Biden Admin Hires NASCAR Pit Crew To Rapidly Change Biden’s Diaper Without Anyone Noticing

The Bee ^ | June 7, 2024 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

WASHINGTON, DC — In a little-publicized move, the Biden Administration recently recruited a former NASCAR pit crew to make lightning-fast changes to the President's diaper whenever he soils his pants.

The scheme was first revealed after NASCAR crew leaders began to be bombarded with ads seeking a "Race Car Pit Crew That Can Also Change Diapers." The ads specified that the crew would have to be able to change a diaper within 3.4 seconds, or "fast enough that nobody can notice it."

"We initially responded to the ads and were asked to come try out," said Brandon Keyes, rear changer for the Josh Biggles Racing Pit Crew. "Then I found out that my job as Rear Changer was about to get a whole lot harder. We finished in about 4.3 seconds, which was a good switch, but then they told us that we weren't diverse enough, and asked if we'd be okay with adding a transwoman of color as our front-changer. I'd rather just stick with the cars."

While most pit crew teams allegedly decided to stay with their jobs at NASCAR, one unique team decided to step up to the challenge. Members of the team have reportedly been called to diaper-changing duty almost continuously for the last 23 hours and are collapsing from exhaustion and permanent nose damage.

[Chode]

whose crew is that???

[Navy Patriot]

I seem to recall that inquiry!

[mabarker1]

I think they cobbled together an assortment of different Crews. The resident NUTSCAR Guruette says that She’s not sure.🤔

There’s #29 on one helmet, Fire Suits have an assortment of Chevrolet BowTie logo on one , a Bass Pro Shop logo on another, also the Budweiser logo on the back of one.

As far as I know the #29 is held by RCR Richard Childress Racing. NUTSCAR “owns” All car #’s until a Team Owner “purchases” it. IIRC the Team Owner has the # by the Season and has first choice to renew for additional Seasons. The #29 was the number that Harvick had at Atlanta after Dale Sr was killed at Daytona.

https://www.nascar.com/gallery/drivers-of-the-no-29-through-the-years/

[Chode]

thx...

[LittleBillyInfidel]

“They can use the drink cup pole to extend a vanilla cone to him.”

TexasGator writes:

NASCAR pit crews pass drinks by hand.

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Ahhhh, yes, TexasGator. Such a good catch. It's important to deconstruct jokes and satire so that the reader can more accurately ascertain the validity of such while - at the same time - drawing attention to the intricate knowledge of the examinor, himself. The payoff for such is boundless self-gratification and commeradarie within a forum of kindred minds. Thank you so much, TexasGator!! You're so insightful! I owe you. I think we ALL owe you!