, the New York Times points out that governing requires compromise, and therefore Bush must strike a concilliatory tone and reach across the aisle. When he does, remain very still, until the last moment, and then... BAM! That's when you can get him.

Bwaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha