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FR Daily Humor/Bizarre News Thread 04/18/02

Posted on 04/18/2002 7:51:34 AM PDT by Texaggie79

Due to many requests, we are posting the Daily Bizarre news thread again. The reason it was halted is because of the lack of participation by FReepers. Some threads didn't even make it past 50 posts. So we will do a trial run to see how things go.

Now back to humor......


TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Miscellaneous; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: weirdnews
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To: RippleFire
Guess he will have to unretire and hit those pads.
41 posted on 04/18/2002 2:14:38 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: Texaggie79
This is a great thread.
42 posted on 04/18/2002 2:28:47 PM PDT by kassie
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To: Texaggie79

BASE-jumping attempt sends man to hospital


Gianna Trinca

Anchorage, Alaska, April 15 - A Canadian man who attempted to BASE jump off the Mackay Building remains hospitalized Monday night. The Anchorage Police Department said 32-year-old Kenneth Kell tried to take flight off the building after having several beers.

 


 

     BASE jumping is an extreme sport where jumpers don't plunge out of planes, instead they jump off buildings or cliffs. BASE stands for building, antennae, span, earth, which are the fixed objects where jumps are made.
     In this case, Kell took flight off a building that experienced jumpers say is too low, and because of that, his chute didn't deploy properly.
     The Mackay Building is 114-feet tall. Skydivers said in order to complete a successful BASE jump, the jumper needs to be at least 200 feet above the ground.
     Police also said that although Kell is an experienced skydiver, he has little experience BASE jumping. To BASE jump, experts said, more skill is required.
     "In BASE jumping, things tend to happen quicker. There's a little less time to deal with potential problems that you might have with your equipment or with getting off the structure safely," said Carol Redding with Alaska Skydiving.
     "I do not know of any equipment that is geared to open successfully in that height. I understand the McKay is around 115 feet, and that's the absolute extreme," Alaska Skydiving owner Bill Jones said.
     Kell's injuries from the fall are serious. He broke both legs, his pelvis and has a collapsed lung. Police said what kept him alive is the snow pack that he fell on.
     Kell faces possible charges. BASE jumping is illegal if the jumper does not have consent from the person that owns the building. Police said Kell may face trespassing charges in the future.

43 posted on 04/18/2002 2:31:37 PM PDT by RippleFire
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To: Texaggie79

MINNEAPOLIS -- It's a farty party. And you're invited!

Experimental buses that operate on nothing but human gas are up and running in the Twin Cities, as well as in New York, Los Angeles and Washington, D.C.

Energy and transportation officials are closely observing the buses, and say they could make flatulence the fuel of the future.

"This is perhaps the most revolutionary advancement in energy technology since the cold-fusion nuclear reactor," said Dr. Ivana Grieggs, director of scientific studies at the Council on Energy Research in Seattle. "It could enable us to finally overcome our dependence on fossil fuels, and to break OPEC's stranglehold on the world's energy supply.

"In short," she declared, "I believe this bus will save the planet!"

The superbus engine was designed by Kurt Kustelson, an alternative-fuels expert based in Minneapolis. He created special seats connected to a network of pipes, to carry riders' emissions back to the bus engine.

"Human gas makes great fuel," Kustelson said. "It burns cleanly, efficiently. Ever since talk of global warming began, cows have been getting all the attention for methane generation. But humans are gassy too -- and there are more of us."

Passengers are being fed refried beans, hot wings, Vienna sausages and salami sticks to help generate fuel.

At first, some people were reluctant to ride the bus, said Kustelson. "But I told them, it's one small way to help our country by helping to solve the energy crisis."

"It feels good to know I'm giving something back," said an unidentified passenger.


44 posted on 04/18/2002 2:36:58 PM PDT by RippleFire
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To: RippleFire
It's a farty party!

Arty Farty had a party ................... (is that how it goes?)

45 posted on 04/18/2002 2:44:28 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: Texaggie79
LOL! I think every little kid recited that thing!

Gene, Gene, made a machine
Joe, Joe, made it go
Art, Art let a fart
and blew it all apart

Why did that cause my little friends and me to giggle hysterically 30 years ago?? KIDS!! *VBG*

46 posted on 04/18/2002 2:53:30 PM PDT by Beep
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To: Sir Gawain, Victoria Delsoul, Tennessee_Bob, Redbloodedamerican, Nunya Bidness, Dead
Odor sickens people at local high school
An odor has apparently sickened a handful of people at Clear Lake high school.


ABC 13 Eyewitness News
(4/16/02)Emergency crews responded to a call at Clear Lake high school on Bay Area Blvd
Six people, five faculty members and one off-duty police officer, in various parts of the building complained of flu-like symptoms. They were taken to the hospital as a precaution. A seventh person, a student, was hospitalized for an unrelated injury.

Firefighters found no signs of any fumes or chemical release. But San Jacinto College has cancelled Tuesday night's extension classes held on the high school's campus, also as a precaution. Clear Lake High School plans to hold classes as usual on Wednesday.


That's my old highschool. Good thing that didn't happen while I was there. I might have caught the blame....

47 posted on 04/18/2002 3:01:10 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: Texaggie79

48 replies.....woo hoo!

48 posted on 04/18/2002 5:41:04 PM PDT by hole_n_one
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Comment #49 Removed by Moderator

To: dax zenos

Guess you never did watch SNL

50 posted on 04/18/2002 6:00:10 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: chriservative; texaggie79
i've made the same observation :(
51 posted on 04/18/2002 6:03:05 PM PDT by christine
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To: dax zenos
#15 is nonsense. Firstly, define "clockwise". As seen from the North pole, Earth rotates counterclockwise. As seen from the south pole it rotates clockwise. The correct terms are "prograde" or "retrograde". Prograde means in the direction of the gross orbital motion of the body; retrograde opposite. Or:

================

"The Question
Why is the rotation of Venus retrograde, or East to West - unlike nearby planets?

The Answer
We got two good answers to this question from our distribution of scientists. Here they are:

"The standard answer to this question and things like Neptune's tilt is that there was a large collision early in the planetary formation process. The models of planetary and solar system formation have the angular momentums of the planets and their orbits in the same direction as the initial angular momentum of the gas cloud. You need something like a collision to get anything else." - Eric Christian

"Of the nine planets, a bare majority (Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune) rotate in a way we consider 'normal'. Mercury and Venus are slow, Venus, Uranus, and Pluto are retrograde, Uranus and Pluto are highly inclined. Mars' inclination varies chaotically over long (billion-year) time scales, so it is not always 'normal' either. It is only parochialism that makes us point and laugh at the zany antics of the other planets.

"How a planet rotates is related to how it was formed from the accretion of planetesimals. If more impacts occur on one side than the other, then it will tend to rotate accordingly. But the impacts are largely random. Tidal effects can also change the rotation." -David Palmer

Hope this helps to answer your question!

Maggie Masetti & Koji Mukai for Ask A High-Energy Astronomer"

52 posted on 04/18/2002 6:05:59 PM PDT by boris
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Comment #53 Removed by Moderator

To: Texaggie79
Eating worms?!! It's enough to make me gagh
54 posted on 04/18/2002 6:40:21 PM PDT by pa_dweller
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To: Texaggie79
Elephants are big in Thailand!


55 posted on 04/18/2002 7:05:43 PM PDT by pa_dweller
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To: Texaggie79
Special software now available for the humor/language deficient among us! Get yours today and find out what you've been missing!

Irony plugins

I realize there's no one like that on this board but someone you care for may be afflicted.

56 posted on 04/18/2002 7:20:50 PM PDT by pa_dweller
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To: Texaggie79
That's my old highschool. Good thing that didn't happen while I was there. I might have caught the blame....

So, where were you exactly? Hiding? LOL! Just kidding.

57 posted on 04/18/2002 7:30:57 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul
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To: dax zenos
My contribution:

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello??" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a jerk!" It would always cheer me up.

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jerk; there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy too. After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1807 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front." "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem, I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the probelem some serious thought and came up with a solution. First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jerk!" But I didn't hang up. The jerk said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said "No." He said, "What's your name, pal?" I said "Don Hansen." "Where do you live?" I said, "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up. Then I called Jerk #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello Jerk!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jerk!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away. It was a nice way to break the boring cycle I had gotten myself into. Cool.

58 posted on 04/18/2002 7:31:07 PM PDT by ZDaphne
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To: Texaggie79
Mexican food scientists have developed tacos made with small worms.

Klingon cuisine alert!
59 posted on 04/18/2002 8:35:29 PM PDT by BluesDuke
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