Not communicating with the family as to what they were going to do with the heavy meds was not ok. Imagine being in that position, where you’re talking with your loved one one night and they put him under and you don’t talk again. Not because of his pneumonia, but because of the drugs. At least communicate!
They talked to me a lot. It was like an hour long meeting before we talked to my grandmother about going to hospice. And then we had almost the exact same talk with her. And then another similar talk with the hospice once we moved her over. As is always the case with human institutions they’re run differently, because people are different. My experience was as close to good as having a relative die can be, sorry yours was different. But don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. The hospice concept is good, and when run well it’s much better for everyone involved.