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Why women have less to gain from marriage
The Daily Telegraph ^ | December 30, 2002 | Sarah Womack

Posted on 12/29/2002 5:16:30 PM PST by MadIvan

Marriage is more damaging to a woman's well-being than a man's because it offers her fewer immediate personal benefits, says research by a Government-funded group.

The One Plus One Marriage and Partnership Research organisation said that while married men appeared physically better off than single men, the same could not be said for married women.

Furthermore, single men were more likely to regard themselves as unhappy compared to married men. The same was not generally true of single women.

Research among more than 2,000 divorced couples found that women had to make a greater adjustment to marriage than men.

"The greater part of the husband's day will continue to be spent much as it was before his marriage, whereas this is rarely so for the wife," said Penny Mansfield, director of One Plus One.

"If she continues to work, she is likely to have to combine the job of housewife with that of full-time worker. This in itself may be a source of stress because she will have less opportunity for relaxation.

"Even if the wife does not work following marriage, there may be adjustment difficulties for her since she has to learn to adopt a completely different lifestyle.

"The absence of colleagues, workmates and the loss of an independent income will require varying degrees of adaptation which may all contribute to a sense of increasing isolation."

Half of those surveyed reported difficulties of sexual adjustment, particularly after the birth of a baby, while about the same (48 per cent) spoke of adjustment difficulties connected with housing and finance.

Most (73 per cent) said the problems which led to marital failure started within the first five years but for a third they surfaced within the first 12 months. The duration of marital "happiness" among the couples, whose marriages lasted an average of 10-14 years, was only 3.87 years.

The Government is spending millions of pounds on research into why marriages fail and what can be done to help couples stay together.

Family campaigners blame marital breakdown on Labour policies which have stripped away the tax benefits and most of the legal privileges that go with staying married.

In August the Lord Chancellor's department acknowledged that the number of couples who divorced rose for the first time in almost a decade. There were 860 more decrees absolute - the legal measure that finalises divorce - last year than in 2000, making a total of 137,270 completed divorces.

The organisation pointed to American research which showed that couples who did manage to stay married allowed each spouse to retain some sense of autonomy.

That meant being careful about what was argued about and accepting compromises. The basic components of long-lasting marriages were love, trust and respect.


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To: marajade
I would rather watch Timothy Dalton.

However, even he gets old after multiple repeats.

I should point out that TNT ran this SAME Bond marathon over Thanksgiving!! LOL!

81 posted on 12/29/2002 6:04:01 PM PST by Miss Marple
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To: atpeace
Didn't the Three Stooges also have a women haters club?

I don't think so. But certainly they couldn't get a date. ;)

Regards, Ivan

82 posted on 12/29/2002 6:04:59 PM PST by MadIvan
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To: All
Assuming all of this chit chat is serious, I must run in different circles than most of you. I've been happily married for seventeen years and it gets better every year. Most of our friends are very happily married, too. I have seen a few divorces among our close friends over the years (two, to be exact), and it was obvious that those couples were not happy. But, everyone else we know and are friends with have great marriages. This thread is really sad, assuming you all aren't making this stuff up.
83 posted on 12/29/2002 6:05:06 PM PST by cantfindagoodscreenname
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To: BuddhaBoy
You're funny... I glanced over it because I felt I really couldn't...
84 posted on 12/29/2002 6:05:43 PM PST by marajade
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To: nhoward14
uhhh... OOPS! Nope, I didn't read the last sentence until now. *L* What an afterthought - it should have been the first one.
85 posted on 12/29/2002 6:05:58 PM PST by ValerieUSA
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To: guitfiddlist
certainly not me!

although i do find bald men sexy..;)
86 posted on 12/29/2002 6:06:13 PM PST by atpeace
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To: MadIvan
Yup. We do.
87 posted on 12/29/2002 6:06:22 PM PST by Chad Fairbanks
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To: Miss Marple
"I would rather watch Timothy Dalton."

Really? We own a couple of Brosnan's 007 movies... I think he's a great actor...

88 posted on 12/29/2002 6:07:03 PM PST by marajade
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To: UnBlinkingEye
Longer men have happier marriages.
89 posted on 12/29/2002 6:07:25 PM PST by Consort
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To: sinkspur
Then, some years down the road, after the sex becomes a twice-a-month thing, they realize they really do love each other,

Or maybe they went blind from all the early sex, and now can't FIND each other?

Seriously, I wish you married people all the best. The example of happy married couples keeps the single women desperate, which gives me the edge in negotiations.

90 posted on 12/29/2002 6:07:36 PM PST by BuddhaBoy
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To: MadIvan
I ain't ever getting married. What I can tell the women get to nag the man to death after the ceremony. There is no way a single man is less happy than a married man unless he is some gas station attendent. The way I see it, if a man can live alone, his house is his office. He runs the boat, no nagging and no worries about what will happen to others if a decision is made. Kids??? One word, CLONE.
91 posted on 12/29/2002 6:07:41 PM PST by Porterville
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To: cantfindagoodscreenname
Well, I am just griping about the Bond marathon, run twice in the last month and a half. Since I make a hot breakfast every morning, do all the yard work, all the laundry, and am constantly on call for cooking, snacks, errands, etc. I feel I am entitled to grip about this one small thing.

I love my husband, who puts up with things from me I am sure. I am also sure he gripes to his co-workers, so what the heck.

92 posted on 12/29/2002 6:07:58 PM PST by Miss Marple
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To: Little Bill
You have that right kid, it cost me $350K and I had the kids and put them through school on my dime, $125K, my ex is an RN good for $60-70K a year, contributed Nada, oh, I forgot $25,000 in lawyers fees, I was working 3500 hours a year.

You sound as if you measured your marriage in dollars.

No wonder it didn't work.

93 posted on 12/29/2002 6:08:02 PM PST by sinkspur
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To: cantfindagoodscreenname

It is very sad..I agree. Unfortunately I was not "making up" my 18 year horror story but at 46 years of age I have finally found my soulmate. He was worth the wait. :)
94 posted on 12/29/2002 6:08:25 PM PST by atpeace
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To: marajade
*wink*
95 posted on 12/29/2002 6:08:51 PM PST by BuddhaBoy
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To: atpeace
certainly not me!

2 Classic Curly Lines: "Coit'nly!" and "Not me!"

96 posted on 12/29/2002 6:08:59 PM PST by guitfiddlist
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To: guitfiddlist
n'yuck, n'yuck!
97 posted on 12/29/2002 6:11:12 PM PST by atpeace
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To: cantfindagoodscreenname
The discouraging part is meeting the fellow (or woman, depending who you are) that has been so burned by a previous marraige, they are ruined for life, and will not trust anyone. They wouldn't know what to do with a straight, honest, decent individual who is not after their money (or whatever) if they ran over them.

Personally, I think the feminazis ruined it for the rest of us women. Most men automatically think American women don't know how to be feminine, without playing manipulating games.

p.s. I don't have the jet ski anymore :D

98 posted on 12/29/2002 6:12:37 PM PST by kstewskis
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To: BuddhaBoy
Welcome to the "People Who Spend Money on Fun instead of Diapers" Club.

and I am a life long member of that one, LOL!

99 posted on 12/29/2002 6:13:36 PM PST by kstewskis
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To: Chad Fairbanks; BuddhaBoy
I'm finding this fascinating. Men have chased me, caught me and then either ran away or slithered off as fast as possible.

I'm not talkative, am self-supporting and love to cook. Does anyone think it might be the ten housecats and live-in 10 year old nephew?

100 posted on 12/29/2002 6:15:04 PM PST by goody2shooz
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