Sounds like what you're selling. 
The Interstates can be closed for days and the fascists won’t let you leave town.
It’s ground zer0 for Armageddon given all of the missile silos.
It can take a week for Bezos or Mr. Brown to get your supplies to you.
Cell phone service is very spotty. 5G with its reduced range is a joke.
The canoeing is poor and lame.
Antifa gets kicked outta town [No, wait, that’s actually good if one is not antifa...].
I’m on the west coast, well south of Tampa. Actually we’re snow birds so we don’t have to worry about the hot weather but in the winter we leave our house open and swim in the pool all winter long. It never freezes down here and it’s mostly pleasantly warm and dry in the winter.
Insurance is high, repairs from storms can be high but the houses are built to withstand the hurricanes, unfortunately the trees are not. We lost our best coconut tree last storm and one of my very large Queen Palms. The whole state is gun friendly. The worst thing about Florida is you can’t make left turns.
Sounds like what you're selling.