Posted on 11/14/2025 10:56:46 AM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
https://babylonbee.com/news/childrens-church-sermon-jam-packed-with-heresies
DALLAS, TX — The children's pastor of Flame Passion Born Again Friends Fellowship Church caught the community's attention after she gave an inspiring children's church teaching that was once again jam-packed with heresies.
A popular children's church pastor for kids who are under age 6, Stacey Ventura gained the trust of all the parents to always be there on Sunday to take their annoying children off their hands so that they could get their lattes and pay attention in "big church" without any distractions, even if she tended to fill her classes with egregious heresy.
"Yeah I thought my kids were just playing games and maybe eating some goldfish crackers," said Andrea Stevens, mother of 2 children in Ventura's class. "I had no idea that Stacey was trying to teach my kids crazy ideas like how the persons of the Trinity are like a three-leaf clover or could be thought of in the same way that water exists in the three states of liquid, ice, and vapor. Really problematic teachings, but the kids sure seem to have a lot of fun."
Flame Passion's pastoral staff reviewed security footage of Stacey's heresy-filled sermon and came away shocked but also a little impressed to find that she taught no less than 37 distinct heresies condemned by the universal church including, but not limited to, adoptionism, Arianism, partialism, Sabellianism, tritheism, docetism, Marcionism, pelagianism, Nestorianism, monophysitism, Apollinarianism, gnosticism, and monothelitism — all in less than one hour of story time.
At publishing time, the staff of Flame Passion Born Again Friends Fellowship Church was trying to decide if it was more important to replace Ventura or restructure the youth ministry to be less about teaching and more about party games and pizza.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Modern church.
It’s getting extremely hard to tell the difference between satire and genuine news these days.
This is the postmodern church. I remember the church that ran me out pushed The Chosen and Elevation, while calling MacArthur inappropriate while pushing Furtick.
I remember the church that kicked me out because I brought sinners into the church to hear the perfect doctrine and altar call.
I’ve experienced similar with a social club posting as a church. The members did not want “jail birds” coming to their church.
They pushed to change theology, I saw the mess, and rejected it. Now I understand what they did.
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