Posted on 02/24/2024 12:32:34 PM PST by nickcarraway
When Lemon8 user Caipngwfish got together with Elton Quek, some of her friends weren't exactly supportive of the relationship.
"Are you sure you want to date him?"
This was a common question she'd get from them. The general perception was that she was dating down, which she defined as dating someone who earns less than her.
In a recent Lemon8 post, she shared her personal experience of what it is like to date downwards.
"In this day and age, it generally means lesser earning power or less educated," Caipngwfish pointed out, adding that at one point, her monthly salary was almost double that of her partner's.
Anticipating some potential pitchforks, she immediately provided a caveat that dissing her boyfriend was not the intention of her post.
Choosing cheaper dating spots Using earning power and educational level as parameters, Caipngwfish noted that it is a fact she dated downwards.
While their relationship might have ruffled some feathers, she told AsiaOne that "dating down never affected them".
Given that the relationship went against the "marrying-a-graduate mindset" some families may have for their daughters, Caipngwfish added that there were some initial disagreements with her mum.
But eventually, the relationship gained her approval.
In the Lemon8post, she went on to explain that Elton was upfront and honest about his income at the start of their relationship. She told AsiaOne that she wanted to keep the details of their occupations private.
At that point in time, Caipngwfish was raking in almost twice his salary so she chose to lie to him about hers.
"I didn't want him to feel emasculated," she explained.
Early on, the couple would often head to cai fan stalls for dates and occasionally, they'd treat themselves to a meal at Genki Sushi.
Caipngwfish mentioned that she was not too bothered about this.
Even when they dined at fancier food establishments, Elton would offer to foot the bill.
"Getting the bill made him more motivated to do better in life because he needs to keep up with the 'new standard of living'," she explained.
Double his earning power So Elton knuckled down and doubled his earning power within a year, in order to "reach the same standing" as his partner.
Caipngwfish said she very much values how humble and down-to-earth Elton is, even now when he is able to "provide for her".
While she does not deny that money is important, there are also other factors one should look out for when looking to find a partner.
"Find someone who loves you, someone who is dedicated, persistent and funny," she advised.
Mindset, character and attitude are some of the traits Caipngwfish values in a partner, but his need to "want to be a provider" ranks top as a requirement.
Despite the differences in spending power when they first got together, it did not seem to hinder their relationship.
"I have honestly never been happier," Caipngwfish said.
They also don’t have any student loans balances from majoring in Woke Psychology & being unable to have a real career and now thinking they must vote Dem just to survive.
Pithy and true.
Something tells me these chicks are very insecure. I hung out with a chick for a while who told me she liked dating younger men because older guys were “set in their ways.” She was totally insecure.
Of course i was 3 years older than her.....
All we are saying..is give poor guys a chance.
Wealth has always been a motivator. Marriage has almost always been an economic arrangement. This is not in dispute.
If you want a check on the traditional attitude, consider the novels of Jane Austen. The attitude there is most definitely “realistic”, not all that romantic. There certainly aren’t dominated by dreamy obsessions.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
Most of those women are getting a crappy education.
“The general perception was that she was dating down, which she defined as dating someone who earns less than her.”
Men like that must be hard to find ... A SEXIST WOULD SAY
It’s not “dating downward” if you are buried in student loan debt and the “downward” sucker is not.
I am a white collar professional, the daughter of two college graduates.
My husband is a blue collar professional who put himself through trade school.
My siblings and friends thought I was dating down. My father wasn’t sure at the beginning but my mother knew my husband since he was a baby and heartily approved. He is honest, hardworking, loyal, and strong.
Thirty three years together, married over 30.
Best choice I ever made.
True.
A man in love will want to be the best provider he can.
You can tell she loves him because she shielded him and defended him and his reputation.
Welcome back Baby ... to the poor side of town.
Yup that was my impression as well, a silly condescending cow. Shallow.
In the west, “dating down” often means in attractiveness and/or income. The problem with many western women, they’ve been pumped full of “you’re special”, “you can have it all”, and “you deserve it” narrative so much that they consider themselves a “10”, when they’re a “5”. Then think the average guy is beneath them. If they do date an average guy they’ll still call it “dating down” - when really they’re dating at THEIR LEVEL, they’re not dating a “3” or lower.
This is why many young women think “men are trash”, because they’re all going after the top 5% of men (the “666” men - 6’+, 6+ figures, 6 pack abs) - whom can jump to the next girl in line once they’ve had their fun.
Average guys are checking out from dating. This isn’t going to be good for the birth rate.
The current state of play is that government, major corporations and major institutions systematically discriminate against men. (And white/white adjacent people.)
Women have five choices:
They can stick with their high intensity, high earning careers and readjust their financial and lifestyle expectations on a partner. I know a scattering of couples who have done this, and they seem happy with the choice. In most cases, it’s simply the way the careers worked out, but they are committed to each other and take that in stride. And in a few cases, when the woman is the higher earning spouse, it is the man who steps back, sacrifices the career, takes a job with greater flexibility, and follows the wife when she gets a promotion and/or is transferred. There’s no reason this can’t work if couples talk it through carefully. But both partners will have serious social stereotypes to withstand.
They can practice hypergamy and become the disposable playthings of high status men who will soon toss them away and move on to the next hot young thing. Then they can become cat ladies.
They can remain single and validate themselves as high earning worker drones and high end consumers. And then become cat ladies.
They can settle for going gay. The statistics indicate that this is not a promising strategy for a stable, long-term relationship, but I do think the current uptick in homosexuality is driven substantially by young women, and occasionally young men, who are disgusted with the toxicity of the current sexual culture and who have given up.
Or, last but not least, they can reject the current cultural indoctrination to prioritize career at all cost and to regard men as the enemy. Look to find a good man, committed to marriage, early, when the women are still in their peak years of physical attractiveness. Get married and stay married, with both partners prioritizing the marriage and talking through the tradeoffs as they arise (and which change from time to time).
The last group is still quite large, but it is held in contempt by our toxic popular culture. It is very much silenced in social media and the worlds of film and tv. But it’s still there. On my optimistic days, I think smarter young people are beginning to figure this out.
If they're going after "666" men (over 6 feet, 6 figure income, 6-pack abs) then you're talking much higher than top 5%. And you are correct, guys like that can have a lineup of girls, and toss each aside when she stops being sufficiently eager to please.
If I lost my wife I might go with a woman in her 40s.
Then again, I’m in my 60s...
A neighbor of mine owns a plumbing business. His house is just as nice as mine. Being blue collar doesn't mean you can't be well off, and lack of a college degree doesn't mean you're not very intelligent.
Many women like ‘broken men’ because they think they “can fix him.” If you’re dating some guy with a nothing job and he loves you, it isn’t hard to push him to do something towards getting a job that pays more.
It’s fine if she wants this. But I’ll bet you one look at her credit card balance will also tell the other side of the story.
Run! (She lied to him.)
So true!
Life tossed some crushing blows our way but we were able to weather them all. Overall, we lead a comfortable life
My husband is extremely smart. He is well read, can speak 3 languages fluently, and has finely tuned instincts. There isn’t a tool he can’t use, an appliance or vehicle he can’t fix, and lately he’s teaching himself carpentry.
Through the highs and the lows, he has been a rock.
Only the people around me thought I married down. I knew I snared a unicorn.
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