In Effort To Improve Senate Confirmation Hearings, Democrat Women Replaced By Rabid Hyenas

The Bee ^ | January 15, 2025 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to elevate the level of discourse in Senate Confirmation hearings, all of the female Democratic Senators will be replaced with screaming, rabid hyenas.

After the initial Senate hearings descended into hours of hysterical, unintelligible screeching, Congress felt it owed the country to do better by replacing the offending women with crazed hyenas.

"This will be a huge improvement," said Senate aide Chandler McKinnon. "We believe replacing these Democrat women with hyenas whose brains are being eaten by the rabies virus will greatly lessen the amount of shrieking and fighting going on. The hardest part will honestly be rounding up the women. That Gillibrand lady is a biter."

According to the Cabinet nominees, the hyenas have thus far been a welcome change. "We have been able to get through so many more questions since we changed to hyenas," said Attorney General nominee Pam Bondi. "The hyenas tend to only bite people nearby, and they don't foam at the mouth nearly as much as Senator Hirono. Even with the howling, it's so much quieter. I'm really thankful for these rabid scavengers."

At publishing time, the Senate had agreed to further improve the confirmation process by replacing all remaining Senators with paint-huffing raccoons

[Navy Patriot]

What a Great Improvement!

Not one hyena was see wearing a vagina hat!

[RoosterRedux]

Rabid hyenas? Is that like Kamala on coke?

[bigbob]

Fossilized hyenas, in the case of Sheldon Whitehouse.

[Bobbyvotes]

Hyenas have no record of changing sex either.

[Navy Patriot]

Yes.

[Enterprise]

ROFL! I believe it!

[vpintheak]

And Shifforbrains.

[RetiredTexasVet]

The Bee is always on target.

[cdcdawg]

Sure, it’s a joke, but it would also be a huge improvement!

[dfwgator]

The Hearings in a nutshell...

[FlingWingFlyer]

The Democrats sure do have some scuzzy wimmen. Geez. Like a 100 ex-wives nagging at once. They are REALLY ANNOYING.

[Toespi]

Almost every man in the world who saw these women attacking Hegseth, saw their wife, her mother and sisters while he was walking out with a suitcase.

[lurk]

After listening to two days of hearings, with its threadworn slanders, snark, passive aggressive hook snipes, la la I’m not listening, logical leaps, reputational skirt lifts, etc, one wonders what kind of people these are in their homes and marriages.

[Ronald77]

What it is is a gross insult to rabid hyenas.

[metmom]

True....

[chickenlips]

You’ll forget about the insult to hyenas when you scroll down to the video link for “Meet the LAPD’s First Paraplegic Firefighter”. (Yeah they went there.)

[rlmorel]

[rlmorel]

"...At publishing time, the Senate had agreed to further improve the confirmation process by replacing all remaining Senators with paint-huffing raccoons..."

[dfwgator]

The closest thing to a vision of Hell that I’ve ever seen.

[FreedBird]

Those with sensitive ears, to high pitch yelling, screeching owls, should not listen to such nonsense.