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Chuck Schumer Said He’s Never Felt In Danger Walking In DC And Neither Have His Ten Bodyguards
X.com ^ | 12:32 PM · Aug 19, 2025 | The Babylon Bee✓ @TheBabylonBee

Posted on 08/19/2025 1:12:18 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum

https://babylonbee.com/news/chuck-schumer-said-hes-never-felt-in-danger-walking-in-dc-and-neither-have-his-ten-body-guards

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer disagreed with the president's assessment of D.C., saying he's never once felt in danger walking the ten minutes it takes to get to his car, and neither have any of his ten bodyguards.

"D.C. is one of the safest places in these beautiful United States, and I should know because when I walk to my car, I never feel threatened. And neither does my highly trained security detail, for that matter," Schumer told the press from a rolled-down car window. "This is just another example of Trump's divisive rhetoric."

When pressed, Schumer admitted his experience is purely anecdotal, but he expressed doubt that it was much different than what crime statistics showed. "I've never looked at the stats, but I remain convinced that my experience is exactly the same as everyone else's. Right, Tito?"

Tito, Schumer's head of security, responded in the affirmative. "Whatever you say, boss."

The stats appear to back up Schumer's claim. Schumer's driver has only been carjacked twice this year. A far cry below the 958 carjackings reported in 2023. And Schumer himself has never been harmed.

"We work very hard," said Tito.

At publishing time, Trump triple-dog dared Schumer to walk across the city without his security to prove once and for all how safe the nation's capital is, but Schumer became suddenly ill and declined.

(Excerpt) Read more at x.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: bodyguards; schmuckyschumer

1 posted on 08/19/2025 1:12:18 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
Heh heh. Good one.

And Hillary said she's never afraid when riding the subway. I just wish she would keep her sex life to herself. Nobody wants to hear what she does with her sandwiches. Ick!

2 posted on 08/19/2025 1:20:28 PM PDT by Texas Eagle ("Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack"- Donald J. Trump)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

When you click, just hoping it isn’t the Babylon Bee.


3 posted on 08/19/2025 1:21:36 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Texas Eagle

🤢🤮😠


4 posted on 08/19/2025 1:23:06 PM PDT by NorthMountain (... the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
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To: NorthMountain

Amen.


5 posted on 08/19/2025 1:25:08 PM PDT by Texas Eagle ("Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack"- Donald J. Trump)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Good one, but they all use the tunnel network in the Capitol complex, so they never have to go above ground anyway.


6 posted on 08/19/2025 1:25:21 PM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

That reminds me of a senior government official who began arguing with me about the streets in a certain Arabic town and how safe they were. I reviewed her day, in front of many witnesses, where she left an airconditioned (AC) apartment, went to an elevator to an AC garage, in an AC car, to her garage in the embassy, to an AC elevator, to an AC office. She never left to actually go on the street.

She really was not happy with me after that. But then again, she wasn’t happy with me before that either.


7 posted on 08/19/2025 1:37:59 PM PDT by wbarmy (Trying to do better.)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

He had 20 body guards but they were killed ?


8 posted on 08/19/2025 1:54:26 PM PDT by butlerweave
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To: butlerweave

“He had 20 body guards but they were killed ?”

No, they all got tired of eating raw cheeseburgers @ Schmuckie’s house.


9 posted on 08/19/2025 1:59:56 PM PDT by T-Bird45 (It feels like the seventies, and it shouldn't. )
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
… and neither have any of his ten armed-to-the-teeth bodyguards.
10 posted on 08/19/2025 2:01:49 PM PDT by HIDEK6 (God bless Donald Trump)
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To: Texas Eagle

“Schumer’s driver has only been carjacked twice this year.”

He forgot to add, that one time Schumer was still in the car.


11 posted on 08/19/2025 2:30:47 PM PDT by nikos1121
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