'Cheap sex' is making men give up on marriage

NY Post ^ | September 2, 2017 | Larry Getlan

[EdnaMode]

Thanks to cheap sex, marriage may be doomed.

The share of Americans ages 25-34 who are married dropped 13 percentage points from 2000 to 2014. A new book by sociologist Mark Regnerus blames this declining rate on how easy it is for men to get off.

Regnerus calls it “cheap sex,” an economic term meant to describe sex that has very little cost in terms of time or emotional investment, giving it little value.

Regnerus bases his ideas, in part, on the work of British social theorist Anthony Giddens, who argued that the pill isolated sex from marriage and children. Add online pornography and dating sites to the mix and you don’t even need relationships.

The result is “two overlapping (but distinctive) markets, one for sex and one for marriage, with a rather large territory in between comprised of significant relationships of varying commitment and duration,” Regnerus writes in “Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy” (Oxford University Press).

In generations past, women generally made men wait until marriage to have sex. To get a wife (and, therefore, sex), men had to be clean and presentable and have a good job. This, Regnerus reasons, gave men all the motivation they needed to become respectable members of society.

Now with porn on-demand and greater reproductive freedom, sex is a commodity available at any time. This has left men with little motivation for marriage, writes Regnerus, who cites demographer Steven Ruggles’ prediction that one of every three people in their 20s will never marry.

[thecodont]

Worked in college counseling over twenty five years ago and that was true.

I proposed providing workshops to help the young women have some boundaries around their sexual relations. it was kyboshed. it wasn’t politically correct.

Seriously?

On second thought, if in some way "student life" is being sold as bacchanalia by some admissions folks, this might make some sort of warped sense.

[Chickensoup]

Worked in college counseling over twenty five years ago and that was true.
I proposed providing workshops to help the young women have some boundaries around their sexual relations. it was kyboshed. it wasn’t politically correct.

Seriously?

On second thought, if in some way “student life” is being sold as bacchanalia by some admissions folks, this might make some sort of warped sense.
___________________________________

Seriously. in a no name state school. Not sold as anything but a way to a degree. Even back then sexual politics were difficult in academia.

It was tragic though to be working with young women who had no real idea that they could say no. That their bodies were more than semen spittoons. Pathetic.

[Albion Wilde]

So sorry for the triple post! It's not that funny.

[thecodont]

Hormonal contraception. Mid-60's.

That was the necessary paraphernalia for the war against natural sex.

A couple of years ago, some guy who was big in the Playboy Empire (Editor in chief? CEO? I can't remember what) wrote a book on the occasion of the 50th anniversary of the Playboy brand. His topic was a celebration of the Sexual Revolution.

He correctly opined that contraceptives are THE necessary paraphernalia of the Sexual Revolution. Why? Here's where it gets interesting. NOT ONLY because contraceptives denature heterosexual intercourse so that those most-dreaded complications ---babies--- don't result, BUT ALSO because the contraceptive mentality legitimizes every kind of sexual perversion.

"Perversion" is not the word he used --he termed it something like "sexual preference". But "perversion" is, by definition, any kind of "preference" which in practice ditches the essentially procreative structure and meaning of intercourse. By far the most numerous practitioners of denatured sex, and thus re-definers of marriage, are contracepting heterosexuals.

It's not just the rejection of marriage. It's the rejection of natural sex.

And if this made for "better sex," America would be a f***ing paradise. But now --- for so many --- it's purgatory or worse.

Thank you. Other people have pointed out that 1965 was pretty much the watershed year for cultural change, and I will have to agree with that; this year marked the beginning of the loss of innocence.

The assumptions made (though no longer explicitly acknowledged or stated) about contraception underpin all modern entertainment and advertising. It would be interesting to require that all entertainment (movies/TV) or ads come with a warning label in the form of a picture of a packet of birth control pills and/or a pair of stirrups, or abortion tools,

"WARNING: This product contains implicit use of contraceptive and abortifacient products." Sort of like a (California) Prop. 65 ("may cause reproductive harm") for media. Heh heh. People take nutrition far more seriously than reproduction, do they not? Read that warning label!

And yes, I remember in public school sex-ed class, contraception was being described to us kids as a way for a married woman to keep from being endlessly pregnant, as a sort of convenience to her.

Somewhere along this decline the child started being viewed as a lifestyle accessory and not a blessed event.

Somewhere along this decline little girls stopped playing with baby dolls and looking forward to being mothers someday.

[BJ1]

I have a 25 year old daughter. I don’t remember too many dolls for her friends. My own daughter didn’t like them. Her mom was a career mom.

[BobL]

Sorry you had to go through the learning curve here, but REALLY GLAD you came out on the good side of it!

[BJ1]

It only cost me everything in money terms. Broke at 40. I lost everything I had prior to the divorce.

[gogeo]

Thank you for the very insightful post.

[Thumper1960]

There is that old saying about a lady in the drawing room and whore in the bedroom....or some such malarkey.

[Vision]

Bm

[Architect of Avalon]

Marriage is meant to be about a man and a woman having and raising a family together.

[Architect of Avalon]

True.

[morphing libertarian]

Thank you. My wife thinks it’s for taming men and equalizing money between men and women.

[Architect of Avalon]

Women who know that they will get the farm are likely to divorce the farmer.

[Texan5]

Ay, por favor, senor-you don’t even know me or anything about me-I’m a ranch kid from remote W Texas-brought up on a small family ranch, in large extended Texas family of Latino ancestry-a traditional Catholic family. Men and women are equals when it comes to ranch work and other employment, but we were taught traditional roles for man-woman relationships-we were each to respect the other, and never be abusive.

My 1st job off the ranch was for my uncle who was a drywall contractor-I showed a love and aptitude for construction at a young age-I love that work still-won’t apologize for that. We were all taught to be self-reliant-if you can’t do that, you just might starve, especially if you end up alone after a death or divorce-goes for men, too...

I got a degree in social work-married a military man who went to college, became a P.E., had a child and was a stay at home mom for as long as my husband and I thought I should, while he taught me the finer points of construction-he was delighted to do so. I didn’t like social work-took courses in voc rehab, got a workers comp adjusters’ license, became a workers comp case manager-did that for 30 years-my marriage ended after 20 over his addiction to much younger women-s*** happens sometimes.

I married MrT5, a career military officer-after he retired from service and went to work at the VA as a counselor, we realized we could not both be case managers and have a good result-he who has the gold makes the rules-since that was MrT5, I changed-went to work in construction again-worked out great for us both.

If I were not strong in my faith in God-and self reliant, my husband’s untimely death would have done me in...

We always had 2-3 cats-shelter cats we gave a home-we also always had a large “real” dog-German Shepherd, Chow, Siberian Husky. I have 3 shelter cats now-hardly “raising cats” since they are neutered-don’t you even like pets?

Neither of my husbands treated me as a subordinate, but an equal human being-they were both secure enough in their masculinity to do that, as is my guy now-my man is always mi rey-never anything less, and no one is more important to me-my mom certainly taught me that.

I see no reason not to do the work I love and am good at to make a living-I earned enough money with my degree, now I can do as I like-BTW my man is an LEO, not some metro wimp.

Don’t know where you are from, but Texas women-especially Texas country women-just don’t usually fit in to your ideal of a perfect submissive female-and most of our cowboys love and respect us just the way we are. One size does not fit all you know-might need a ladder to get down from that horse you’re on...

[Architect of Avalon]

Women who dress / look act that way completely misapprehend what the reaction of men will be.

No man wants to marry the village bicycle.

[Architect of Avalon]

That is the way things are when women have power without accountability.

[Architect of Avalon]

Actually men tend to get affirmative action now in college admissions.

Prove that.

[Architect of Avalon]

No man wants to cherish and be faithful to a ho.

[JerryBlackwell]

Best of luck with your new life. Please don’t bring your bride back to USA or don’t let her be Americanized if you do.