It’s sad when someone is so despondent that they cannot see the future without depression.
After graduating college I was hit with severe depression. It came out of nowhere. For awhile I was firing on all cylinders creatively and was on top of the world.
And then, I suddenly lost all happiness. Became numb to everything. Could not see any joy in life.
It was four years later that I received the diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
That was twenty-four years ago and I am now fifty. I've spent half my life waging war against my own mind turned against me. It's cost me jobs, opportunities, friendships, even a marriage.
I have tried to end it all so many times that they can't be counted. To be honest, I don't know why I'm still here.
I'm glad I am though. It took me a long time to understand that this is a broken world. Sickness and disease are part of it. I don't know why God let me have a mind as tormented as mine, but I suppose it could have been worse. I spent three and a half years working in the mental health field and routinely encountered people with graver illness than mine.
I've gotten better at managing my condition. I want to believe it's possible to still have some happiness with what's left of my life.