After graduating college I was hit with severe depression. It came out of nowhere. For awhile I was firing on all cylinders creatively and was on top of the world.
And then, I suddenly lost all happiness. Became numb to everything. Could not see any joy in life.
It was four years later that I received the diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
That was twenty-four years ago and I am now fifty. I've spent half my life waging war against my own mind turned against me. It's cost me jobs, opportunities, friendships, even a marriage.
I have tried to end it all so many times that they can't be counted. To be honest, I don't know why I'm still here.
I'm glad I am though. It took me a long time to understand that this is a broken world. Sickness and disease are part of it. I don't know why God let me have a mind as tormented as mine, but I suppose it could have been worse. I spent three and a half years working in the mental health field and routinely encountered people with graver illness than mine.
I've gotten better at managing my condition. I want to believe it's possible to still have some happiness with what's left of my life.
CC, thanks for the immediacy of your honest recounting of what you met and over came.
Many of us have seen the poison of depression and what it can do.
Prayers and hugs and continued strength to you. MWH