Posted on 12/25/2023 8:44:26 AM PST by Navy Patriot
GROVELAND, IL - Pierce County's District Attorney has opened prosecution against an eight-year-old boy who reportedly terrorized two burglars robbing his parents' mansion.
The young boy by the name of Kevin McAllister was apparently home alone when the perpetrators attempted to sneak into the estate. McAllister sprang into action with a series of ingenious attacks, including blowtorches, paint cans, and a tarantula. "The child engaged in cruel, vicious behavior that could have seriously injured the two gentlemen known as the ‘Wet Bandits' ," said District Attorney Ansel Hayden. "McAllister literally smashed Marv's face with an iron, when Marv wished nothing more than to rob McAllister's family while doing the child serious bodily harm."
Hayden said the youth's antics involved putting ice on the stairs, heating up doorknobs, and other tactics that put the men in peril. "What has society come to when a child can torture vagabonds just hungry for bread?," wondered Hayden aloud. "I will not allow this county to fall victim to vigilantism."
At press time, Hayden was preparing to file charges against the neighbor who stopped the kindly ‘Wet Bandits' from biting off McAllister's fingers.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
This isn’t as far fetched as it seems. NYC would be a perfect example.
Ouch! The title drew me in, and I got stung by the Bee (again).
🐝
Next thing you know, Ralphie will be arrested for possession of an assault bb gun.
Got me again
Hey, I thought the Bee did satire? haha
;-)
No my intent.
😂
I had that Trump is going to be taken off the IL ballot because he didn’t even help that Kevin kid when he was in trouble.
Well played by the Bee!
Anybody who takes Soros money is the only thing in they have to live for.
Anybody who takes Soros money is the only thing in life they have to live for.
Home Alone spoof, :)
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal!”
This Guy got stung too.
Make the two burglars homeless minorities and I bet I could get a conviction in New York.
Hardly satire in today’s new world...
Heh, The Bee almost got me on this one.
Got stung by the Bee. Sad that this could have really happened.
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