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Her husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.

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He said: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."

She said: "Well, you succeeded."

Seen on a wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere..."
Written just below it: "I do not!"

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He said: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said: "That's a good idea... You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa, scratch, and fart.

A women gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery !"

The husband says, "Oh my god! No kidding? What should I pack, beach stuff or winter stuff"?

She yells back, " It doesn't matter...just get the heck out!!!

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the
men now walked several yards behind their wives. Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvellous. Can you tell me and the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?" "Land mines," said the Kuwaiti woman.