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I think it clearly depends on the circumstances, the offense, the time it happened, its effect....lots to consider.

For instance, forgiving someone who is gone from your life, possibly even passed, makes perfect sense. I think we’ve all done some of that. Heck, I’ve had to ask for forgiveness from someone who has passed. I asked God to ask her to please forgive me.

Pax, I don’t think that for one minute, if you were in charge of a school, and a bully (verbal, not physical) was walking down the hallway regularly pointing at, teasing, ridiculing and being generally nasty to other students, you would allow that to continue and just tell the victims to forgive him.

My guess is (because you seem like a caring and thinking person) you’d haul the bully into the office, let him know kindly, but firmly, that he must stop. There’s a good chance you’d also ask him to face a few of the students he was mean to, so they could tell him how he made them feel, in hopes of reaching him. I’ll go even further and guess you’d help him compose a heartfelt apology (assuming he had remorse) and the victims would happily accept it, shake hands, and go on to become friends.

I actually have a friend who had these exact circumstances happen. The bully stopped being a bully and actually became best buddies with the one kid he like picking on the most, my friend’s son. Turns out he was jealous of him. Talking is so helpful, especially when it leads to forgiveness and better things in the future.

I probably could have said that in fewer words, but I tend to ramble on at times lol.

My oldest daughter was being bullied by this boy at school. I had bought her a green jacket with white fur around the neck and cuffs. This boy kept calling her the “Green Santa from Mars”. She reported it to the teacher and their was NO teacher intervention. She came home crying and told me about it. I told her well then she IS just going to have to deal with it herself.

Next day after school she called him out. Once off the school grounds they went at it with fists. She got a bloodied lip but HE NEVER called her “Green Santa from Mars” again.

I don’t believe SHE had to forgive him until HE UNDERSTOOD that he was causing her distress.

Question? Did Jesus forgive the money changers for defiling the temple?

Judy, my answer to you is not simple and you might or might not guess what I’d do when dealing with bullies if I were a school principal.

I would probably use some of your examples at times depending on circumstances.

I would definitely add one thing to your list and that would be calling in students who had been bullied and speaking with them about forgiving the bully, understanding that there are no external actions required for forgiveness but that it is an action of the soul and the mind.

I would explain that forgiveness can take a long time sometimes so to be patient with themselves.

Most importantly I would explain to them that forgiveness usually requires help from God so they should pray for the grace to truly forgive.

Finally, I would remind them that the bully might or might not be a kind person but that he will be able to change only with support from others so they should try their best to love the bully as they love themselves.

The second part of my response is that the situation presented in your example places me in charge of the bully.

In real life, most of the bullies I find myself dealing with aren’t hierarchically below me. Most are other adults who are my societal equals. This makes things much more interesting. :-)

I can’t take an adult bully by her collar and sit her down for a good talking-to, nor would I do that if I could.

Not my job and not a job I’d accept if offered.

Forgiveness is critically important in a civil society, even if it is one-sided and even if, like the people who crucified Christ, the bullies don’t actually ask for forgiveness.

When we demand an apology and receive it then choose to forgive, are we truly forgiving or are we accepting the justice we think we deserve?

When we forgive our enemies we free our hearts and souls from the burden of judging our enemies, which is a dangerous place for our souls because most of us have at least some bias toward our enemies and our judgement of them is likely to be incorrect.

Besides, Christ told us not to judge.

So, when we forgive, whether we act on it or not, we are always prepared to react to the forgiven person -and, indeed, to everyone - with joy and love.

This is what can bring peace and joy into our world.

:-)