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Couple Trapped On Hantavirus-Infected Cruise Decline Chance To Go Home On Carnival Cruise Ship
babylonbee.com ^ | May 6, 2026

Posted on 05/06/2026 10:53:44 AM PDT by V_TWIN

SOUTH CARIBBEAN — A couple trapped on a hantavirus-infected cruise ship reportedly have declined to be rescued by a nearby Carnival cruise, saying they'd rather take their chances with hantavirus instead.

"We appreciate the offer, we really do," cruise passenger Arthur Pendleton shouted down to rescue workers through a megaphone while wearing a hazmat suit. "But we've weighed our options. On one hand, we have fever, severe muscle aches, potential respiratory failure, and death. On the other hand, we have the deafening DJ deck, a hundred guys on board named Chaz, and the inevitable all-out violent brawl ending in death. We're going to stick with the virus."

Coast Guard officials pleaded with the couple, arguing that the Carnival ship had fully functioning plumbing.

"Yeah, but that's only until someone clogs it with beer vomit," Arthur's wife Beatrice said, coughing weakly. "And then someone will take one of the pipes off and use it for a weapon. It's okay. Tell our kids we loved them, and please, don't let them book a Bahamas getaway."

With the virus on the rise, cruise ships around the globe are facing renewed scrutiny over hygiene practices and rodent infestations. Thus far, the rat boats are still ahead in market share over Carnival.

At publishing time, Carnival Cruises unveiled a new marketing campaign with the slogan "Carnival Cruise: no rats."


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: plagueship

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1 posted on 05/06/2026 10:53:44 AM PDT by V_TWIN
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To: V_TWIN

Babylon Bee! Again?? How do they do it?


2 posted on 05/06/2026 10:55:35 AM PDT by webheart (Notice how I said all of that without any hyphens, and only complete words?)
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To: V_TWIN

I was halfway thru the article before I felt the need to see the source. Caught again.


3 posted on 05/06/2026 10:59:12 AM PDT by mairdie
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To: V_TWIN

4 posted on 05/06/2026 10:59:44 AM PDT by Red Badger (Iryna Zarutska, May 22, 2002 Kyiv, Ukraine – August 22, 2025 Charlotte, North Carolina Say her name)
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To: V_TWIN

“We come on the sloop John B
My grandfather and me
Around Nassau town we did roam
Drinking all night
Got into a fight
Well, I feel so broke up
I want to go home”. Reads like a voyage on the sloop John B.


5 posted on 05/06/2026 11:04:16 AM PDT by kawhill (Dywedwch Wrthbym because + Add translation Welsh-English dictionary 'Tell Us')
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To: V_TWIN

Is carnival that bad?


6 posted on 05/06/2026 11:42:12 AM PDT by nwrep
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To: V_TWIN

Hantavirus VS STDs

Mega Battle


7 posted on 05/06/2026 11:56:30 AM PDT by Scrambler Bob (Running Rampant, and not endorsing nonsense; My pronoun is EXIT. And I am generally full of /S)
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To: V_TWIN
""Four weeks? What are you, out of your mind? You think I'm gonna spend four weeks of my life drifting around on that dago boat?!"



8 posted on 05/06/2026 11:58:55 AM PDT by plain talk
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To: nwrep

I went on a yearly 3 or 4 day Carnival cruise from Miami to the Bahamas or Cozumel in the ‘00 - ‘10s. The experience mirrored flying - started out pretty nice then devolved into a greyhound bus ride-like experience. I assume it only got worse since the coofdemic. Do not recommend unless you are a boozer looking to hookup (collect STDs imho) or love to gamble. YMMV


9 posted on 05/06/2026 12:05:19 PM PDT by Unassuaged (I have shocking data relevant to the conversation!)
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To: Unassuaged

I described my one experience on a cruise as “like being on a plane, only with better food and more drunks.” It was too cool to enjoy the pool, which left eating, drinking, gambling and a climbing wall as the only things to do. And I don’t drink or gamble, so I did the climbing wall to death. And put on weight.


10 posted on 05/06/2026 1:16:27 PM PDT by EnderWiggin1970
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To: nwrep

Just go to YouTube and search “carnival cruise fight”....you’ll see


11 posted on 05/06/2026 1:42:12 PM PDT by V_TWIN (America....so great even the people that hate it, won't leave)
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To: V_TWIN

The cruse is out there.....

I want to believe, I really do..........

😁😂🤣😁😂🤣😁😂🤣

12 posted on 05/06/2026 5:33:51 PM PDT by BFW
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To: nwrep

“Is carnival that bad?”

The first and only time we cruised on Carnival was in the ‘80s.

The “dining room” was picnic tables like at a Sunday School picnic.

We were traveling with a group from work, and my boss and his wife were in the next cabin. We spoke through the hole in the wall separating our bathrooms.

Teenagers totally trashed public area restrooms, smashing mirrors, etc.

I assumed it would’ve improved since then, but it seem that it hasn’t.


13 posted on 05/06/2026 5:43:51 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam ( "Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away". - B. Franklin)
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