When I started reading your post, I laughed so hard that tears actually streamed down my face.
I learned about these reviews years ago. Like many of you, I laughed like maybe I’d laughed 5x in my life. Unbelievable creativity and - having had a LITTLE bit of xylitol in my life - very accurate. Well, maybe over the top but in a good way. And the fact that these are PG-13 reviews make them all the better.
Amazon purged itself of these reviews. Thankfully, on the web nothing is forever. Enjoy if you like this kind of entertainment (the airplane one at 30,000 feet review is one my other favs).
https://www.boredpanda.com/hilarious-comments-sugarfree-haribo-gummies/