Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[bluthund]

On the other hand, that was his wife before he married her.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

On the other hand, that was his wife before he married her.

Do you mean that he was dating his second wife while married to the first wife and now cheating with the second wife with the ' girl on the side?'

[bluthund]

Yeah, OK

[MsBoomop1]

Maybe some women aren't as attractive as they get older but at least they don't go bald. All these young women want is money and when they get that they cheat with younger men... Most don't hold their vows in much respect anyway

[sandonca]

I guess she is content to stay because she has all the power, all the manipulation, all the control, and a very comfortable standard of living.

I here you...

If you decide to stay, you should get a dog if you don't have one. Not a little yippy thing but a big lovable, hairy mut!! She might get b*tchy a lot, but he'll ALWAYS wag his tail and be happy to see you! As long as you don't have allergies, a dog will lift your spirits up.

[Hurt and crying]

let me just tell you something. that is cheating and take it from a wife who is going through it right now, it hurts your wife very bad to watch her husband walk out of the house knowing that he is going to sleep with another women. My husband of 18 yrs and 5 children has been cheating on me for at least 2 yrs and i just now found out, I am crushed, no mortified! so don't you sit there on your soap box and tell me that it isn't cheating, any time you have sex with someone who is not your wife, it is cheating and it is cheating in the eyes of the courts. So just keep telling yourself that your not cheating and i hope that your wife wakes up and takes you sorry a** for everything your worth!

[dighton]

.........

[hellinahandcart]

Seems Cardinal Ratzinger was banned from FR prior to his elevation to Pope. Heh.

[amourless]

How does one not take it personally when they are one of these women? If the heart doesn't have a say in the biology of things it shows. So what is the older woman to do, settle for lesser than or leave the planet? And, the hotty trotty ones will soon walk in the same shoes, but that does nothing for the woman already in that zone. It hurts to not feel appeciated, accepted, loved, or unwanted because their skin has begin to sag. It is frustrating because they can not reverse anything but watch helplessly on the side lines OR they can KNOW their own self worth and not waste precious time on such crap in the first place. YUP, you got it. I am of that age bracket.

[curiouscat60]

I’m sure what I have to say will cause a bit of controversy. But I think many (not all) relationships would be better if it were acceptable for men to have a wife AND a “mistress.” I think in general men need more sexual attention or need to boost their ego more than their wives can or will provide them. The reasons given for why men cheat seem to verify this. I also think men may be more capable of loving more than one woman at a time than women are. Perhpas it would make the marriage better if the wife could send the husband away to the mistress every once in a while. And, no, I am not a man wanting two women! I am a woman wanting only one man!

[HamiltonJay]

hahaha, I hope you have on your asbestos underwear.

[curiouscat60]

Even after 20 years of marriage, my mother a housewife who had 5 children, would always get cleaned up from her daily cleaning and cooking and caretaking chores and dress better before my father came home from work. She still wanted to remain attractive to him after all those years.

[najida]

You realize the thread is over 6 years old??

[najida]

Oh,
and welcome to FR ;)

[Georgia Girl 2]

“Men are afraid of death” (Olynpia Dukakis to Cher in Moonstruck) :-)

[freedomlover]

On a totally separate note, I would like to say that as a fellow long time Freeper I have always enjoyed your posts, but your screen name still makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth sometimes.

I hope you understand ;)

Freegards
FL

[freedomlover]

"Why is my husband cheating on me?"

Sometimes he isn't.

Really.

[Califreak]

I get like that when my car’s in the shop.

[Ditter]

Where did you find this ancient thread?

[Georgia Girl 2]

ROTFLMAO!!!!