Posted on 04/29/2002 12:40:14 PM PDT by mad puppy
There have been a lot of inquiries about this article & whether Ted wrote it or not. Ted did not write the following piece & we aren't sure who did, but we do love it & here it is for you to enjoy!
BAD AMERICAN
I'm a Bad American-this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.
I don't care about appearing compassionate.
I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.
I think I'm doing better than the homeless.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations. I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it.
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.
I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word "is"-ever.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or any thing else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it.
I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.
I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap
from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.
I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.
Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said - now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.
I don't hate the rich. I help the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots - and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too - it was wrong for every one of them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal Democrat with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.
I want to know exactly which church is it where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function.
I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.
I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad.
You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male. If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.
I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child-it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so. I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.
I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American.
But that's tough.
Can I get an author check on aisle 3?
If it was, then everytime he stood on his stepstool he could rear it in the mirror.
This was a great read, Thanks it made my day.
Your welcome. And with your comment, it was worth it.
(but you may simply be ignored - the last time I requested one of my posts be removed - I was completely ignored.....)
This is the one part I disagree with in some circumstances anyway.
BAD AMERICAN
I am one bad that the American-this pretty very addition above for me. I taste of great trucks, great boats, great houses, and of course, pretty women. I believe that the money that I make belongs and my family to me, some functionary governmental midlevel with one bad comb-on who I do not want giving moved away the vitiated ones from the crack that esguincham for are of the babies.
I do not import myself with seeming compassionate. I think that playing with injectors of the toy he does not make it an assassin. I believe that ignoring its small ones and to give Prozac to them he could.
I think that I am making better of the one than the homeless. I do not think of being makes of one minority noble you nor not victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of other because they are different, strange or me not to make insane person. This is my life to live not necessarily, and until another expectations.
I know that what the SEX is and is varying degrees of it. I do not commemorate Kwanzaa. But if you to want to that one is very well; I do not only feel as all more they have themselves that.
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I do not hate rich. I help the poor persons. I know that wrestling is the fake ** teams-out ** I t never possu, or est a slave, and a great percentage sufficiently proper ours forefathers est not rich one any one ** teams-out ** please pair of responsabiliz me because some previous white person est idiots - and record, white ton, indian, Chinese, and another race t est enslaved too much - est made a mistake for each one.
I believe that a liberal democrat self-righteous with a cause is more dangerous of the one than one angel of the hell with an attitude. I want to know accurately that the church is it where the " Reverend " Jessie Jackson you prefind; e, what ** is accurately its function of work teams-out ** i possu an injector, you poss possu an injector, and some American red blooded dev est permit proper an injector, but if you US a crime, to follow you sirv time. I think that Bill Gates has each right to keep each currency of a cent that fêz and I continue to make of more ** teams-out ** if faç wild you, then invent following to oper system that est better and po its name building. Its comrade asks who invented the InterNet for helping it. I do not believe the legislation of the crime of the hatred. Exactly sugeriz it teams-out makes me wild ** ** you est dig me that somebody that est one minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or in another different way mainstream this country t more value as a human being to be that I faç eat a male white.
If somebody killed any one, I would say that it is a crime of the hatred. We do not need more laws! We go to strengthen these that we have already. I think of the bacon of Peru, meat of Peru, fake that of Peru any thing sucks. I believe that he does not make examination of a village to raise it child
BAD AMERICAN
I'm a Bad American-this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.
I don't care about appearing compassionate.
I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer.
I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.
I think I'm doing better than the homeless.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad.
This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations.
I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it.
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.
I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English.
My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed.
I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word "is"-ever.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or any thing else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it.
I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet.
I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.
I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.
I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.
Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said - now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.
I don't hate the rich.
I help the poor.
I know wrestling is fake.
I've never owned, or was a slave, and neither are you so shut the f**k up
A large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either.
Please stop blaming me because some ancestors were idiots - and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too - it was wrong for every one of them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal Democrat with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an
attitude.
I want to know exactly which church is it where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function.
I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you
use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.
I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad.
If You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male, then you are the one of lesser value.
If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.
I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks.
I believe that it doesn't take a village toraise a child-it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so.
I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller.
I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.
I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right.
I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American.
But that's tough.
Actually, if you subject it to a rigorous textual analysis, you'll be surprised to find that it has much in common with Jimmy Webb's lyrics. Listen to this:
"I am a bad American. 'cause I left a cake out in the rain, I don't think that I can take it 'Cause it took so long to bake it And I'll never have that recipe again Oh, no!"
Amazing, huh?
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