Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[kezekiel]

However, a little sex with a woman a man is not going to give a second thought about should hardly count as "cheating."

Many men who felt this way had children born out of that "little sex with a woman." They then went on not to give them a second thought either.

[soccermom]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is lack of character and/or lack of faith. (Yes, I know some so-called men of faith have cheated. But sharing a strong faith with one's spouse will strongly reduce his likelihood of cheating.)

[CounterCounterCulture]

Cardinal Ratzinger

No current Freeper by that name.

BUH-BYE!!!

[yooper]

Feminazis and liberals have managed to turn something many married men (used) to enjoy (without criticism), sex with women other than their wives, into something considered immoral and wrong. Now, I have been married many years, and I have had sex with women other than my wife since we married, but I have never cheated on my wife. Unlike men who have been manipulated by feminazis and liberals into thinking any sex with women other than their wife is wrong, I realize that "cheating" is much more than having sex with another women. "Cheating" means diverting a man's resources and time, that should go to a his family, to another woman. "Cheating" means making love to a woman other than one's wife. However, a little sex with a woman a man is not going to give a second thought about should hardly count as "cheating."

You need professional help.....

[cactmh]

One reason I see that wasn't listed is "to get some strange..."

[LWalk18]

Not to mention bringing home some VD to his wife out of "a little sex not with his wife".

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

How did he leave so quickly?

Perhaps his wife read his post!!!!

[soccermom]

Sounds like a disruptor to me. Funny that he would use words like feminazi when, in another thread, he was defending liberals.

[unamused]

Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

Because they lack conviction, and courage in their beliefs....and when they give their word, they don't mean it...

[jigsaw]

I have had sex with women other than my wife since we married, but I have never cheated on my wife

Yep, and if you murdered someone, you didn't actually kill them -- you just put them to sleep for a very long time.

I assume your wife is trash since she puts up with you.

[CounterCounterCulture]

I would guess it probably was posting crap on other threads. "He" was gone before I could check.

[cactmh]

Wow, great minds think alike! Your answers are no doubt part of it too. BTW, Why is a Texas girl in PA?

[Gabz]

Thanks - after I posted it I wondered if I really should have. But it is a sore spot with me.

I spent the majority of my first marriage being accused of having an affair with any man that I knew that had not been introduced to me by my husband. The wonderful man to whom I am now married was even publicly accused of having an affair with me by my ex - even though hubby and I never met until after I had left the first one.

[AmishDude]

One reason I see that wasn't listed is "to get some strange..."

That explains why my ex-girlfriend was sleeping around so much. Hers was as strange as you could get.

[Dec31,1999]

It's a biological thing. Perhaps you should study biology. you might get a clue.

[nomad]

Why do women cheat on their husbands?

[cactmh]

Interesting. And your wife screwing the younger man next door is okay with you too?

[CounterCounterCulture]

...and after doing a search, it looks like he was posting crap on other threads.

[cactmh]

Why in the hell was he deleted? He has a right to his opinion, even if you don't like it and perhaps are a bitter b---- because you were apparently cheated on...

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Why do women cheat on their husbands? That's next week's topic. Stay tuned.