Freeoples Thread 327

[Mo1]

T h r e a d ... 3 2 7

[ValerieUSA]

she chose to not abort you

[operation clinton cleanup]

Sen. Joseph Biden's Daughter Arrested on Obstruction Charge

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/727270/posts

Yeah, but where were the Bush daughters drinking last night?

[ValerieUSA]

... or is there another choice you're grateful for?

[operation clinton cleanup]

she chose to not abort you

That was not a choice she could have or would have made at the time. I was talking about the circumnavigation.

[operation clinton cleanup]

what was that HTML code for linking stories? I accidently deleted my notepad HTML templates..

[sweetliberty]

Something to keep in mind when you get your new job.

Top 11 Reasons to Go to Work Naked

1)Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!"

2)Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3)Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.

4)"I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

5)To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

6)You want to see if it's like the dream.

7)So that, with a little help from Muzak, you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

8)People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

9)Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

10)Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

11)No one steals your chair.

[ValerieUSA]

The woman's "choice" movement has hijacked the choice word to make a freedom facade for their hideous act... like the queers have stolen the "gay" word.

[sweetliberty]

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager". The questions are not that difficult.

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer : Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer : The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.

[operation clinton cleanup]

Something to keep in mind when you get your new job.

At least 4 of those are why I don't have a job now...

[ValerieUSA]

I like numbers 6 and 11

[sweetliberty]

To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [Name of the Company]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]

[sweetliberty]

#6 is good.

[operation clinton cleanup]

Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.

Thankfully most four year olds don't have the ethics of an Aurther Anderson consultant!

[sweetliberty]

Here's a good one for next time you get overcharged for some "service."

A feisty 70-year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor.
"Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes."
The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour
charge on every house call.
"Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.

[sweetliberty]

A contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work.

If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

My stigmata's acting up.

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

[operation clinton cleanup]

LOL! That sort of reminds me of a cable repairmen I had. He was scheduled to be at my house between 1-3pm. The truck showed up at 12:30 and he just sat there. At 12:45 I went out and asked him if he was supposed to be at my house. He said he wasnt scheduled until 1... He sat there until 1 and then came in and did his 5 minutes of work!

[ValerieUSA]

To link a story < a href="..." target=0 > name of story < /a >

[operation clinton cleanup]

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

We used that one a lot during Y2K conversion.

[operation clinton cleanup]

Thanks, I had it right... just spaces in the wrong places.

[ValerieUSA]

I showed you right - except for the spaces in the wrong places *L*