Posted on 10/10/2004 5:24:47 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
The latest conspiracy theory incarnation among the DUmmies concerns a supposed bulge on Bush’s back that they believe was a secret transmitter feeding him answers into an invisible earpiece during the debate. This makes the first appearance of a bulge in presidential campaign politics since Al Gore stuffed a couple of socks into his pants to make himself appear as an Alpha male on a magazine cover in 2000. This current conspiracy is a continuation of the recent “Earpiecegate” to which an edition of the DUmmie FUnnies was dedicated. Since the DUmmies are unable to ditch this conspiracy theory, let us revisit them as they continue to obsess on the same topic. So put on your tinfoil hats, boys and girls, and take a walk back down DUmmie memory lane as they continue with their bulge/earpiece theories. As usual, the insane foam-at-the-mouth rantings of the DUmmies are in Bolshevik red while the incredibly erudite commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:
He was talking to Rove, I guess. Does this constitute cheating, by the agreed rules of the debate?
[YUP! And that explains why Bush beat Kerry in the last debate. Bush was just reciting word for word the instructions he was receiving in the earpiece from KARL ROVE. That KARL ROVE. The modern day Scarlet Pimpernel. He’s Here! He’s There! He’s EVERYWHERE!]
if you blow that up in Photoshop, you can see the trail of the cord running up to his right ear - and see the line at the base of his hair.
[And under an electron microscope you can see the electron streams that KARL ROVE was transmitting via his secret decoder ring.]
You can also see the cord running up his shoulder...He needs to be blasted on this. Lying, cheating BASTARD!!!!
[Don’t hold back. Tell us what you REALLY think.]
It looks like...a bulletproof vest to me. Battery packs for wireless mikes go at the beltline in the back, not in the middle of the back.
[What the hell is the matter with you. You’re RUINING a good conspiracy theory with a rare bit of DUmmie logic.]
May that bulge is just his folded up bat wings. Wonder how he hides his horns though?
[With a John Kerry JFK Hair Helmet.]
I have an autograph by Patsy Cline. I am showing my age here, but back in the 60's, my family and I went to all the country and western shows. My mother kept an autograph book that we added to each one we went to. I have Patsy, Jim Reeves, Kitty Wells, Johnny Cash, Buck Owens, Cowboy Copas, Marty Robbins, Little Jimmie Dickens etc, etc, etc. I have the book stored in a special frame that hangs on my wall, open, of course to the autograph of the immortal Patsy Cline. What a wonder she was.
[True, and Patsy Cline did a GREAT rendition of the DUmmie theme song---Crazy.]
Bush's mystery bulge IS IN FACT Karl Rove.
[Yeah. KARL ROVE is affixed to Bush’s back just like that ugly little critter was stuck on that Martian guy’s tummy in Total Recall.]
The electronic voice had a different timbre and a different rythm. Pauses were in different places. Didn't recognise the voice, but I haven't heard rove's voice often. Wasn't cheney.
[Karl Rove’s voice sounds just like the Wizard of Oz. Now lean back, click your heels together three times, and repeat: “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”]
During some of those long pauses he sure looked as if he was straining to hear something. I think that his "help" may have been inaudible some of the time, leaving him to flop about helplessly.
[It happened right in the middle of the debate when KARL ROVE got the munchies and said into the secret transmitter: “Mr. President. Could you order me an mushroom and sausage pizza with lots and lots of garlic when this debate is over? Okay, and now here is the answer to the question about sanctions and Saddam Hussein.”]
This needs to be forwarded to the major news media…
[Absolutely. Why restrict the laughs to the readers of the DUmmie FUnnies. The WHOLE COUNTRY needs an opportunity to laugh at bizarre DUmmie conspiracy theories.]
what if...What if Bush really was wired? And what if Kerry's operatives knew - and helped jam the signal? What if both campaigns are now fully aware there is an all-out political war going on in this country. What if the stakes were higher even than us DUers realize at the moment?
[What if you are institutionalized today instead of tomorrow?]
In the Bible there is a passage in revelations. Something to the effect of the antichrist having a "puppet" that would speak for him. I'm not up on revelations as I should be, but I know that this is indeed there. Perhaps one of you is better educated in this area.
[Glad to be of help. This is not only mentioned in Revelations but in the Book of Rove as well.]
Well if he wears one tonight, Kerry ought to go yank it out on camera. Just stroll over and yank it out, or wait until the end and do it during the handshake.
[That act alone should win Kerry the Happy Farms vote.]
I predicted this a LONG TIME AGO! Why the hell aren't the DEMS F*CKING JAMMING THE SIGNAL?!!!
[Because they are too busy F*CKING JAMMING THE SIGNALS GOING INTO YOUR TINY HEAD!!!]
But all the guesses as to other causes of the bulge don't explain the second voice. It was clearly two different voices, not an echo.
[AHA! The second voice! Was that second voice locked in the refrigerator with the strawberry ice cream?]
"Last I looked, Karl Rove doesn't have seven heads, ten horns, the paws of a bear, the mouth of a lion, etc. (Revelation 13"
No, that's Te-razor Haz-It-All Kerry!
Stick with the amusement option, DU can serve a useful purpose if you indulge your sense of humor while there.
Whenever I go to DU it's strictly for laughs. Nothing that is posted over there can be taken seriously or you would begin to wonder if you have slipped through a crack in the space-time continuum and entered an alternate universe. Up is down, day is night, black is white, etc.
Sometimes I have to wonder if DU is just a whacky put-on. It's hard to imagine that actual people could be so far out of touch with reality.
Operatives?? We got operatives? Kewl.
Could you add me to your DUmmy ping list, please?
Good point!
I want a copy of the Book of Rove.
Bacon, if you're not on this list, you should seriously consider it. It is pure Democrat-lunacy goodness.
Of course we got operatives! Ya can't have a vast right-wing conspiracy without operatives! Where do you think our KRP decoder rings come from?
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