Posted on 09/25/2023 8:53:59 PM PDT by Captain Peter Blood
We all have sad stories to tell occasionally and I have one.
I have a friend I known for well over 40 years and she has always been fun to be around and we have stayed in touch all this time on and off.
Until about a year ago I had no idea she was a committed, hard core, alcoholic. The last two years she had been talking about a decline in her health. She had taken the Covid vaccines and at least one booster and I was fearful this caused her to have some adverse effects.
But the surprise was a year ago when she saw another doctor she had been sent to because her PCP thought she needed to have her Gall Bladder out. In my opinion her PCP is incompetent for not being able to diagnose the fact she had Liver Cancer. The surgeon she saw looked at her test file and saw right away she Stage 4 Liver Cancer and that she needed to get treatment.
It was then she admitted she was a alcoholic to me. Now she had told a few years earlier she had a substance abuse problem and had been addicted to Benadryl and I now think she was drinking during that addiction also.
So she gets help and starts seeing doctors that hopefully can help her. She claimed she had seen the error of her ways and was committed to getting better and hopefully would be able to get on a Liver transplant list.
The thing was she never got any better, in fact she got worse. She could not put any weight on and is now skin and bones at 87 pounds. She claims she has a blood clot on her pancreas and just recently was diagnosed with two ulcer’s and the lining of her stomach has been destroyed by Alcohol abuse.
You see she never quit drinking, even with all she was told she could not do it. Three weeks ago she was in a auto accident, she hit someone from behind and fortunately no one was hurt and only her car had damage.
But the state police were involved because the accident happened on the Interstate. She claimed they did not have a field sobriety test kit, then she refused to take a blood test. Finally she was arrested and compelled to give a urine sample, results of which I don’t know yet.
I have caught her in several lies about the drinking, long story short ,she just never gave up alcohol. She is married and evidently her husband finally found out about it and her attitude was I will go get help at AA.
Sadly I believe we are well past any help from AA or anyone else. I feel she is too far gone and I have no doubt she will go back to drinking, presuming she quits at all.
On top of this I find out she is on Tramadol which is Opiate pain killer. The only reason I can think of for her to be on that is that her body is shutting down slowly and the pain will only get worse.
I frankly can’t see her being able to last for very long in this situation. I give her maybe 6 months, but that may be way too generous. No one knows how these things will go until they happen.
Naltrexone is an anti-addiction drug for alcohol and opiate addiction. It stops or reduces cravings. For some people, it is like flipping a switch, and they are instantly cured.
It can be taken as a daily pill or a monthly injection. It is sometimes combined with other anti-addiction drugs.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naltrexone
1. Comment 14 is spot on. She needs Jesus. But give her Jesus with the humble attitude that we all need Jesus, so that’s no condemnation of her specifically.
2. Redirect her addiction to something else that’s either positive or at least not harmful. Alcoholics are sometimes people with addictive tendencies in general who can sometimes get off alcohol only if they can satisfy their addictive need to be addicted to something even if the something is not a chemical substance.
3. The best thing to be addicted to is the Lord.
4. This has to be her baby. As long as it’s just your obsession and not hers she won’t come off alcohol. You have to come to terms with the fact that you’re limited with being only a source of love and advice and prayer, but not be the problem solver. Only she and the Lord have the power to get off alcohol . So take her burden off of your shoulders even if you still hold her by the hand.
5. If you still have the need to do something, anything, then talk to her kids about it. Not from a condemnation perspective but from a viewpoint as a life lesson to not get drunk themselves and wind up where she is. I do this with my kids and have done it all their lives. I can’t bring back my late alcoholic father who died from lung cancer (smoking was another addiction). But I can increase the probability that his positive traits continue into perpetuity without the negative ones. I remind my grown kids that my father is the reason I’ve never been drunk or smoked a joint or anything like that, while at the same time he’s worth imitating with his patience, his drive to start a business, and his ability to tackle any intellectual challenge. The Lord gave my father, me, and my kids somewhat high IQ’s (120’s), so family, or we gonna use it or waste it? I’m sure the poster’s alcoholic friend also has positive traits that her offspring should focus on imitating while not imitating the alcoholism.
6. Don’t be afraid to work this with your spouse. I tell my wife every now and then that the best way to keep me from winding up with my father’s substance addiction is if I stay “addicted” to her “substance”. lol
I never cared for alcohol in my life and no real drinkers in my immediate family.
Food was my problem.
Anyway I found this on YouTube from Claudia Christian and alcoholism recently.
https://youtu.be/BtyOwGuSzho?si=JHo1NAhJ6_XXAGlu
Good info; and thank you.
My perspective, speaking for Livers Ubiquitous (”LU”), is that all people are in varying degrees, alcohol consumers.
Because there are so many “foods” in the human imagination as something other than “an alcoholic beverage,” that are - from the view of LU - in some part, alcohols when processed.
Many “vegetables,” for example.
Another way of looking at “alcoholism,” is that it is a sugar addiction.
But inside at LU, an allowance by a consumer, for an abundance of a certain alcohol, carb, starch, sugar . . . tends to cause LU to develop an *expectation* for future, like consumption - ie nudging the consumer into habitual intake that satisfies ol’ LU.
IMHO
As a recovering alcoholic, I urge you to look past the “choice” and focus on the disease.
As a society, we are just beginning to recognize mental health illness as something more than the crazy or depressed person. “Just cheer up, quit being so sad all the time” is what people used to hear along with having a lack of self control.
Alcoholism is drug addiction and alcohol it likely the most dangerous drug on the planet simply because it’s legal. Yes, most people can have a few drinks and move on just as most people can tolerate pain killers until the body has healed.
Others are not so lucky.
I have been sober for over 10 years and can never have a cold beer again because I am not capable of having 1, 2, or even 6 beers without serious consequences. I’m not weak, I have a disease.
Your friend is dying from this disease and there is nothing medically that can be done at this point. Would you abandon someone that decided against cancer treatment?
Be there for your friend or regret it forever after she dies alone, cold, and unloved.
“Walk away. As painful as it is, you simply have to.”
I was married to an alcoholic and prescription drug addict. I did ALL the work trying to keep him straight. “Don’t let me have more than one drink”. The correct reply to that is, “You can’t make me responsible for your behavior. What you do is up to you.” Unfortunately, I didn’t learn that until AFTER we were divorced. Somehow it was MY fault that he had to drink. I was an absolute wreck and it took 20 years to put myself back together.
On a scale of 1 to 10, your friend is a 10 addiction-wise. On the other extreme, some have no difficulty walking away from booze at the first bit of trouble. Your friend is one that has unfortunately taken it to death and there is nothing anyone could have done to stop it.
The evil of addiction is that it preempts free-will. It works at the subconscious level, akin to an instinct. It’s not that, as many believe, there’s an absence of will power. The problem is that the will power is sorely misdirected. Try getting in between an alcoholic and their drink and you’ll see a demonstration of their will. It’s like getting in between momma bear and baby bear. They will do whatever is necessary to protect it because it is the number one priority in life, even above food.
It’s difficult for normal folks to believe because it’s sort of a psycho somatic experience - explaining addiction to a non-addict is like explaining what the color red looks like to someone who’s been blind from birth.
If you haven’t done it already, perhaps you can mention to the family to try al-anon, especially the husband. Al-anon deals with co-dependency, of which most spouses of alcoholics have. Alcoholics are usually unbearable for “normal” folks to live with. Co-dependents, however, have their own unusual need to take care of someone or to avoid their own issues, e.g. having a spouse that doesn’t have anything to complain to the other about or shuts up easy because they are generally absent from a real relationship.
For the kids, it’s more subtle. It’s not only the general absence that is a problem, but the nutty thought process that the kids are exposed to as they are learning themselves what is “normal”. If not addicts themselves, they often become codependent, winding up w/alcoholic spouses.
A truly sad story of your friend. I sympathize. A coworker of mine has a few weeks to live after being diagnosed with liver cancer and cirrhosis though he’s not an alcoholic. He also has terrible ascites that has to be drained often. He is a shadow of his former self. He keeps a smiling face despite all this, but has admitted to one person that it’s only a month or two to go.
Its best she call, but you can do it too. Ill phone him myself on her and your behalf.
BTTT
Alcoholics end up changing their brain chemistry. It gets to the point that they can’t function properly without alcohol. Takes much will to stop and get your brain programmed back. Sometimes the brain doesn’t work right ever again. Alcohol gives them that fix and brain functions back but they drink past that point. They are alcoholics of course.
I watched an interview recently of RFK, Jr (can't remember who the interviewer was). I was shocked by the honesty of something Kennedy said about his battle with heroin addiction. He said that he tried everything but just kept failing. He finally reached the conclusion that without turning to God, there is no escape.
I have much personal experience with this and can confirm the truth of his statement.
Alcohol is a drug like any other in a way. All drugs keep drawing a user deeper and deeper into addiction. Some drugs of course lead you to other, more powerful drugs and some, like alcohol just lead you to more use of the same.
And BTW a person doesn't have to be a fall-down alcoholic, per se, to be an addict. Plenty of people are functioning addicts who refuse to admit that they have lost power over their lives. They go to work, they have a family life...but they have to drink or take a drug every day just to endure life.
Back to Kennedy, he found that when he finally got around to asking God for help, he immediately started gaining back some control. He still went to rehab (he had been MANY times), but this time was different. Slowly but surely, he was able to overcome.
As a final note, when one is an addict, reality is blurry--upside down. You lie to everyone, but, most importantly, you lie to yourself.
Alcohol+prescription drugs=dead liver
Most alcoholics die because they quit eating.
The best thing you can do for your friend is to encourage her to accept Jesus Christ as her savior. Each of us will die. And each of us will go on into eternity, most to hell (those who have not accepted Jesus as their savior), the rest to heaven (those who have accepted Jesus as their savior). Jesus always says, “Yes” to those who ask for forgiveness and who seek to accept Him as their savior. She will be healthy and joyful in heaven. She will be in constant pain and thirst and seemingly all alone in the total darkness of hell. Ask her to choose life, not death (eternal separation for God in hell).
My heart is melting. Such a sweet story.
It’s one of the reasons why Europeans can drink so much and not die. They eat well and they usually stick to wine and beer. They also do not do large amounts of pain killers and such
My younger brother just passed away a few weeks ago. He also was an alcoholic, diabetic, obese, and had Parkinson’s.
Towards the end he was trying to cut back on drinking and eat better but it was far too little too late.
He was our brother and we loved him and knew the good person he could be and had been and it’s heartbreaking to see what his life amounted to because of trying to deal with the internal pain he endured from my dad.
Yes, alcoholics do lie. A lot.
My brother did.
That's interesting. What kinds of things cause increased bilirubin?
I was once diagnosed with too low or two high - I cant remember which (is that important? :) )
But the itching was crazy... What finally stopped it was that I stopped eating bread. I don't know if it's the wheat or the chemicals in it... I can tolerate wheat with tomato sauce (it seems) but I try to avoid it completely, which has made a HUGE improvement in my health (lost a lot of weight, feel better)
But this is the first time I've ever heard anyone ever link bilirubin and itching
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