Posted on 07/01/2025 2:45:42 PM PDT by Navy Patriot
ATLANTA, GA — CNN is reporting that in spite of several ruthless attacks by the Trump administration, its audience is still largely intact.
The news outlet is dismissing claims of "total victory against the fake news CNN" as premature and based on faulty intelligence.
"Trump may be claiming to have dropped a so-called 'bunker-buster' on our credibility and ratings, but all early intelligence reports indicate that our audience is still mostly intact," said CNN CEO Mark Thompson. "Yep, totally still there. We definitely have tons of viewers all over the world. Nothing wrong with our audience or ratings whatsoever. Any suggestion to the contrary is misinformation."
322 officials from the intelligence community anonymously corroborated the report, anonymously claiming that CNN's ratings are "totally not in the toilet."
"If you question this report from our highly reliable anonymous sources that we totally talked to, you're a conspiracy theorist," added Thompson.
At publishing time, CNN's ratings had dropped another 32%.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
yes
he fell down and hit his head again
but he is back up with some assistance
and is watching again
Just like that girl whose baby was left largely intact inside her body after her abortion.
CNN viewership is largely intact?
I suppose so, I heard the Captain of the Titanic said his ship was still largely intact right after smacking into the iceberg.
Well done, Bee.
Wow. All four of them stayed with CNN! Well, bless their little hearts.
CNN: We proudly didn’t spay or neuter our miniscule audience.
Some may be, but a good number of them clearly have been castrated.
Dang !!! I read thru it and didn’t see “The Bee” until the end of the article. I took it hook, line, and sinker. You sure this is from the Bee??? 😆
When you’re talking about audiences, it’s hard to go lower than zero.
“...our audience...”
Hospitalized Coma Patients
Loony Bin Patients
Layover Airport Captives
Prisoners of all stripes, but mostly the Criminally Insane
Sheltered Workshop Workers
Chinese Laundry Prisoners
Foreign Sweatshop Children working for Nike
10 y/o African Kids Digging Lithium Out of the Earth for Electric Cars & Cellphone Batteries
Inmates at ‘Alligator Alcatraz’ Awaiting Deportation
Who did I miss? *SMIRK*
I was thinking Lobotomized...
Neither balls nor brains...
As usual, Diana, you are pretty thorough.
Yep, it is, I just can’t pass up anything sticking it to CNN, sorry.
Those who work at CNN and maybe their families?
cartoons
None of the four have lost arms or legs, so they are largely intact.
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