Chicago Mayor Hoping His ICE-Free Zones Work Better Than His Gun-Free Zones

BabylonBee.com ^ | Oct 7, 2025 | The Babylon Bee

[E. Pluribus Unum]

CHICAGO, IL — As the city seeks to push back against President Donald Trump's efforts to enforce immigration law, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson told his aides that he hoped their "ICE-Free Zones" would work a lot better than their "Gun-Free Zones."

With Johnson and Illinois Governor JB Pritzker adamantly opposing any ICE operations to apprehend illegal aliens, the leaders were cautiously optimistic that setting up zones to prevent immigration enforcement would turn out better than the zones they set up to keep people from being brutally shot to death.

"Maybe this method will work this time," Johnson was heard telling his staff. "I mean, it felt like a good idea to set up those ‘Gun-Free Zones,' but people just keep on shooting folks every day for some reason. It doesn't matter how many signs we put up. But maybe… just maybe… if we put up enough signage to let everyone know that there are ‘ICE-Free Zones' in our city, it'll totally work. Let's stay positive, people. Signs can work. Just not for guns, apparently."

The Windy City has become Ground Zero for the heated immigration debate, with Democrats contending that enforcing the law should be against the law. "Laws have no jurisdiction here," Governor Pritzker told the media on Tuesday. "Like the Second Amendment. That has no power in Illinois. That's why we established clearly marked ‘Gun-Free Zones' so law-abiding citizens can be unarmed and vulnerable to all the criminals who come to murder them. It's the same thing with ICE, but this time will be better. Are you going to eat those onion rings?"

At publishing time, 1,200 illegals had been arrested by ICE in the "ICE-Free Zones," and another 750 people had been shot to death in Chicago's "Gun-Free Zones."

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TOPICS: Humor
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[Waverunner]

Don’t the ICE agents also carry guns?
Double secret probation for them.