Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[Sloth]

When did liking sex become immoral.

Straw man. We're not talking about liking sex. We're talking about prioritizing sex over commitment, and that's evil.

[marajade]

I would never reveal in open forum who freepmailed me.

[Sloth]

For men, sex is a biological nessesity.

I take it, then, that you would happily become a rapist if you found no willing women?

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Bible does say not to withold yourself from your husband

[ValerieUSA]

I see a denial of the three dimensional aspects of human beings. There is more to man than the physical - he has his will and his emotions, and matures as he achieves a balance.
We must realize the strengths and weaknesses inherent within us all, yet differing in individuals, and develop each dimension to be in harmony with the others.
A man cannot let his body overrule his code of honor, his will must make it conform. His code of honor must not violate his physical needs and make unnatural demands upon him. However, appetites and needs are not the same thing, yet emotions may try to convince us that we must satisfy all of our personal desires - emotions are where temptations strike us deepest - not our will, not our bodies.

[DallasDeb]

Sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy between two people. (From a biblical standpoint, it represents the love God has for us.) If you share that intimacy outside of your marriage, then there is nothing special about being married.

Tell us, have you told your wife about the "cheating" you've done on her?

[DallasDeb]

#19: And another thing, what do you think of your wife having sex with another man?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

with the consent of his wife, DISCREETLY get a girl on the side????

That's no girl, that's a whore.

[marajade]

Provide a scripture.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

do a search. it'll be a good exercise.

[marajade]

I've already researched it. You are the one who has provided the challenge, you provide a scripture.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

No. You provide the scripture.

[marajade]

You're the one who provided the challenge. Its on you.

[Tennessee_Bob]

Ummmm....1 Corinthians 7:3-5

[RedBloodedAmerican]

You're the one who questioned it. Go fish.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Okay try this:

1 Corinthians 7
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control

And actually, the entire chapter has some good stuff in it. BTW this is NIV.