Help me! Help me!
Posted on 10/10/2004 5:24:47 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
The latest conspiracy theory incarnation among the DUmmies concerns a supposed bulge on Bush’s back that they believe was a secret transmitter feeding him answers into an invisible earpiece during the debate. This makes the first appearance of a bulge in presidential campaign politics since Al Gore stuffed a couple of socks into his pants to make himself appear as an Alpha male on a magazine cover in 2000. This current conspiracy is a continuation of the recent “Earpiecegate” to which an edition of the DUmmie FUnnies was dedicated. Since the DUmmies are unable to ditch this conspiracy theory, let us revisit them as they continue to obsess on the same topic. So put on your tinfoil hats, boys and girls, and take a walk back down DUmmie memory lane as they continue with their bulge/earpiece theories. As usual, the insane foam-at-the-mouth rantings of the DUmmies are in Bolshevik red while the incredibly erudite commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:
He was talking to Rove, I guess. Does this constitute cheating, by the agreed rules of the debate?
[YUP! And that explains why Bush beat Kerry in the last debate. Bush was just reciting word for word the instructions he was receiving in the earpiece from KARL ROVE. That KARL ROVE. The modern day Scarlet Pimpernel. He’s Here! He’s There! He’s EVERYWHERE!]
if you blow that up in Photoshop, you can see the trail of the cord running up to his right ear - and see the line at the base of his hair.
[And under an electron microscope you can see the electron streams that KARL ROVE was transmitting via his secret decoder ring.]
You can also see the cord running up his shoulder...He needs to be blasted on this. Lying, cheating BASTARD!!!!
[Don’t hold back. Tell us what you REALLY think.]
It looks like...a bulletproof vest to me. Battery packs for wireless mikes go at the beltline in the back, not in the middle of the back.
[What the hell is the matter with you. You’re RUINING a good conspiracy theory with a rare bit of DUmmie logic.]
May that bulge is just his folded up bat wings. Wonder how he hides his horns though?
[With a John Kerry JFK Hair Helmet.]
I have an autograph by Patsy Cline. I am showing my age here, but back in the 60's, my family and I went to all the country and western shows. My mother kept an autograph book that we added to each one we went to. I have Patsy, Jim Reeves, Kitty Wells, Johnny Cash, Buck Owens, Cowboy Copas, Marty Robbins, Little Jimmie Dickens etc, etc, etc. I have the book stored in a special frame that hangs on my wall, open, of course to the autograph of the immortal Patsy Cline. What a wonder she was.
[True, and Patsy Cline did a GREAT rendition of the DUmmie theme song---Crazy.]
Bush's mystery bulge IS IN FACT Karl Rove.
[Yeah. KARL ROVE is affixed to Bush’s back just like that ugly little critter was stuck on that Martian guy’s tummy in Total Recall.]
The electronic voice had a different timbre and a different rythm. Pauses were in different places. Didn't recognise the voice, but I haven't heard rove's voice often. Wasn't cheney.
[Karl Rove’s voice sounds just like the Wizard of Oz. Now lean back, click your heels together three times, and repeat: “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”]
During some of those long pauses he sure looked as if he was straining to hear something. I think that his "help" may have been inaudible some of the time, leaving him to flop about helplessly.
[It happened right in the middle of the debate when KARL ROVE got the munchies and said into the secret transmitter: “Mr. President. Could you order me an mushroom and sausage pizza with lots and lots of garlic when this debate is over? Okay, and now here is the answer to the question about sanctions and Saddam Hussein.”]
This needs to be forwarded to the major news media…
[Absolutely. Why restrict the laughs to the readers of the DUmmie FUnnies. The WHOLE COUNTRY needs an opportunity to laugh at bizarre DUmmie conspiracy theories.]
what if...What if Bush really was wired? And what if Kerry's operatives knew - and helped jam the signal? What if both campaigns are now fully aware there is an all-out political war going on in this country. What if the stakes were higher even than us DUers realize at the moment?
[What if you are institutionalized today instead of tomorrow?]
In the Bible there is a passage in revelations. Something to the effect of the antichrist having a "puppet" that would speak for him. I'm not up on revelations as I should be, but I know that this is indeed there. Perhaps one of you is better educated in this area.
[Glad to be of help. This is not only mentioned in Revelations but in the Book of Rove as well.]
Well if he wears one tonight, Kerry ought to go yank it out on camera. Just stroll over and yank it out, or wait until the end and do it during the handshake.
[That act alone should win Kerry the Happy Farms vote.]
I predicted this a LONG TIME AGO! Why the hell aren't the DEMS F*CKING JAMMING THE SIGNAL?!!!
[Because they are too busy F*CKING JAMMING THE SIGNALS GOING INTO YOUR TINY HEAD!!!]
But all the guesses as to other causes of the bulge don't explain the second voice. It was clearly two different voices, not an echo.
[AHA! The second voice! Was that second voice locked in the refrigerator with the strawberry ice cream?]
That's alcohol abuse, my friend. Never spill a drop.
Hello, I am Scott and I am a drink spiller...
Hi Scott, thanks for sharing.
Help me! Help me!
Gahhhh.... go ahead and stick me on it please.
Remember these are the people that were advocating insurgency (click here for post). It seems to me that these people are so off their rocker that an attempt on the President is, at least, plausible and, in some (many?) of their minds justified. They are really detached from reality.
That is one thing I honestly do worry about, when W gets 4 more years. These people are so hate-crazed that they might try anything. After all, what kind of people write a book about thinking up ways to assassinate a president?
geez, whoever was feedin' him lines wasn't too good at it, according to the polls. geez.
And here all the time I'd thought it was the Jim Beam...
Nice cicada...
Cicadas make great fish bait. Every 17 years that is.
Do bass prefer them with tinfoil or rigged to a spoon?
PJ, Your posts are so much better than actually going to DU,which always gives me a stomach ache. Thanks for doing the dirty work!!!
spoon rigged.
The President was wearing a Lienator during the first debate to detect lies told by Senator Kerry. Unfortunately the volume was set too high and caused President Bush to grimace each time it buzzed. There were so many lies told by Senator Kerry the unit burned out. It was not used during the second debate.
Right! It's Revelation 13:11 - the false prophet who speaks for and wields the power of the Great Beast.
Last I looked, Karl Rove doesn't have seven heads, ten horns, the paws of a bear, the mouth of a lion, etc. (Revelation 13)
You know, I suggested the other day on a thread here that I thought it was a bullet proof vest, if anything.
What is with the "echo" they are talking about?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.