Posted on 12/29/2002 5:16:30 PM PST by MadIvan
Marriage is more damaging to a woman's well-being than a man's because it offers her fewer immediate personal benefits, says research by a Government-funded group.
The One Plus One Marriage and Partnership Research organisation said that while married men appeared physically better off than single men, the same could not be said for married women.
Furthermore, single men were more likely to regard themselves as unhappy compared to married men. The same was not generally true of single women.
Research among more than 2,000 divorced couples found that women had to make a greater adjustment to marriage than men.
"The greater part of the husband's day will continue to be spent much as it was before his marriage, whereas this is rarely so for the wife," said Penny Mansfield, director of One Plus One.
"If she continues to work, she is likely to have to combine the job of housewife with that of full-time worker. This in itself may be a source of stress because she will have less opportunity for relaxation.
"Even if the wife does not work following marriage, there may be adjustment difficulties for her since she has to learn to adopt a completely different lifestyle.
"The absence of colleagues, workmates and the loss of an independent income will require varying degrees of adaptation which may all contribute to a sense of increasing isolation."
Half of those surveyed reported difficulties of sexual adjustment, particularly after the birth of a baby, while about the same (48 per cent) spoke of adjustment difficulties connected with housing and finance.
Most (73 per cent) said the problems which led to marital failure started within the first five years but for a third they surfaced within the first 12 months. The duration of marital "happiness" among the couples, whose marriages lasted an average of 10-14 years, was only 3.87 years.
The Government is spending millions of pounds on research into why marriages fail and what can be done to help couples stay together.
Family campaigners blame marital breakdown on Labour policies which have stripped away the tax benefits and most of the legal privileges that go with staying married.
In August the Lord Chancellor's department acknowledged that the number of couples who divorced rose for the first time in almost a decade. There were 860 more decrees absolute - the legal measure that finalises divorce - last year than in 2000, making a total of 137,270 completed divorces.
The organisation pointed to American research which showed that couples who did manage to stay married allowed each spouse to retain some sense of autonomy.
That meant being careful about what was argued about and accepting compromises. The basic components of long-lasting marriages were love, trust and respect.
That's why most of the men I date are 6 - 16 years younger than I am. Once they are my age, they are so cynical and stubborn that they can't be any fun.
You are right, marriage is a long-term committment. It has it's better years, and some that are not so great. I believe that some researchers in the U.S. did a survey of married couples happiness a few years ago. What they found was that couples who rated their happiness low, if they stayed with the marriage, 3-5 years down the line were much happier than they had been when first polled. You have to hang in there.
There have been times when I've wondered about this whole marriage thing; but, those doubts pass when I sit and think about what my single life was like. And, what I remember was a lot of sitting home alone, going to holiday family functions alone; and, having my heart broken on numerous occassions by some jerk. My hubbys not perfect and neither am I; but, he is always there. (BTW, we will be married 22 years on Jan. 3)
No.
Regards, Ivan
Really? We own a couple of Brosnan's 007 movies... I think he's a great actor...
No one has yet mentioned the greatest Bond of all - the Magnificent Sir Sean Connery. I was doing a little channel surfing and hit on one of his old Bond movies - I'd forgotten how absolutely GORGEOUS he was in his youth. (And for a lady of my years, he's STILL gorgeous - I think I like him even better without the rug he used to wear.)
Well, my wife does all the cooking (she absolutely loves it), but I do the yard work, the laundry (yes, my wife can't seem to separate the clothes properly), take care of the cars, do all the bills, and clean the house. Oh, and I feed the three dogs and six cats.
As long as I'm fed the gourmet stuff she dishes out, I'll earn my keep!
Chicken cacciatore on the menu tonight.
Nope, just the smell of them.
I tell you though, it does inspire some really unique and innovative projects.. Like robotic vacuum cleaners.
(a lawnmower would be much more useful, but I could imagine it chopping some overly curious kiddie fingers off.)
If you look at the numbers and you go strictly by those, leaving out all emotion and the religious facets.. Men have much more to lose from marriage than they do to gain.
Given the secular direction of our society, I am frankly surprised anyone is married anymore. I was just out with the "activity partner" last night actually.
That was my first thought, too! Did the study say how long these divorced people had been divorced? Almost everyone is pretty cynical after a divorce, for a while.
Sheesh, I wouldn't ask someone who was divorced what it takes to make a successful marriage...and that is coming from someone who is divorced. I don't know for sure since my marriage didn't work out, but I think if both people loved each other and wanted the best for the other, all sorts of obstacles and lifestyle changes could be worked out.
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